The Reverse Sweep

Shane Warne gets burnt, Harbhajan Singh gets robbed: Conspiracy or coincidence?

At first when we heard that Shane Warne had burnt his hand we just thought that he had either overdone the self-tan or had an accident with one of Elizabeth Hurley's hot wax treatments.

We didn't for one minute believe the official explanation that Warne had hurt himself cooking as by the looks of him he clearly doesn't eat. But nothing too sinister appeared to be afoot.

Then we heard that Harbhajan Singh had been robbed. On the same day.

The two events are either completely unconnected or there is a malicious and uncontrollable perpetrator with an almighty grudge against former (sorry Harbhajan) international spin bowlers.

Rumours that Anil Kumble, Muttiah Muralitharan and rather amusingly Xavier Doherty have been put under police protection could not be substantiated at the time of going to press.

Where next?

Shane Warne comes out

Farewell and a tribute (of sorts) to Shane Warne

Seven reasons why the Poms love Shane Warne

India have found some bowlers

Cricket zeroes: Channel 9's Commentary Team

Check out all our Reverse Sweep cricket heroes and zeroes 

If you like this, follow us on Twitter @thereversesweep 

Why the Australia-England ODI series is as bloody as the Battle of Stalingrad

 
The Battle of Stalingrad may have seen perhaps the highest number of casualties of any battle in warfare, but the current ODI series between Australia and England can’t be far behind – and it feels like it has lasted nearly as long as that bloody battle between Nazi Germany and the Soviet Union too.

Certainly, the wisdom of having a seven match series straight after the Ashes, and so soon before the World Cup, has been exposed as the sheer folly most of us knew it was. Players on both sides have been dropping like flies throughout the series.

Tim Bresnan and Graeme Swann have already flown home early and Ajmal Shahzad and Chris Tremlett are about to join them.

For Australia, it is not much better with Nathan Hauritz, Xavier Doherty, Shaun Marsh all being felled to join Ricky Ponting and Mike Hussey on the sidelines.

The sixth match of the series today was particularly bloody. Jonathan Trott and Steve Smith both required runners and Paul Collingwood was unable to bowl after jarring his back whilst batting. And if Shaun Tait's glass body managed to get through without a crack it will have been a miracle. At this rate, the final match of the series in Perth will be seven-a-side.

Indeed, things have got so bad for England that Liam Plunkett has been called up. Any additional injuries could see the unthinkable happen – the return of Sajid Mahmood.

If that happens, England’s hopes for the World Cup will be as buggered as the Wehrmacht’s Sixth Army was at Stalingrad.

Where next?

Back to back Ashes Series? Doomsday is here...

100 stories about the Ashes

An England under-23 XI featuring Chris Woakes

Reaction to England's World Cup Squad

Full coverage of the Ashes 2010/11 series

Check out all our Reverse Sweep heroes and zeroes

If you like this, follow us on Twitter @thereversesweep

First Andy Gray, and now is Ian Botham getting the boot from Sky?

 
Our spies at Sky tell us that the dismissal of Andy Gray is just the start of a political correctness purge at the broadcaster to rid itself of the dinosaurs that stalk its sports coverage. Judging from this leaked letter, which may or may not be genuine, it would seem that Ian Botham is next in the firing line…

Dear Sir Ian,

Even though you are in Australia, you may have seen reports that Andy Gray was sacked yesterday for multiple episodes of sexism towards a female assistant referee and to fellow Sky presenters.

The company has decided to use this window of opportunity to review our roster of sports presenters and pundits with the aim of pensioning off any that could be accused of being guilty of political incorrectness. For example, henceforth all female Sky Sports News presenters will be required to wear a burqa when on-air. 

Doubtless you will understand that Sky just cannot take the risk of any more bad publicity in light of the antics of Gray and the grinning jackanapes Richard Keys.

Unfortunately, the spotlight has now fallen on you. We have collated evidence that irrefutably proves that you discriminate amongst others  against Australians, people that are folicly challenged and pensioners.

Firstly if we go back to your playing days, you clearly took a pathological delight in beating Australia. In particular, your exploits at Headingley and Edgbaston in 1981, your haul of wickets in the 1985 series and the decisive role you played at Brisbane and Melbourne in 1986 makes the Sky board uncomfortable. Sport is supposed to be about the taking part not the winning and the fact that you beat Australia in five of the seven Ashes series you played against them means that you obviously don’t share our belief.

Then there is the series that has recently concluded. Having looked back at the tapes, you seem to have taken an unhealthy delight in glorifying and gloating about England’s success. On several episodes you mocked the Australian team and players like Mitchell Johnson, Michael Clarke and Xavier Doherty in particular. Worse of all, your comments about Doug Bollinger’s hair demonstrate that you are a closet baldist.

If this wasn’t enough, your running battle with Ian Chappell places us in an untenable position. Chappell is 67 and we simply cannot tolerate Sky employees bullying an old age pensioner let alone challenging them to a bout of fisticuffs.

Finally, we have become aware that you had a torrid two-year affair with an Australian waitress named Kylie Verrells. We have testimony that you promised to marry her and even engaged in bondage sessions with the demure young lady. Doubtless you enjoyed dangling an Australian girl on a string. As part of Sky’s new pious approach, we simply cannot tolerate lies, misogyny, adultery and dubious sexual acts.

All these episodes of playing to win, anti-Australianism, baldism, ageism and adultery amount to gross misconduct in Sky’s HR policy and mean that you are dismissed with immediate effect.

Yours sincerely,

A. Faceless HR bod

Where next?

Botham's Ashes

See Ian Botham stink the place out in Sky's new Ashes advert

All-time England Ashes XI - All-rounder

Zeroes: Mitchell Johnson

Doug Bollinger as you've never seen him before

Michael Clarke joins Linkin Park

Follow us on Twitter @thereversesweep

Once upon a time in the court of King Ricky...

 
Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, Prince Ricky ascended to the throne upon the death of King Stephen. The King is dead, long live the King.

It was akin to Camelot, King Ricky had at his disposal a quorom of fearsome Knights, the like of whom had not been seen since the time of the Round Table. Chief amongst them was Sir Shane – a Knight that was able to conjure up victory from the jaws of defeat such as in the famous skirmish with the English at the Battle of Adelaide in 2006.

Many foes tried to storm the citadel, but all were easily beaten. King Ricky’s Green and Gold expedition force was also all-conquering overseas apart from a surprise defeat to the English in 2005 where Sir Glenn was felled by an arrow in the ankle, Sir Adam was rendered ineffective and the English found a new hero in Freddie of Preston.

But after being newly installed as Prince Regent of England due to the madness of King Vaughan, Freddie’s attempt to storm King Ricky’s castle a year later was met with ignominious defeat and ultimately the pedalo scandal.

King Ricky was now at the peak of his powers as the most dominant ruler in the world – no arrow could pierce his armour and no sword could breach his shield.

Then at the point of his greatest triumph, Sir Shane succumbed to his gambling habit, absconded from the castle and was last seen consorting with a failed actress. Sir Justin and Sir Glenn departed at the same time and shortly afterwards, Sir Matthew left to become a full-time cook and Sir Adam hung up his helmet to become a well-paid mercenary.

With his best Knights deserting him at the same time, a bereft King Ricky was suddenly vulnerable. Overseas raiding parties now met with regular defeat on the battlefield and the nototiously brittle Proteas army even managed to breach the walls of King Ricky’s castle, before his forces launched a successful counterattack.

But with the newly powerful English landing on his shore in the autumn of 2010 under the astute leadership of Lord Strauss of Radley and his Chief Adviser – a mysterious wizard only known as Flower, King Ricky knew the game was up. His new Knights were not up to the task. Sir Doug wears a toupee for Christ's sake, Sir Twatto has no staying power and is prone to tears, Sir Mitch is just as likely to slice himself open with his own sword then kill any of the enemy, and as for his heir Prince Michael the less said the better.

King Ricky took a gamble. Sir Nathan had proved a steady if uninspiring successor to Sir Shane. But King Ricky didn’t need steady, he needed the X-Factor. So, he knighted his unimpressive steward as Sir Xavier, and Sir Nathan was sent to the haberdashery to sell his old armour.

But, Sir Xavier had no pedigree and failed to impress in the battles at Brisbane and Adelaide. In the aftermath of the latter tussle, his fool Hilditch suggested that King Ricky have a Beer instead and lo and behold that is exactly what happened.

Things got better temporarily at the Battle of Perth, where Sir Mitch and Sir Cricket excelled but the English decimated his army at the Battle of Melbourne and King Ricky himself was wounded as his castle was ransacked by the rampant English sprinkled with some Proteas insurgents.

Too little, too late it was decided to exile the disgraced Sir Xavier and Sir Nathan was handed a new suit of armour for the forthcoming battle for the Holy Grail. King Ricky and his predecessor have successfully held onto the precious Grail for 12 years, but either King Strauss, King Muppet or King Mahendra all look set to wrest it from his grip over the coming weeks.

All seems lost for King Ricky. He has even taken to humming a tune from the famous English songsmith Sir Christopher of Martin:

“I used to rule the world / Seas would rise when I gave the word / Now in the morning I sleep alone / Sweep the streets I used to own ...”    

The inevitability of final defeat awaits and King Ricky knows that his folly of placing his kingdom in the hands of the untried Sir Xavier has proved to be a mistake of the most deadly proportions.

Prince Michael, it would seem, is already practicing his apologies and planning a new tattoo for his coronation - not that he is going to be King of much.

Where next?

Is this Ponting's cataclysmic epitaph?

Michael Clarke joins Linkin Park

Ashes 2010/11: Australia series marks out of 10

Ashes 2010/11: England series marks out of 10

Shane Watson: Finally the bride 

Check out all our Reverse Sweep heroes and zeroes including amongst others Nathan Hauritz, Justin Langer, Matt Hayden, Brett Lee, Sachin Tendulkar, Andy Flower, Andrew Hilditch and Hedley Verity

Follow us on Twitter @thereversesweep

How England won the Ashes: Part 1 - Preparation

 
Like many English cricket fans we are still basking in the joy of Ashes triumph and fully intend to gloat and glorify about it for some time to come. We make no apologies for this as having been starved of success down under for 24 long years and having copped plenty of flak from our Antipodean cousins, the shoe is now most definitely on the other foot.

As such over the next few days, the Reverse Sweep will look at some of the reasons why we believe that England triumphed and Australia choked. Preparation seems a good place to start.  

It was Thomas Edison who coined the phrase “genius is only 1% inspiration, but 99% perspiration” and in terms of having done all their homework prior to the big event, Andy Flower and Andrew Strauss would get a large tick in the box from Thomas.

In 2006 England arrived beset by injuries, had the untried axis of Fletcher and Flintoff at the helm and played a couple of jolly warm-up matches before taking the field for the 1^st Test at Brisbane thoroughly under-prepared. Unsurprisingly, they were royally rogered by an Australian side intent on revenge from 2005. The whole thing stunk of complacency, hubris, ineptitude and eventually farce.

Messrs Flower and Strauss however left no stone unturned. Following a team-building boot-camp in Bavaria, England played three proper first-class matches upon arriving in Australia, which they played to win. They sent their first-choice bowling line-up to Brisbane early to acclimatise whilst the likes of Tremlett, Bresnan and Shahzad blasted England to a 10 wicket win over Australia A.

Australia on the other hand, played a one day series with Sri Lanka just prior to the first Test, named a 17 man squad and then jettisoned their first-choice spinner Nathan Hauritz for a punt on the untried Xavier Doherty. The whole thing smacked of uncertainty and a lack of planning.

Consequently, when England were blown off course first by Peter Siddle and then Mike Hussey and Brad Haddin in the 1^st innings at Brisbane, they were able to come back in the second with the infamous 517/1. In part this was down to the ineptitude of the Australian bowling, but it was also because the England players had been well-prepared, well-drilled and knew exactly what they were doing.

The best-prepared side won at a canter in 2006, exaggerating the already large gap between the sides. But with the two sides supposedly so evenly matched before the series started, it was England’s preparation and their ability to hone and execute well-defined plans that was one of the keys to their triumph.

Flower and Strauss - Edison would be proud of you.

Where next?

The curious case of Nathan Hauritz

Ashes 2010/11: Australia series marks out of 10

Ashes 2010/11: England series marks out of 10

Read all the latest from our Ashes 2010/11 coverage

Check out all our Reverse Sweep heroes and zeroes 

Follow us on Twitter @thereversesweep

Ashes 2010/11: Australia series marks out of 10

 
Australia's selectors confusingly named a 17 man squad prior to the Brisbane Test, so it is perhaps fitting that 17 men - not the same 17 mind - were eventually used throughout the series. Here are how they rated:

Shane Watson - 6 (5 Tests, 435 runs at 48.33, HS 95; 3 wickets at 74.33, BB 1/30): 435 runs and four fifties wouldn't normally be a bad series return especially in a well-beaten side, but Watson's failure to go on to record even one big score after getting to 36 eight times demonstrated that he is still a lower-middle order batsman desperately trying to be an opener. Doesn't rotate the strike enough, although maybe his abysmal running between the wickets has something to do with that after being involved in three catastrophic run-outs in the series. A reluctant bowler.

Simon Katich - 4 (2 Tests, 97 runs at 24.25, HS 50): Probably has the same low opinion of Shane Watson as us after being run out without facing a ball in the batting paradise of Adelaide. Started the series with a typically gritty 50 and ended it prematurely in Adelaide on one leg bravely refusing a runner. Australia missed his battling qualities thereafter, but with a team to reconstruct it is unlikely that the 35 year old will wear the Baggy Green again.

Phillip Hughes - 3 (3 Tests, 97 runs at 16.16, HS 31): Looked all at sea when he came in at Perth especially against Tremlett, but improved steadily match by match. However, a top score of 31 in three Tests is not good enough for an opening batsman and he would appear to have so many technical deficiencies that one wonders whether he will ever make a successful test batsman. Another sold down the river by Watson's keystone cops running, but he served his revenge cold in the second innings at Sydney.

Ricky Ponting - 2 (4 Tests, 113 runs at 16.14, HS 51*): Could it have been any worse for Ponting? Became the first Australian skipper to preside over three Ashes reverses since Billy Murdoch - when Queen Victoria was on the throne. Then there was his batting, where he made less runs in the series than Siddle and Johnson. Finally, his epitaph as captain - and maybe even as a test player - was the unseemly incident with the umpires at Melbourne. A broken finger is the least of his problems. 

Usman Khawaja - 6 (1 Test, 58 runs at 29.00, HS 37): Came in for his debut Test at Sydney with an increasingly desperate Australian press hyping him so much we were expecting the new Brian Lara. Khawaja did reasonably well though, dismissively pulling his second delivery in test cricket for four and generally looking composed and relaxed at the crease. Expect to see much more of him in the Baggy Green.

Michael Clarke - 4 (5 Tests, 193 runs at 21.44, HS 80): With Ponting's form deserting him, it was up to the vice-captain to step up to the plate. Clarke failed dismally and was guilty of a number of careless dismissals - especially getting out to Pietersen in Adelaide after his one decent knock of the series. Became Australia's 43rd Test captain at Sydney and quickly found that Lara Bingle was easy to manage in comparison. Is Clarke the tough character required to lead the rebuilding project? We're not so sure.

Michael Hussey - 9 (5 Tests, 570 runs at 63.33, HS 195): Came into the series with the axe hovering over his head, but emerged as Australia's best performer. Batted like Superman at Brisbane and Perth and fully deserved his two centuries. And for three Tests he stood almost alone of Australia's top six in facing down the England attack. Faded at Melbourne and Sydney after the effects of the kryptonite wore off, but that should not detract too much from a fine series for Mr Cricket.

Marcus North - 2 (2 Tests, 49 runs at 16.33; 1 wicket at 110.00): Started the series with his head in the noose and was hung out to dry after the heavy defeat in Adelaide. Australia's best spinner in Brisbane and Adelaide - not that there was much competition, but looked all at sea with the bat especially against Swann. Another unlikely to don the Baggy Green again.

Steve Smith - 4 (3 Tests, 159 runs at 31.80, HS 54*; no wickets): Ridiculously picked as a number six by the increasingly erratic Australian selectors at Perth, Smith was clearly out of his depth. His leg-spin showed some promise, but he picked up no wickets and went at four and a half runs an over. He is not yet ready for test cricket with either bat or ball, although he certainly has some pluck as evidenced by his fifty on the final day of the series.

Brad Haddin - 7 (360 runs at 45.00, HS 136): Started off the series like a train with a brilliant century at The Gabba, which as part of his 300 partnership with Hussey seemed to have put Australia in control. Increasingly became derailed as the series wore on with careless dismissals and some none-too-pretty work with the gloves. How long will Haddin be able to fend off the challenge of young pretender Tim Paine?

Mitchell Johnson - 4 (15 wickets at 36.93, BB 6/38; 122 runs at 17.42, HS 62): The ultimate hit or miss cricketer. Atrocious in Brisbane, dropped for Adelaide, the matchwinner in Perth, poor in Melbourne and indifferent in Sydney. Bowled plenty of tripe and went at over four an over during the series, but when he gets it right - as he did in Perth - Johnson is unplayable and therein lies the paradox. Also blew hot and cold with the bat with two fifties and three ducks.

Ryan Harris - 6 (3 Tests, 11 wickets at 25.54, BB 6/47; 14 runs at 3.50, HS 10*): Came in at Adelaide and bagged a king pair, but was Australia's best (make that only) bowler without getting much reward. Cashed in at Perth with nine wickets, before going wicketless at Melbourne and picking up a stress fracture. Has the pace, ability and heart to make a return to the test side, but perhaps not the body.

Peter Siddle - 6.5 (5 Tests, 14 wickets at 34.57, BB 6/54; 154 runs at 19.25, HS 43): Started off the series with a bang at Brisbane with a hat-trick and six wickets, and then took another six for in his home test at the MCG. But only two other wickets in the other five innings he bowled in smacks of inconsistency and it is interesting that he was successful when bowling a slightly fuller length. Probably didn't expect to score more runs and have a better average than Ponting, but looks to have some promise with the bat. One for the Australian selectors to persevere with. 

Ben Hilfenhaus - 2 (4 Tests, 7 wickets at 59.28, BB 3/121; 55 runs at 11.00, HS 34): Was our tip as leading wicket-taker before the series but proceeded to bowl like a bowling machine stuck in one delivery. He had only played one test in Australia prior to the series and it transpired that he was a shadow of the bowler who did so well in the 2009 Ashes. Needs to watch religiously a DVD of how James Anderson bowled.

Doug Bollinger - 1 (1 Test, BB 1/130, 7 runs): Was full of talk before the series about how he was going to let Pietersen's ego get him out, but as plans go it was up there with playing russian roulette with a fully loaded gun given KP's double hundred. Went at 4.5 runs per over, showed poor fitness levels, and made Watson's body language look positive. Unsurprisingly, the selectors decided the champagne was flat after just the one test. 

Xavier Doherty - 1 (2 Tests, 3 wickets at 102, BB 2/41; 27 runs at 9.00): Plucked from nowhere by Australia's erratic selectors to replace Nathan Hauritz and started well with 2/41 in the 1st innings at Brisbane. The wheels fell off after that though with Doherty looking every inch what he was - a bowler with a first-class average of over 50. Went at over five an over in Adelaide, but did do what he was brought into the side for by getting Pietersen out - for 227!

Michael Beer - 2 (1 Test, 1 wicket at 112; 4 runs at 4.00): Was surprisingly picked in the squad for Perth after only a handful of first-class matches and was finally handed a debut at Sydney. Looked a better bet than Doherty, but the moment that he over-stepped and handed Cook a reprieve proved to be the final nail in the coffin for Australia. Did enough though to suggest that he may get another chance.

Where next?

1st Test: England marks out of 10, Australia marks out of 10

2nd Test: England marks out of 10, Australia marks out of 10

3rd Test: England marks out of 10, Australia marks out of 10

4th Test: England marks out of 10, Australia marks out of 10

5th Test: England marks out of 10, Australia marks out of 10

The Curious Case of Nathan Hauritz

Check out all our Reverse Sweep heroes and zeroes

Read KP's Ashes Diary exclusively at the Reverse Sweep

Read all the latest from our Ashes 2010/11 coverage

If you like this, follow us on Twitter @thereversesweep

The Boundary View: England crush Australia to end 24 years of hurt - Sydney, Day Five

 
24 years of hurt, never stopped us dreaming 

Like many we wrote before the series that this Australian team was there for the taking, but despite this our natural English pessimism led us to predict that the series would end 2-2. How wrong we were. All 13 players used by England during the series performed well - even Paul Collingwood who led the way in the field, whilst only four Australian players turned up - five if you include Mitchell Johnson at Perth. England prepared thoroughly, were well led and performed brilliantly, and after 24 years of woe down under, it feels good to give the Australians a dose of their own medicine. Long may it continue.

High noon

Just before noon it was Chris Tremlett who fired the final bullet by bowling Michael Beer and so consigning Australia to a third crushing innings defeat of the series - the first time that they have suffered this ignominy even against the mighty West Indian sides of the 1980s. Tremlett has been a revelation since coming back into the side at Perth, but this is the moment that will be retold again and again to the grandchildren.

Jimmy floors 'em like Tyson

Alastair Cook deserves all the plaudits coming his way as Man of the Series, but James Anderson deserves equal mention. The wicket of Ben Hilfenhaus gave Anderson an impressive 24 wickets at 26 for the series - the most wickets by an England seamer in a five-Test series in Australia since Frank Tyson took 28 in the 1954/55 series. The 'Typhoon' has gone down in Ashes folklore for his contribution on that tour and that is exactly what Anderson deserves for proving all the doubters before the series incontestably wrong - including us (see Dear Jimmy...).

A bright future

Collingwood may be retiring but the rest of the squad should be around for some time yet. England's current ICC ranking of 3 is about right as there is still some way to go before this side can be mentioned in the same breath as India and South Africa. But with the Proteas being perennial bridesmaids and with the likes of Tendulkar, Dravid and Laxman probably nearing retirement,England's goal of becoming the number one side in the world seems more than realistic. A downer like the one suffered by the Ashes winning side of 2005 doesn't seem likely for this team with Messrs Strauss and Flower at the helm. 

Player of the day

Paul Collingwood led England out on his final day as a Test cricketer and as such he is our sentimental player of the day - farewell to England's working class hero.

Zero of the day

This one has to go to the Australian selectors. Their confused selection of a 17 man squad before the series set the tone and plenty of strange selections followed - Australia's best spinner Nathan Hauritz didn't play a single Test with the selectors preferring a man with a first-class average of over 50 (Xavier Doherty) and then Michael Beer - a bowler with only a handful of first-class matches under his belt. Phil Hughes was picked with a first-class season average of 15 and Steve Smith was picked for... well despite his plucky 50 today we are still trying to work that one out.

Where next?

Day 4 @ Sydney: England on the brink of joining Ashes immortals

Day 3 @ Sydney: Cook & Bell in the pink as England take command

Day 2 @ Sydney: England progress after Johnson's sting in the tail

Day 1 @ Sydney: Rain interrupts war of attrition

Read all the excerpts from KP's 2010 Ashes Diary

Read all the latest from our Ashes 2010/11 coverage

Check out all our Reverse Sweep heroes and zeroes 

Follow us on Twitter @thereversesweep

The curious case of Nathan Hauritz's banishment from Australia's Ashes side

 
We've never been Nathan Hauritz's biggest fans at the Reverse Sweep (see the link at the end of this post for evidence), but even we would admit that he had done a reasonable job as Australia's spinner and indeed was (and still is) incontestably the best twirler to wear the Baggy Green post-Warne.

Sure, he struggled in India just prior to the Ashes but a) he was just coming back from injury, b) Ricky Ponting's lack of faith in his spinner was ably demonstrated by the atrocious fields he set, and; c) it's not as if he was the first spinner to struggle in India - just ask Warne and Murali.

Butother than India, Hauritz had done a steady if unspectacular job and actually took 29 wickets in six home tests against Pakistan and West Indies last year at a decent 26.82. Those two sides may not exactly be the strongest in the world, but we can't imagine that Xavier Doherty or Michael Beer would have done as well.

Hauritz also did quite well in the 2009 Ashes, taking 10 wickets in 3 Tests at 32.10. Indeed, the decision to leave him out of the XI in the decider at The Oval probably ensured that Australia's grip on the Ashes was relinquished.

Despite his culling from the national side, Hauritz has also picked up 19 wickets in six first-class matches this season at 26.78 (as well as hitting his first two first-class hundreds). Hardly spectacular, but as we hinted before pretty reasonable. Again, it is significantly better than Beer's 16 wickets at 43, Doherty's almost identical 15 at 43 -or even Steve Smith's 12 at 42.

So, Hauritz really would seem to be the best spinner Australia has and their failure to call on him during the series appears to be inexplicable. We're not saying that Hauritz would have made the difference between Australia winning and losing the Ashes, but we bet he would have done better than those that replaced him.

Where next?

5th Test preview: England aim to give Clarke a baptism of fire

Michael Beer's selection explained

Zeroes: Nathan Hauritz

Zeroes: Andrew Hilditch

Read all the latest from our Ashes 2010/11 coverage

The best and worst Test XIs of 2010

If you like this, follow us on Twitter @thereversesweep

KP's Ashes Diary: 2nd January - It was KP that won it...

 
Wow, I am an Ashes winner again and as I explained the other day, my team-mates and England supporters all have me to thank for it.

Back in 2008 when I was captain, I devised a grand plan to get rid of that imbecile Peter Moores even though it meant sacrificing my position as skipper. Well, everyone loves a martyr don't they?

Part 2 of the plan was to develop a supposed weakness against left-arm spin, thus tricking the evil Australians into dropping their star spinner Nathan Hauritz. I had to do something after Hauritz's brilliant bowling got me out at Cardiff in 2009. 

I didn't realise how well this would work as first Xavier Doherty and then Michael Beer have been called up by the foolish Australian selectors - it would be like us picking me as a specialist spinner instead of Swanny or maybe even making me captain again - ha ha!

I can now reveal that I should also be given the credit for the rebirth of Chris Tremlett as a world-class bowler after I did all that work with him on my frequent trips to the Rose Bowl, before we both ended up at Surrey. I was also the one that persuaded the selectors to pick Jonathan Trott at the Oval in 2009 and my refusal to bat at three led to Trotty becoming the best batsman since Bradman. You see, I am a batting, coaching and selectorial genius!

I wasalso responsible for the safe evacuation of the Chilean miners, the creation of the coalition government in the United Kingdom and the end of Apartheid in South Africa - even though I was only a small boy at the time, I was Mandela's Chief Advisor.

Next on the agenda is world peace, democracy in North Korea and the renaissance of my good friend Lalit Modi. Now, where did I put those pills...

Where next?

Read all the excerpts from KP's 2010 Ashes Diary

Read all the latest from our Ashes 2010/11 coverage

Check out all our Reverse Sweep heroes and zeroes

If you like this, follow us on Twitter @thereversesweep

The worst Test XI of 2010

 
After picking our best Test XI of 2010, we thought it might be fun to look at who was top of the flops, so here in all their glory (or should that be failure?), is our worst Test XI of the year:

1. Imran Farhat (383 runs at 23.93) - Two fifties in 16 innings is pitiful for a test match opening batsman and from what we saw of him in the summer in England, a test match opener is not something Farhat should be for much longer. 

2. Imrul Kayes (292 runs at 20.85) - Not very good - make that clueless - against the short ball, which let's be honest is a prerequisite for a test match opener. When you consider that 2010 was actually Kayes' best year in test cricket, it tells you everything you need to know about his 'ability'.

3. BJ Watling (125 runs at 17.85) - As a test match top order batsman, BJ sucks (sorry, we couldn't resist that one). The worst of a series of mediocre cricketers to have worn the Black Cap in 2010.

4. Ricky Ponting (813 runs at 36.95) - Poor stats by his standards, but hardly disastrous until you take away his 209 at Hobart which leaves 604 runs at 28.76. Surrendered the Ashes and his dignity in an ugly spat with the umpires at what could prove to be his final test in Melbourne. Naturally, Punter captains this side of flops and miscreants.

5. Yuvraj Singh (94 runs at 23.50) - 2010 was an annus horribilis for the portly Yuvraj: out of runs and out of favour in the IPL, part of India's disastrous World T20 campaign and ejected from India's test side due to poor form and fitness before enduring chants of 'water boy' when performing 12th man duties. He did eat a lot of pies though.

6. Umar Akmal (365 runs at 24.33) - Why have one Akmal in your team, when you can have two? Started off the year, with many predicting big things for the youngest Akmal brother and ended it being best known for his green lipstick. May bounce back once he realises that Test cricket is not T20 and requires innings to be built.

7. Kamran Akmal (123 runs at 10.25; 27 catches) - Absolutely dreadful with bat and gloves. Started the year by serially dropping Mike Hussey at Sydney and then put in an even worse performance at Trent Bridge. By the time his replacement Zulqarnain Haider went AWOL, Pakistan still preferred either of his brothers behind the stumps to the butter fingered Kamran.

8. Xavier Doherty (3 wickets at 102) - Inexplicably plucked from obscurity by Australia's confused selectors and promptly sent back to whence he came after two dreadful performances - and with a first-class average of over 50, it was hardly a surprise. So bad that he makes the team ahead of Paul Harris.

9. Ben Hilfenhaus (18 wickets at 41.38) - Hilfenhaus actually looked Australia's best bowler in the two match series in India, but he has flopped badly in the Ashes with only four wickets at 73 apiece and has lacked any sort of variation. Actually makes the side because we had predicted he would be the leading wicket taker in the Ashes series. Whoops!

10. Rubel Hossain (9 wickets at 90.55) - Even by the standards of Bangladesh's powder-puff attack, Rubel was particularly inept and he conceded nearly five runs an over to boot in his six tests in 2010.

11. Brandon Bess (1 wicket at 92.00) - Made Australia's selection of Xavier Doherty look inspired. Bess was called-up as a late injury replacement against South Africa at Bridgetown and promptly bowled 13 overs for 92 runs with just  the solitary wicket of Paul Harris - which somehow seems rather apt.

Where next? 

Brandon Bess - The strangest test debutant of them all

Over-rated cricketers - Yuvraj Singh

Ricky Ponting's cataclysmic epitaph

Zeroes: Paul Harris

Zeroes: Kamran Akmal

Exclusive: The New Ten Point Pakistan Player Code of Conduct

Historic India-Pakistan peace summit flounders on cricket diplomacy

Pakistan cricket's next 11 crazy events

Read all the latest from our Ashes 2010/11 coverage

Check out all our Reverse Sweep heroes and zeroes

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KP's Ashes Diary: 23rd December - Mitchell, Santa & the Second Coming

 
Two days to go until Santa arrives peeps and I'm more excited than when Mitchell Johnson gave me his mobile number.

Perth Forgotten

Indeed, all the excitement over Christmas and seeing Mitch again on Boxing Day means that I have pretty much forgotten about Perth. It was just a blip and had absolutely nothing to do with our wives and girlfriends arriving. That said, I did have to change my bat in the second innings when I noticed that Jess had written a saucy message on the bat grip. I can't remember what happened next ball though...

The Second Coming

It hasn't gone unnoticed in the camp that Cooky's birthday falls on Christmas Day and you can be sure that we've got plenty of surprises planned for the young lad. I'd always though I should have been born on Christmas Day, given that I am the Second Coming. 

Mitch's number

A lot of people have asked me why I asked for Mitch's number in the middle at Perth. It was a simple mistake. I assumed he was for hire, because he'd given me a good net in Brisbane that got me all set up for my big innings in Adelaide. I was just hoping to book him in for Melbourne. Now of course, I've realised that he is Australia's best bowler. What ever happened to Xavier Doherty?

Right, Happy Christmas peeps I'm off to wrap some presents and then help wrap up the Ashes from Boxing Day. See you all at the MCG!

Where next?

Read all the excerpts from KP's 2010 Ashes Diary

Read all the latest from our Ashes 2010/11 coverage

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Michael Beer's selection for WACA Test explained

 
We've been racking our brains at the Reverse Sweep to understand why Australia have replaced one inexperienced and sub-standard left arm spinner in Xavier Doherty with another in Michael Beer who has even less first-class experience.

We think that we may know the answer. And it is a remarkably simple explanation.

As the Australian selectors convened and Chairman Andrew Hiditch called the meeting to order, he explained that they had a number of tricky choices to make and suggested that they start with the specialist spinner position.

"I think we would all agree that Punter's gamble on his Tasmanian mate hasn't worked. Unfortunately, Xavier doesn't have the X-Factor" Hidlitch may have said.

"The choice seems to be either going back to Little Nathan, or maybe picking another left-arm spinner like Steve O'Keefe or even this guy that Warney has mentioned called Michael Beer. What do you think?"

At this point, the waiter came to the table and asked what everyone wanted to drink.

"Beer" answered David Boon, still thinking wistfully of his recently sacked mate Merv Hughes.

"I'll go for beer too" agreed Jamie Cox.

"Why not, I'll have beer as well" said Greg Chappell.

"Ok, Beer it is" said Hilditch. "That was remarkably easy. Now that's move on to Marcus North's position..." 

Where next?

Zeroes: Andrew Hilditch

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Where do demoralised Australia go from here?

 
In the end Australia left Adelaide with barely a whimper and long before the arrival of the thunderstorm that must have being praying on English minds overnight. 
 
In truth the only storm that counts is the one that is now engulfing Ricky Ponting and the Australian selectors as they try to find an XI that can compete with England and somehow win two and draw one of the three remaining tests in the series. Otherwise, Ponting is in danger of having his legacy as the best Australian batsman since Bradman besmirched. Instead, he will forever be known as the captain that lost three Ashes series.
 
As an honest Ponting admitted, Australia were “out-batted, out-bowled and out-fielded” by a rampant England team. And as he and the selectors pick through the wreckage, the temptation will be to make wholesale changes to the side that takes the field at the WACA next week.
 
There will be at least one change, with Simon Katich’s achilles problem ruling him out of the rest of the series and given his years will perhaps curtail his test career for good. Phil Hughes is likely to return at the top of the order. Elsewhere, Marcus North’s position at number six will come under scrutiny and then there are the bowlers. Of the four who played in Adelaide, only Ryan Harris comes out with any credit with the other three all in danger of losing their place.
 
Aside form Andrew Strauss’ injudicious leave, Doug Bollinger looked was simply dreadful - he wasn't quick enough, leaked too many runs and his body language was terrible. He certainly lacked the fizz that his name would otherwise imply. As such Mitchell Johnson’s exile may only last for one match.
 
Peter Siddle has experienced the highs and lows of test cricket in just a week - six wickets and a birthday hat-trick on day one of the series and 54 wicketless overs since. Whilst he continued to run in and give it everything, Siddle looked like what he is – a bowler returning from a long-time injury. It is likely to come down to a borderline decision between him and Ben Hilfenhaus – who was inexplicably left out at Adelaide.
 
Both may play if the selectors opt for four seamers – as Xavier Doherty’s brief sojourn in test cricket will surely be put out of its misery. The gamble simply hasn’t worked – hardly surprising given his first-class record. However, having dispensed with Nathan Hauritz before the series, are the Australian selectors prepared to look a bit foolish by going back to him cap in hand now? Or do they turn instead to the rookie Steve Smith, who could take North’s place and provide support to a four-seam attack? If so, Mark Cameron of New South Wales is a good outside bet to join Harris, Johnson, Siddle and Hilfenhaus in the squad.
 
If Hauritz gets the nod and Australia retain the four bowler policy with Shane Watson as back-up seamer, North could survive for his home test. Cameron White - a possible alternative to Clarke as next captain, Usman Khawaja and Callum Ferguson are all contenders for North's spot if the selectors press the eject button.
 
For what it’s worth our squad would be as follows, with the XI highlighted in bold: Watson, Hughes, Clarke, Hussey, Ponting, White, Haddin, Johnson, Hauritz, Harris, Hilfenhaus, Siddle and Smith. We've been calling for Ponting to drop down the order for a while. It will allow him to compartmentalise the captaincy and give him a better chance of getting back to his imperious best with the bat.

Where next?

Read all the latest from our Ashes 2010/11 coverage

1st Test: England marks out of 10, Australia marks out of 10

2nd Test: England marks out of 10, Australia marks out of 10

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2nd Test - Adelaide: Australia marks out of 10

 
Ricky Ponting will know that from the fourth ball of the Test, his team were given an absolute hammering by England in Adelaide. His selectors now have some open heart surgery to conduct before naming the squad for the WACA. Katich is out injured and North, Doherty and Bollinger could all be dropped. A third series loss as captain is looking inevitable at the moment for Ponting.

Here's how the Aussies rated in Adelaide:

Shane Watson – 6: Scored two fifties and again looked in good touch, but he really needs to start converting some of these fifties into hundreds. Bowled tidily. Needs to improve his calling and running between the wickets.

Simon Katich – 4: His dreadful run out for a diamond duck started Australia's slide but he fought hard with the bat second time around. With his achilles ruling him out of the series, has he played his last Test?

Ricky Ponting – 2: A dreadful match for the skipper. A golden duck was followed by a real struggle against Swann in the 2nd innings. This all-time great deserves better than the insipid bowling attack he has at his disposal.

Michael Clarke – 6: Poor run continued in the 1st innings but showed real character in the 2nd even if he rode his luck at times. His dismissal to KP must have hurt nearly as much as Lara Bingle's infidelity.

Michael Hussey - 8: Mr Cricket's renaissance continued as he was out in the nervous nineties for the second Adelaide Ashes Test in a row. Fifty in the second innings gave Australia hope, but will be disappointed with his dismissal on the final morning.

Marcus North - 4: The notorious poor starter got to 20 in both innings, but was unable to press on and he will do well to survive for Perth. Was again Australia's best spinner in the match, but he didn't exactly have much competition.

Brad Haddin - 6: Looked a million dollars with the bat in the 1st innings, but Anderson got him with a beauty second time around. Continues to look fallible with the gloves although he took a wonderful diving catch to finally get Cook out. 

Ryan Harris – 6: Was Australia’s best bowler in the Test by a country mile - not difficult admittedly - and bowled with real heart and fire. Not a number eight after his king pair and doubtless not a fan of the Review System either.

Xavier Doherty – 1: Did what he was brought into do by taking Pietersen's wicket. The trouble being that KP had 227 by then and he returned figures of 1/158 from 27 impotent overs. No control, no flight, no guile and no chance of playing Test cricket again. Lucky to get 1.

Peter Siddle – 4: The highs and lows of Test cricket. Six wickets in the 1st innings at Brisbane and 0/211 since. Bowled with his usual heart but looked tired and lacking in quality.

Doug Bollinger – 1: No improvement on Mitchell Johnson. Went at nearly five an over, showed dreadful body language and would have gone wicketless but for Strauss’ misjudgement. The champagne over his recall has gone flat already. Come back Mitchell, all is forgiven.

Where next?

Read all the latest from our Ashes 2010/11 coverage

1st Test: England marks out of 10

1st Test: Australia marks out of 10

Check out all our Reverse Sweep heroes and zeroes

If you like this, follow us on Twitter @thereversesweep

The Boundary View: Swann soars as England stroll - Adelaide, Day Five

 
Swann soars

So, Brisbane was just a blip for Graeme Swann after all despite the doom and gloom merchants suggestingthat he was just the latest off-spinner to find Australian wickets a graveyard. Here in Adelaide though Swann has provided both wickets and control to produce match figures of 70.1-14-161-7. The pitch may have been on his side in the second innings, but Swann bowled beautifully and will be confident that he can strut through the rest of the series now.

King pair

Ryan Harris may have been the pick of a rather dismal Australian attack in Adelaide, but he is no test match number eight. He followed his unlucky golden duck in the 1st innings by padding up to James Anderson first ball to complete a king pair. Again he referred the decision - more in hope than expectation this time - and again the decision went against him. With Mitchell Johnson and Stuart Broad both recording ducks at Brisbane, no number eight has yet scored a run in the series.

Soft centres?

In the Sunday Times this weekend, Martin Johnson suggested that the Australian cricket team's toothlessness could be down to the "namby-pamby nanny state" that the country has become. We're not sure about that - witness Simon Katich's bravery yesterday - but Australia certainly folded today with barely a whimper. The writing was on the wall as soon as Steve Finn forced Michael Hussey to miscue an attempted pull straight to James Anderson at mid-off. Anderson, who had been poor in the innings thus far, then got Brad Haddin and Harris in successive balls. When Marcus North was adjudged leg before after a review to Swann two balls later it was all over for Australia.

Like father, like son?

Not this time. In the build-up to the series a number of pundits (including us) suggested that Stuart Broad could emulate his father Chris - who hit three hundreds in the 1986/87 series - by playing a starring role in a successful jaunt down under. But the worst fears were confirmed as Broad Junior was ruled out of the rest of the tour with the stomach injury he suffered bowling on the fourth day. Only two matches ago, Broad was scoring 169 at Lord's - talk about the highs and lows of Test Cricket. 

Commentator's Curse?

Finn had just taken Hussey's wicket and the Sky Commentary team were heaping the praise with Shane Warne enthusing about how well Finn had bowled in Adelaide. So what happened next? Finn bowled a delivery straight out of the Mitchell Johnson school of bowling - it started wide and wentwider as it went miles past North's leg stump and down to the boundary. Definitely a case of commentator's curse as Warne opined himself.

Player of the day

Graeme Swann was asked to produce the goods and he didn't disappoint with his 10th five wicket haul in Test cricket.

Zero of the day

It's hard to look past Marcus North, who is now likely to leave the last chance saloon with a one way ticket to the obscurity of domestic cricket.

Prospects for Perth

Australia look in disarray and will need every one of the nine days before the Perth test starts to get their house in order. There will be more changes - Katich, who is out of the series now with his achilles, is one. North looks vulnerable as does Doherty and Doug Bollinger hardly covered himself in glory. England will be on a high and other than a shootout between Tremlett, Shahzad and Bresnan for Broad's place, will head to Perth via Melbourne with none of the worries etched on Ricky Ponting's brow.

Where next?

Read all the latest from our Ashes 2010/11 coverage

Day 4 at Adelaide dissected: Two out of three ain't bad

Day 3 at Adelaide dissected: Double Trouble & The Able KP

Day 2 at Adelaide dissected: Cook serves up a dish of deja vu and That won't work either, Punter...

Day 1 at Adelaide dissected: Australia capsizes to Jimmy  and Dear Jimmy...

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The Boundary View: Double Trouble & The Able KP - Adelaide, Day Three

 
Form slump? What form slump?

If you'd waited 21 months to score a Test hundred, you might as well make it a double when you finally reach three figures again. That seemed to be the policy of Kevin Pietersen as he banished all talk about his form to the waste bin with a sparkling 213 not out before Ricky Ponting's rain dance finally worked. KP looked back to his best technically and the way that he dismissed the Australian bowlers suggested that mix of supreme confidence with a twist of arrogance is back. Certainly, the Aussies will wonder if all the talk of a form slump was for real - KP now averages 60 against them with three hundreds and seven fifties in 14 Tests. 

Just one more run, Straussy?

We hope it is just a coincidence but England's total of 551 is exactly the same as their 1st innings at Adelaide four years ago. And we all know what happened then. So don't be surprised if Andrew Strauss sends Pietersen and Bell out to add just one more to the total in the morning. He can always say it was because he wanted the duo to reach its 100 partnership - it currently stands at 99. 

Make mine a double

Prior to this series only three English batsmen had scored double hundreds in an Ashes encounter in Australia - Wally Hammond with three, Tip Foster and Paul Collingwood. Cook and now Pietersen have joined this exclusive club after only three inings in this series. We're not sure whether this says more about the extent to which the odds have been weighted towards the batsmen in Brisbane and now here at Adelaide, or the quality (or otherwise) of Australia's bowling attack. Whatever, it is good to see English batsmen finally getting t0 200 more regularly - Jonathan Trott's 226 against Bangladesh earlier in the year means that three of the eleven scores of 200+ by England batsmen since 1990 - see full list here - have now come in 2010.

No X-Factor again for Doherty

If Pietersen wanted to correct his supposed fallibility against left-arm spinners, he couldn't have asked for a more obliging victim than Xavier Doherty. Unsurprisingly, for a bowler with a first-class average of 50, Doherty is lacking at Test level and an absence of flight and guile meant that England have been able to pick him off with ease at five runs an over. He might have managed one more Test than either Beau Casson or Bryce McGain, but the lack of any type of X-Factor means that Doherty will be voted out of the side by the flawed Australian selection panel for Perth - we doubt that he'll ever return.

Remember, it's still 0-0...

England may have resoundingly bullied Australia for the last five days of cricket in this series (there are effectively 1068/5 since the start of the second innings in Brisbane!), but as Shane Warne reminded everyone the scoreline is still 0-0. So, all the talk about the Australians having to make wholesale changes to their side for Perth is a tad premature. If rain or a 2nd innings fightback means that they escape with a draw here, then Ponting will have nine days to rally his troops before hostilities are renewed at the WACA. So, it was good to see KP referring to this in his interview after play had been abandoned for the day.

Player of the day

We predicted before the match that Kevin Pietersen looked set for a big score and for once we have been proved emphatically right. He is certainly one for the big occasion - as he proved in the World T20 Final and at The Oval in 2005 - and there is nothing bigger for an England player than as Ashes series in Australia.

Zero of the day

It's tempting to give it to Doherty again - or even the rain gods - but the body language of Doug Bollinger has been nearly as awful as his bowling. If it hadn't been for Andrew Strauss' ill-advised leave yesterday then Bollinger's figures would have been the same as Mitchell Johnson's at Brisbane - none for a lot. And Bollinger has gone at five an over proving that the champagne of his recall has already gone flat.

What happens next?

Rumours of Ponting leading his charges in a rain-dance in the home dressing room at the Adelaide Oval are so far unfounded, but a deluge of rain or a huge hundred from the Australian captain seem his side's only hopes of avoiding going 1-0 down in the series. Graeme Swann must be licking his lips at the thought of bowling on this pitch on the final two days.

Where next?

Read all the latest from our Ashes 2010/11 coverage

The 30 Greatest Batsmen Ever: Part 1 (30-21), Part 2 (20-11), Part 3 (10-1)

Day 2 at Adelaide disected: Cook serves up a dish of deja vu and That won't work either, Punter...

Day 1 at Adelaide disected: Australia capsizes to Jimmy  and Dear Jimmy...

Check out all our Reverse Sweep heroes and zeroes

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Zeroes: Andrew Hilditch

 
As the pain for their side continues in Adelaide, we're sure that most Australians would concur with us that their Chairman of Selectors Andrew Hilditch has a lot to answer for. 

Whilst his fellow selectors Greg Chappell and David Boon are also complicit, as Chairman the buck should stop with Hilditch for what has to date been a confused and borderline schizophrenic selection policy.

Nathan Hauritz isn't the greatest spinner in the world, but he isn't the worst either and he'd taken a bag of wickets in the home series against Pakistan and West Indies last summer. So the decision to drop him before the series was strange. As Shane Warne rightly observed, by dropping the incumbent, Hilditch and co put themselves in a difficult position should they need to go back to him.

That they selected a replacement with a first-class bowling average touching 50 only compels the error and surprise, surprise Xavier Doherty has looked out of his depth and has failed to take wickets or tie up an end - indeed he has gone at five an over in Adelaide.

Ever since a 17 man squad was named ten days prior to the 1st Test, Australia's selection policy has looked panickyand confused. True, they got the decision to stick with Mike Hussey right, but the continued retention of North plusthe jettisoning of Hilfenhaus and even Johnson after one only Test smacks of England's selection merry-go-round of the 1980s and 90s. Ricky Ponting certainly didn't seem too impressed with the cards Hilditch had handed him when he spoke immediately before Adelaide.

If one looks for a clue as to why Hilditch's decision making has a tendency to go wonky under any sort of pressure, we only need to look at what he did at the crease during his mostly unsuccessful spell as a Test opener.

Hilditch was rather fond of playing the hook - even if he didn't execute the shot very well. So opposition captains - like David Gower in the 1985 Ashes series - set the trap and like a punch-drunk boxer, Hilditch fell for it every time. His idiocy at falling for the same trick each time was exemplified by the fact that fielders could be seen laughing as he Hilditch departed in the all-too familiar fashion. His last test was against New Zealand - yes, you've guessed it he was out both times to hook shots.

So, Mr Hilditch, if you are thinking about dropping anyone for Perth, perhaps you should hook your own name from the office door before even Doherty's and North's. 

Where next?

Read all the latest from our Ashes 2010/11 coverage

Australia pick Kylie and Dame Edna for the Ashes

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The Boundary View: Cook serves up a dish of deja vu for hapless Australia - Adelaide, Day Two

 
Cook serves up another helping of humble pie

Until now there was only one choice as to who was the most famous Cook to land on Australian shores - and here's a clue it wasn't Gordon Ramsey. But Alastair Cook seems to be on a one man mission to change this. He picked up where he left on in Brisbane as he continued to plunder runs from a feeble Australian bowling attack. His 15th Test century never looked in doubt and the technical faults that plagued him in the English summer seemed to have vanished into thin air. We apologised to James Anderson yesterdayfor doubting that he could succeed in Australia and we owe one to Cook too for having the temerity to question his place in the side. But for once (or is it twice?) we are happy to be proved emphatically wrong. And on Cook we weren't the only ones - were we Michael Atherton?

Deja vu for Ponting

Ricky Ponting must have thought he was caught in a nightmarish time warp during Cook and Jonathan Trott's 2nd wicket partnership of 173 - which extended their unbroken stint at the crease from The Gabba to 502 runs and nearly 10 hours before the latter was eventually out. Some of the names in his bowling attack were different, but the results were the same for Ponting as catches were dropped, the bowling was ineffectual, his left-armer quick (Bollinger this time) was expensive and had poor body language - and Cook, Trott and then KP continued on their merry way. The lowpoint must have been when a decision to give Cook caught behind off Siddle was overturned by the third umpire. As Atherton remarked, that must have been enormously dispiriting for the hapless Aussies. With England effectively 834/3 since the start of their 2nd innings in Brisbane, Jeff Thomson's assertion that the current Australian attack is the worst for 30 years is looking truer by the day.

King Trott V

Trott continued to lord it over his favourite opponents - he averages over 100 against Australia - and made a lightning start to his innings today with a flurry of flicked and driven boundaries through the off-side.  Trott has developed a regal presence at the crease and now has the 5th highest average ever for those with more than 1000 test runs - see list of best Test averages here. And there were those that doubted he should bat at three.

Strauss's brain fade

What is it with Andrew Strauss and the third ball of the day? After his misjudgement in the 1st innings at Brisbane, he repeated the trick with a cherry on top to Doug Bollinger's third delivery this morning. Choosing to leave a ball that hits the top of the stumps was a massive error for a man who otherwise hasn't put a foot wrong since he landed on Australian soil. But at least it enabled him to put his feet up in the pavilion and enjoy a feast of batting.

Come back Nathan all is forgiven

It takes a lot to make Nathan Hauritz look good, but Xavier Doherty has managed to achieve that. The pitches at Brisbane and now Adelaide may have been good, but one gets the impression that the only way hewill take wickets is if the batsmen give it away. As Shane Warne has observed the Australian selectors are now in a bit of a pickle. Having made the decision to replace Hauritz before the series, should they now go back to him? Or should they opt for the rookie Steves - Smith or O'Keefe? Whatever they do, their selection policy has been irrefutably flawed and has smacked of panic - as evidenced by dispensing with Johnson and Hilfenhaus after Brisbane. Shades of England in the 1990's? 

Player of the day

For the third time in the series it is the relentless run machine Alastair Cook. The way he is going Wally Hammond's record for an Englishman of 905 runs in an Ashes series (see Adelaide Hero - Wally Hammond) is looking within reach. He is almost halfway there  with 438 runs after only three innings - and he can make further inroads tomorrow.

Zero of the day

After only three balls it looked like Strauss had this one sown up, but as the day unfolded the out of depth Xavier Doherty claimed an unassailable grip on this dubious honour. A spinner is supposed to give you control on a good pitch when the mercury is rising and going at over four runs an over is almost a dereliction of duty. The hapless Australian Selectors share the award for their ridiculous gamble on a bowler with a first-class average of 50.

What happens next?

We predicted before the match that Kevin Pietersen looked set for a big score and having waited for what must seem a week to bat his first test hundred in 17 long months looks within reach. He certainly looked back to his fluent best today. Cook could reach another milestone if he can replicate Hammond's back to back hundreds at Sydney (251) and Melbourne (200) in the aforementioned 1928/29 series. Another day of pain awaits Australia barring rain.

Where next?

Read all the latest from our Ashes 2010/11 coverage

Day 1 at Adelaide disected: Australia capsizes to Jimmy  and Dear Jimmy...

Check out all our Reverse Sweep heroes and zeroes

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Ashes Podcast: Two Poms vs Two Aussies

It's only taken us about six months, but finally we managed to skive off work for long enough to participate in the 'One Hand, One Bounce' weekly podcast organised by our good friends at World Cricket Watch in Melbourne.

Naturally, we picked at the bones of the Brisbane Test especially the carcass of Mitchell Johnson and looked forward to the Adelaide Test, which starts tomorrow.

All sorts of frivolity ensued including marking the two teams from Brisbane out of 10, Winston Churchill's views on Johnson and predictions for the 2nd Test, which saw that rarity of not one, but two pessimistic Australians.

Hopefully, our debut was more impressive than Xavier Doherty's - we joined at approximately 18 minutes after Dave, Jimi and Murray had given their marks out of 10 for the Australia side - otherwise we can expect to be replaced by Nathan Hauritz. We shall see!

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Where next?

2nd Test Preview: Can England capitalise on psychological advantage?

Zeroes: Mitchell Johnson

Read all the posts in our Ashes 100 day countdown

2nd Test: Adelaide - Preview: Can England make psychological blows count?

 
England's fightback at Brisbane was nothing short of astounding as they turned likely defeat into a psychologically advantageous draw. Like most England fans, we were thinking "here we go again", as Andrew Strauss and Alastair Cook just survived to the close on the end of the 3rd day still over 200 runs behind.

But we were wrong and the 'Gabbatoir' became Australia's slaughterhouse over the next two days as first Strauss and Cook, and then Cook and Trott wrote their way into the record books. How could we ever have doubted you, England?

If a scorecard of 517/1 gave England the edge at the Gabba, then the subsequent dropping of Australia's misfiring attack leader Mitchell Johnson is another psychological blow for Ricky Ponting and his men. Whilst Johnson's performance in Brisbane was dreadful, removing him from the team after one test suggests there is panic and uncertainty in the Australian camp.

Adelaide is likely to be another paradise for batsmen to fill their boots and for bowlers to toil and if Brisbane taught as anything, it is that both teams are going to struggle to take 20 wickets on good pitches. That said, Australia were unable to make scoreboard pressure count in England's second innings at The Gabba and it will be interesting to see what happens if the roles are reversed in Adelaide.

For Australia, Marcus North has taken Michael Hussey's stool in the last chance saloon and there are question marks as to whether Doug Bollinger and/or Ryan Harris will come in. Michael Clarke also looked out of sorts in Brisbane and Xavier Doherty probably has just this match left to show that he is a better bowler than a first-class average of 50 suggests.

England look in better shape. The top three scored hundreds in Brisbane and both Kevin Pietersen and Ian Bell looked in fine fettle. England's seamers looked sharper than their Australian counterparts too - Peter Siddle apart - and James Anderson showed that he is a completely different bowler from four years ago. England's only real problem centres on Swann, who had a poor Test to bring back all the question marks over the effectiveness of off-spinners on Australian wickets.

Both teams will be looking to win the toss and post a big 1st innings score and then see if they can make scoreboard pressure count.

Likely line-ups

England are likely to be unchanged barring any late injuries, although there has been some mutterings that Ajmal Shahzad, whose ability to get reverse swing should suit the Adelaide wicket, may come in for Steve Finn.

For Australia, we know that there will be at least one change with Bollinger or Harris coming in for Johnson. Both may play if the selectors decide to leave Ben Hilfenhaus out too.

Look out for...

Kevin Pietersen looked better than he has for ages during his 43 at Brisbane and a big score cannot be that far away. He scored 158 in the last Adelaide Test and being fond of the limelight, he will be especially determined to steal away some of Cook's thunder. 

Marcus North has a habit of saving his skin just when you think he is a goner, so don't be surprised if he hits his sixth Test hundred - and his first in Australia.

The resumption of the war of words between Shane Watson and James Anderson, which threatened to boil over at times in Brisbane and which should continue to provide excellent theatre.

Previously at Adelaide

Australia have won 16 of 29 Tests against England at Adelaide, whilst the visitors have triumphed on eight occasions. Here is what happened in the last four, along with Adelaide's most famous Test of all:

2006 - Australia won by six wickets: The nadir of a dreadful series for England saw them start the final day 97 runs ahead with nine wickets left on a flat track before Shane Warne induced an almighty panic, leading to the most ignominious of defeats.

2002 - Australia won by an innings and 51: Despite a brilliant 177 from Michael Vaughan, England could only muster 342 batting first. A ruthless Australia responded with 552 for nine with Ponting hitting 154 and England then folded for 159 in their second innings.

1998 - Australia won by 205 runs: At 187/3, with Hussain and Ramprakash going well, England were looking good in response to Australia's 391, but then came the all-too familiar batting collapse as the last seven wickets fell for 40. Chasing an unlikely 443, England succumbed in their 2nd innings too - this time for 237 - and Australia had retained the Ashes again.

1995 - England won by 106 runs: England's last win in Adelaide was their only moment of joy in the 1994/95 series. Australia led by 66 on 1st innings, but a belligerent 88 off just 95 balls by Phil De Freitas enabled England to set the Aussies 263 to win. Devon Malcolm and Chris Lewis then took four wickets apiece as Australia could only make 156.

1933 - England won by 338 runs: The most infamous Test match ever? It nearly broke an Empire. With the series locked at 1-1, England slipped to 30 for four before recovering to 341. Then the real drama unfolded as first Woodfull and then Oldfield were felled by Larwood. Cables were exchanged between the ACB and MCC, mounted police kept a baying crowd from rioting and Jardine maintained his iron rule as England cantered to victory. 

Prediction:

It is difficult to see either side taking 20 wickets, so we go for a draw. However, if England win the toss and post a big first innings score, don't be surprised to see the Aussies collapse like at Lord's and The Oval in 2009.

Where next?

England's best Test performances of the noughties

Ten tips for The Ashes

Zeroes: Mitchell Johnson

The 25 Greatest Ashes Tests of them all: Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3