The Reverse Sweep

After 386 days, at last someone gives England a game

The conclusion of the last Ashes Test in Perth seems a long, long time ago. For those with short memories, Australia’s victory saw the series between two supposedly evenly balanced sides (not quite as it turned out) levelled at 1-1 and Mitchell Johnson appeared to have rediscovered his mojo (oh dear).

Since then England have been waiting for someone, anyone to give them a bit of a contest. In the nine Tests following the end of the WACA Test, England have won seven Tests – five by an innings – and drawn two. Indeed, but for the atrocious English weather in May and June it could well have been nine wins out of nine.

The battle for supremacy between India and England turned out to be a bit of a damp squib as the tourists were brushed aside with contemptuous ease in a summer where England’s only fright came at Trent Bridge. For just short of two days, India appeared to hold the advantage until Stuart Broad’s hat-trick followed by a sublime hundred from Ian Bell completed a memorable England fightback.

One day internationals were another matter but when it came to two innings cricket, England appeared to be as impregnable as a sense of humility is to Shane Warne and Elizabeth Hurley.

So it comes as some surprise that (albeit in a warm-up game) England just scraped home by three wickets against a hotchpotch XI of associate cricketers grouped together under the auspices of an ICC Combined XI in Dubai. It is the first time that any opposition has had a whiff of victory against a white-clothed England since Perth some 386 days ago.

It does make one wonder if following a likely second successive 4-0 whitewash away from home, India might consider playing a three Test series against the Combined XI on their way home. Although on current form, one wouldn’t feel too confident about India’s chances.

Where next?

The best Test XI of 2011

Read our Cricket Review of 2011

India's batting line-up and Goebbels's big lie

Check out all our Reverse Sweep cricket heroes and zeroes 

If you like this, follow us on Twitter @thereversesweep

The redemption of Michael Clarke

Rewind 12 months and the reception Michael Clarke received from his home crowd was very different to today after his splendid 329 not out at the very same Sydney Cricket Ground.

Those were dark days for the heir apparent to the Australian cricket captaincy. Booed by his own supporters as England romped to a third innings victory of what had been a wretched series personally for Clarke. With his vulnerability outside off-stump ruthlessly exposed by a rampant bowling attack, Clarke’s return for the series was a paltry 193 runs at 21.44. Even his one decent score of 80 was ended just before stumps on the fourth day at Adelaide by the unlikeliest of bowlers in Kevin Pietersen.

With Australia humiliated most felt it was time for Ponting to hand over the reins but not too many were backing Clarke’s candidature. Indeed, there was a whiff of an ‘Anyone but Clarke’ campaign in the press as alternatives like Shane Watson, Brad Haddin and Tim Paine were bandied around.

His detractors believed that Clarke was too soft and undeserving of a job some Down Under feel is second only to that of Prime Minister. Some cited that he had left the tour of New Zealand to deal with the breakdown of his relationship with Lara Bingle (forgetting that he had returned in time for the Test and promptly scored a hundred).

Others pointed to his famous fracas with Simon Katich after Clarke had requested the team song be got out of the way early so he could go out to dinner with Bingle. How un-Australian was that? Preferring to go out with his Sheila to drinking beer with the boys. This was clearly not a man cut from the same cloth as the granite-like Border, Waugh and Ponting. Men who if you cut them in two would probably bleed green and gold and in the case of Waugh who probably wears his baggy green when he makes love to his wife.

How wrong they all were. Clarke may well wear moisturiser and be more effete than his predecessors – Kim Hughes apart (he even had a girl’s name), but he is shaping up to be a damn good Australian captain.

As a disciple of Shane Warne  - the best captain Australia never had, Clarke has for the most part adopted Mr Liz Hurley's imaginative, attacking and adventurous captaincy style. He hasn’t been afraid to bring the spinner on early on a seaming pitch, has turned Hussey into a bit of a golden arm and has skilfully handled his talented but raw seam bowling attack. Yes, his paint-by-numbers press conferences are still boring, but whose aren’t in this media controlled world of today?

And what about his batting? There was never any doubt about his class. We saw glimpses of his talent in the 2005 Ashes and by the time of the next series in England four years later he was head and shoulders the best batsman on either side. Unfortunately, last year’s series saw him, like many of his colleagues, enduring a catastrophic slump in form and confidence.

Since assuming the captaincy and albeit with the benefit of a 329 not out, Clarke averages 64.42 and now has four hundreds in 15 innings. Detractors will point to the embarrassing batting collapses at Cape Town and Hobart that cost Australia two test matches, but these happen to all sides occasionally especially one in transition. Lest it not be forgotten that in the Cape Town Test, Clarke made an absolute gem of a hundred in the 1st innings against Dale Steyn at his menacing best.

Results too have been promising even if drawing at home to New Zealand was obviously disappointing. Sri Lanka were beaten in their own backyard and the way Australia bounced back from their Cape Town nightmare to chase over 300 in Johannesburg and square the series has to reflect well on the skipper. Equalling England’s 4-0 whitewash of India cannot be ruled out either at this rate.

And what about those accusations of selfishness and being self-absorbed? We'd say declaring when you were 329 not out and putting the team before personal glory goes a long way to answering that. Clarke even let Hussey reach his own landmark of 150 before unleashing his bowlers on a demoralised India.

Redemption has indeed been sweet for the man they still call Pup.

Where next?

Michael Clarke and Ricky Ponting hundreds just a sideshow for Channel 9

Michael Clarke, Lara Bingle and Australia's 47 all out

Dale Steyn's duel with Michael Clarke

Michael Clarke joins Linkin Park?

Michael Clarke's ticker

Read our Cricket Review of 2011

Check out all our Reverse Sweep cricket heroes and zeroes 

If you like this, follow us on Twitter @thereversesweep 

Dear Santa... - What have these cricketers requested for Christmas?

It's that time of year again and like the rest of us, the cricket fraternity have been compiling their list of requests for Santa.

Here's what some of them may have asked for this Christmas: 

Daniel Vettori - Protection. With 2011 having seen a number of dictators leaving this mortal coil, along with President Assad of Syria, Dictator Dan is one of only a handful left

Phillip Hughes - It's not exactly been a good year for poor old Phil, so his list to Santa is bulging with wishes such as a request to rescind his decision to opt out of BBL now that he has lost his Test place, a book of the best Worcester hosteleries ahead of his stint with the county and for Chris Martin and Martin Guptill to be sent on a one-way mission to Mars

Ricky Ponting - A time machine so he can relive past glories

Salman Butt, Mohammad Asif and Mohammad Amir - A DVD of The Great Escape and a tunnel making kit

Chris Gayle, Dwayne Bravo and Kieron Pollard - Lucrative contracts in the new Twenty 20 leagues in Outer Mongolia, Belarus and the Falkland Islands

Stuart Law - A one way ticket from Dhaka to Brisbane

Ijaz Butt - World War III 

Kevin Pietersen and Andy Flower - A bottle of paraffin, some matches and a lorry full of Graeme Swann's autobiography

Jonathan Trott - A Bob Willis voodoo doll

Jesse Ryder, Jacques Kallis and Graeme Smith - A KFC bargain bucket per day for life

Shane Warne - Some humility

Kamran Akmal - A new pair of gloves made of industrial strength velcro coupled with a small accident for brother Adnan

Darren Sammy - Catching lessons from Kamran Akmal

Sachin Tendulkar - Something about a 100th hundred. Not quite sure what that is all about

Shane Watson and Zaheer Khan - New bodies in time for the Boxing Day Test.

Where next?

Chasing Sachin by Adam Carroll-Smith | Book Review

Jack Hobbs by Leo McKinstry | Book review

Check out some of our Cricket XIs: They also played cricket, Rugger Buggers, Cricketing Criminals , A team of cricketers that died young, The Worst Australia Ashes XI of the last 30 years, The Worst England Ashes XI of the last 30 years

Check out all our Reverse Sweep cricket heroes and zeroes 

If you like this, follow us on Twitter @thereversesweep

Shane Warne gets burnt, Harbhajan Singh gets robbed: Conspiracy or coincidence?

At first when we heard that Shane Warne had burnt his hand we just thought that he had either overdone the self-tan or had an accident with one of Elizabeth Hurley's hot wax treatments.

We didn't for one minute believe the official explanation that Warne had hurt himself cooking as by the looks of him he clearly doesn't eat. But nothing too sinister appeared to be afoot.

Then we heard that Harbhajan Singh had been robbed. On the same day.

The two events are either completely unconnected or there is a malicious and uncontrollable perpetrator with an almighty grudge against former (sorry Harbhajan) international spin bowlers.

Rumours that Anil Kumble, Muttiah Muralitharan and rather amusingly Xavier Doherty have been put under police protection could not be substantiated at the time of going to press.

Where next?

Shane Warne comes out

Farewell and a tribute (of sorts) to Shane Warne

Seven reasons why the Poms love Shane Warne

India have found some bowlers

Cricket zeroes: Channel 9's Commentary Team

Check out all our Reverse Sweep cricket heroes and zeroes 

If you like this, follow us on Twitter @thereversesweep 

Shane Warne comes out

Despite having a packed schedule of manicures, botox, fake tan applications and teeth whitening not to mention his very public relationship with Elizabeth Hurley, Shane Warne announced yesterday that he was coming out of retirement to play for Melbourne Stars in the forthcoming Big Bash League.

The move was hardly a surprise but given that he only retired from cricket just a few months ago, Warne's seeming quest to emulate Frank Sinatra as the comeback king has gathered more pace.

Warne claimed that his motivation for coming out was not money, but let's face it Hurley is a pretty expensive girl to keep and Warne's monthly grooming costs alone must equal the GDP of a mid-sized African country.

Hurley has built a career on being paid unfeasibly large sums of cash for not doing a lot and it seems that she has now managed to transfer this ability to her fiancé.

Rumours that the body of Don Bradman was being exhumed so that he could turn out for the Adelaide Strikers were denied by a BBL spokesman last night.

Where next?

Farewell and a tribute (of sorts) to Shane Warne

Seven reasons why the Poms love Shane Warne

KP's Ashes Diary: 15th December - Lamborghinis, hundreds & Liz Hurley

Kamran Akmal's new career as a comedian

Check out all our Reverse Sweep cricket heroes and zeroes 

If you like this, follow us on Twitter @thereversesweep

What the ICC can learn from Sam Warburton's red card in the Rugby World Cup semi-final

Sport at the top-level is often decided by the slenderest of margins through a flash of genius or an individual error and sometimes a combination of the two.

If Shane Warne hadn't put down a fairly straightforward chance to repreive Kevin Pietersen at The Oval in 2005, Australia would have gone on to the level the most tumultuous of Ashes encounters and there would have been no urinating in the garden at 10 Downing Street, no flag-waving celebrations in Trafalgar Square and no MBEs.

Instead, Pietersen made the most of his lucky escape to score the most thrilling of maiden Test hundreds and Warne, who had been so magnificent in Australia's defence of the Ashes was left to rue the one that got away. That is how sport should be.

However, when the individual error is down to a match official especially in the rarified atmosphere of a World Cup semi-final then defeat is all the harder to take. The decision of Ireland's half-French referee Alain Rolland to send off Welsh skipper in the 17th minute of a thunderous semi-final on Saturday was just plain wrong.

Even with 14 men, Wales were still by far the superior side. This made Rolland's decision all the more galling. With their inspirational talisman, it is not inconceivable that Wales would have marched onto their first World Cup final by a 15-20 point margin such was the gap between the sides. Instead, a poor French side that was beaten by Tonga and has only performed well in the tournament for 40 minutes against England will fight for the sport's biggest prize next Saturday.

Ironically, Rugby is the sport that pioneered the use of technology to help eradicate human error from its officials. If Rolland had resisted the temptation to make a hasty decision, he could have gone to his touch judges or video referee to consult and consider and most importantly given himself time for the emotion of the incident to die down.

He would have then learnt that although Warburton's tackle appeared to be dangerous on first viewing, the fact that it wasn't malicious nor did the open-side fling Vincent Clerc to the floor with murderous intent meant that the right decision was a penalty to France and at most a yellow card for Warburton.

Rolland should have made use of the technology at his disposal and so should the ICC, whose u-turn on making the use of DRS mandatory was announced last week at the behest of the all-powerful BCCI. Technology is not perfect, because it doesn't capture everything and the final interpretation is still down to a human being, but it does reduce the number of mistakes and this has to be the key point.

Warburton and a nation of dragons would surely agree.

Where next?

The ICC: More U-Turns than Nick Clegg and David Cameron put together

Farewell and a tribute (of sorts) to Shane Warne

Dhoni’s no-ball and the case for or against technology

Eight reasons to love Kevin Pietersen

Check out all our Reverse Sweep cricket heroes and zeroes 

If you like this, follow us on Twitter @thereversesweep

England are the new Australia

 

As England fans we remember too well at the Reverse Sweep how often the dominant Australian side would snatch Test match victory from the jaws of defeat.

We lost count of the number of times that when they had slipped to three or four down for not very many, Steve Waugh or Adam Gilchrist would put their side back into the ascendency by grinding or blasting a hundred respectively. McGrath, Warne and co would then do the rest.

Happily, England have now developed similar good habits.

At first under the Flower-Strauss axis, England learned how to save Test matches from seemingly impossible situations. The trio of glorious nine-wicket down draws at Cardiff 2009, Centurion 2009 and Newlands 2010 provide ample enough evidence of that.

Now when England have to save a Test they do it with a bit more panache. And you don’t do that more emphatically than England did at Brisbane last November. 517/1 indeed.

England have now moved to the next level. At Trent Bridge and Lord’s last summer, England were in real trouble against Pakistan’s excellent bowling attack.

But they recovered in style. At Trent Bridge, it was Morgan and Collingwood in the 1st innings, and Prior in the 2nd. Whilst at Lord’s, it was that massive stand between Trott and Broad that took the Test and a drawn series away from Pakistan.

Yesterday’s first day at Lord’s provided another example of England’s resolve. First Cook and Bell played the Waugh part  to repair from a precarious 22/3, before Morgan and Prior assumed the Gilchrist role and blasted England into the ascendency by the close of play. England’s bowlers will probably do the rest over the coming days.

A sign of an excellent cricket side is the ability to turn games around in a blink of an eye. England can do that now. As can India – the final Test of the tour to Sri Lanka last summer being just one example – so the forthcoming Test series promises to be a real clash of the titans.

Where next?

Jack Hobbs by Leo McKinstry | Book review

1st Test, Cardiff: England marks out of 10

County Championship XI of the week #9

2nd Test Preview: Lord's - Imperious England target series win

Cricket Heroes: Jack Hobbs

Check out all our Reverse Sweep cricket heroes and zeroes

If you like this, follow us on Twitter @thereversesweep

Farewell and a tribute (of sorts) to Shane Warne

 
After more retirements and comebacks than Frank Sinatra, it seems that today really is the day that Shane Warne bows out of top-class (if that is not a misnomer for the IPL) cricket.

Perhaps fittingly, the best spinner of his generation (and maybe even in the history of the game) will be up against the premier batsman of the same era as Warne’s Rajasthan Royals take on Sachin Tendulkar’s Mumbai Indians.

Whilst Warne has become a bit of a caricature in recent times – the celebrity girlfriend, the orange fake tan and hawking more products than a lorry-load of travelling salesmen - he has been one of the true greats and has changed the game of cricket. Not many can say that.

Even as a Pom, we’ve nothing but admiration for Warne the cricketer – someone who proved as much of a talisman to Australia as Ian Botham once was to England in Ashes encounters. And like Beefy, Warney never seemed to be far from controversy – be it sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll as well as bottles of peroxide and of course a penchant for piling on the pounds.

Rewind to Adelaide 2006 and despite his powers having dimmed significantly, it was Warne who truly believed, Warne who inspired his team-mates, and Warne who psychologically harried England to fold so dramatically on that final day. He is the best captain Australia never had.

Warne held a spell over England right from the moment he bowled ‘that’ ball to Mike Gatting – even in the 2005 Ashes he was the standout player on either side. And it was not just his skill with the ball that had England in a trance for nigh on fifteen years. The sledges, the supposed new deliveries and the whole theatre that was part of every ball Warne bowled all played a part.

Suddenly, with the success of Warne, every international side saw spin as being as important as pace and that made for a more absorbing spectacle for cricket fans. And with apologies to Murali supporters, Warne is the best twirler we’ve seen in either Test or limited overs cricket.

Yes, he had flaws – big flaws – but you could never accuse Warne of being boring and he will forever be remembered along with the other great spinners of history (Rhodes, O’Reilly, Verity and yes Murali amongst others) in the cricketing pantheon.

Whilst we will continue to cringe with everyone else at some of his antics – the public affair with Elizabeth Hurley really is vomit inducing; we also look forward to hearing more of his honest, ridiculously optimistic and unique form of commentary.

So, as he rides off into the sunset astride the ghastly Hurley, it seems it really is time to bid farewell to Shane Warne the cricketer.

Margherita pizzas all round then.

Where next?

Seven reasons why the Poms love Shane Warne

Ashes hat-tricks starring Shane Warne

All-time Ashes XI

England's Dirty Dozen starring Adelaide 2006

Shane Warne's Ashes nightmare

The 25 Greatest Ashes Tests: Part 3 of 3

KP's Ashes Diary: 15th December - Lamborghinis, hundreds & Liz Hurley

If you like this, follow us on Twitter @thereversesweep

Yusuf Pathan goes from zero to nine on the Richter Scale

 
Prior to the last couple of months, three things came into mind when the name of Yusuf Pathan was mentioned.

The first was that he was the big brother of Irfan Pathan, whose disappearance from the Indian set-up is still a mystery to us at the Reverse Sweep.

The second was when Shane Warne amusingly described Yusuf’s 37-ball hundred against the Mumbai Indians as the best innings he’d ever seen – no more evidence of the ridiculous hyperbole that comes with the IPL is needed than that. Given that he had been in the field when Laxman made his infamous 281 at Kolkata this was perhaps the best example of Warney talking utter nonsense.

Finally, we knew Yusuf as the man that visibly shrunk when he pulled on an Indian jersey. Whether it was bowling pies, dropping catches or getting out cheaply, Yusuf was your man. Indeed, a particularly fleet-footed ant had more chance of making the earth shake than the seemingly impotent Yusuf.

Not now though. After two brutal ODI hundreds from Yusuf in the space of a few months, it would seem that he could be the final ingredient in India’s pursuit of the World Cup.

Both hundreds registered at least 9.0 on the Richter Scale and each came when India were in seemingly impossible situations. His 123 not out off only 96 balls led his side to an unlikely win against New Zealand in December.

And whilst his 105 in the deciding ODI against South Africa couldn’t quite retrieve a victory for India, it was a truly memorable innings with Yusuf unleashing a blitzkrieg of boundaries in moving from 66 to 101 in just 10 balls. It certainly shook South Africa to its foundations.

He hit 15 monstrous sixes across the two innings and with home advantage and the likes of Tendulkar, Sehwag and Gambhir to come back into the side, it would be a brave man that would bet against Dhoni lifting the World Cup once the elongated tournament reaches its conclusion sometime in 2012. If they do, it would seem that Yusuf will have a big say.

Where next?

The Lovers & The Shaggers - starring Yusuf Pathan   

Where did it all go wrong for India?

 The best Indian Test XI (1980-2010)

Check out all our Reverse Sweep heroes and zeroes including amongst others MS Dhoni, Sachin Tendulkar, VVS Laxman, Yuvraj Singh and Shoaib Malik

Follow us on Twitter @thereversesweep

Once upon a time in the court of King Ricky...

 
Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, Prince Ricky ascended to the throne upon the death of King Stephen. The King is dead, long live the King.

It was akin to Camelot, King Ricky had at his disposal a quorom of fearsome Knights, the like of whom had not been seen since the time of the Round Table. Chief amongst them was Sir Shane – a Knight that was able to conjure up victory from the jaws of defeat such as in the famous skirmish with the English at the Battle of Adelaide in 2006.

Many foes tried to storm the citadel, but all were easily beaten. King Ricky’s Green and Gold expedition force was also all-conquering overseas apart from a surprise defeat to the English in 2005 where Sir Glenn was felled by an arrow in the ankle, Sir Adam was rendered ineffective and the English found a new hero in Freddie of Preston.

But after being newly installed as Prince Regent of England due to the madness of King Vaughan, Freddie’s attempt to storm King Ricky’s castle a year later was met with ignominious defeat and ultimately the pedalo scandal.

King Ricky was now at the peak of his powers as the most dominant ruler in the world – no arrow could pierce his armour and no sword could breach his shield.

Then at the point of his greatest triumph, Sir Shane succumbed to his gambling habit, absconded from the castle and was last seen consorting with a failed actress. Sir Justin and Sir Glenn departed at the same time and shortly afterwards, Sir Matthew left to become a full-time cook and Sir Adam hung up his helmet to become a well-paid mercenary.

With his best Knights deserting him at the same time, a bereft King Ricky was suddenly vulnerable. Overseas raiding parties now met with regular defeat on the battlefield and the nototiously brittle Proteas army even managed to breach the walls of King Ricky’s castle, before his forces launched a successful counterattack.

But with the newly powerful English landing on his shore in the autumn of 2010 under the astute leadership of Lord Strauss of Radley and his Chief Adviser – a mysterious wizard only known as Flower, King Ricky knew the game was up. His new Knights were not up to the task. Sir Doug wears a toupee for Christ's sake, Sir Twatto has no staying power and is prone to tears, Sir Mitch is just as likely to slice himself open with his own sword then kill any of the enemy, and as for his heir Prince Michael the less said the better.

King Ricky took a gamble. Sir Nathan had proved a steady if uninspiring successor to Sir Shane. But King Ricky didn’t need steady, he needed the X-Factor. So, he knighted his unimpressive steward as Sir Xavier, and Sir Nathan was sent to the haberdashery to sell his old armour.

But, Sir Xavier had no pedigree and failed to impress in the battles at Brisbane and Adelaide. In the aftermath of the latter tussle, his fool Hilditch suggested that King Ricky have a Beer instead and lo and behold that is exactly what happened.

Things got better temporarily at the Battle of Perth, where Sir Mitch and Sir Cricket excelled but the English decimated his army at the Battle of Melbourne and King Ricky himself was wounded as his castle was ransacked by the rampant English sprinkled with some Proteas insurgents.

Too little, too late it was decided to exile the disgraced Sir Xavier and Sir Nathan was handed a new suit of armour for the forthcoming battle for the Holy Grail. King Ricky and his predecessor have successfully held onto the precious Grail for 12 years, but either King Strauss, King Muppet or King Mahendra all look set to wrest it from his grip over the coming weeks.

All seems lost for King Ricky. He has even taken to humming a tune from the famous English songsmith Sir Christopher of Martin:

“I used to rule the world / Seas would rise when I gave the word / Now in the morning I sleep alone / Sweep the streets I used to own ...”    

The inevitability of final defeat awaits and King Ricky knows that his folly of placing his kingdom in the hands of the untried Sir Xavier has proved to be a mistake of the most deadly proportions.

Prince Michael, it would seem, is already practicing his apologies and planning a new tattoo for his coronation - not that he is going to be King of much.

Where next?

Is this Ponting's cataclysmic epitaph?

Michael Clarke joins Linkin Park

Ashes 2010/11: Australia series marks out of 10

Ashes 2010/11: England series marks out of 10

Shane Watson: Finally the bride 

Check out all our Reverse Sweep heroes and zeroes including amongst others Nathan Hauritz, Justin Langer, Matt Hayden, Brett Lee, Sachin Tendulkar, Andy Flower, Andrew Hilditch and Hedley Verity

Follow us on Twitter @thereversesweep

Zeroes: Steven Smith

 
It would seem that the decline and fall of the Roman Empire had nothing on that currently being experienced by the Australian cricket team.

After years of dominance by an all-conquering side, the steady decline after their World Cup success of 2007 has suddenly turned into a rapid fall culminating in the recent catastrophic home Ashes series defeat.

Being England supporters here at the Reverse Sweep, one of the best things about Australia’s slide has been that they have started mirroring some of the worst excesses of the England cricket team of the 1990’s. Namely batting collapses from nowhere, toothless bowling, an unerring ability to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory and bizarre selections.

One of these has been Steven Smith. We’re still not quite sure what the point of Smith is. He most definitely isn’t a test number six, nor from what we have seen to date, is he even remotely a test class leg-spinner. He can field and he certainly seems to have a bit of pluck, but to be frank not much else.

The Australian selectors won’t admit it, but they are desperate to find a leg-spinner to replace Shane Warne, and much like the England selectors when trying to find a replacement for Ian Botham, they are prepared to try pretty much anyone - hence the likes of Bryce McGain getting a brief and painful experience of Test cricket.

England were also desperate to find an English Shane Warne in the 1990s. Ian Salisbury was picked, dropped and recalled before being discarded for good. Then in a move similar to the Australian’s premature punt on Smith, Chris Schofield was plunged in at the deep end after a handful of first-class matches and sunk without trace in two tests against Zimbabwe in 2000.

Smith is only 21, so he has time on his side and to be fair we were impressed with his counterattacking 77 against Pakistan at Headingley last summer. He also seems to have more about him than Schofield. And if he continues to enjoy the luck he had in the second innings of the Perth Test where he became the most fortunate Australian since Elizabeth Hurley invited Warney in for a nightcap, he may yet make the grade.

But at the risk of Smith metamorphosing into a genuine test-class leggie that proves the difference between the sides in future Ashes series, we’ll be surprised if it is Smith that has us crying into our beer if and when Australian cricket rises again - unless if it is with laughter of course.

Where next?

Seven reasons why the Poms love Shane Warne

Is Australia's spin cupboard bare?

The curious case of Nathan Hauritz

Check out all our Reverse Sweep heroes and zeroes: including amongst others Shane Watson, Nathan Hauritz, Mitchell Johnson, James Anderson, David Gower and Imran Khan 

Follow us on Twitter @thereversesweep

The Boundary View: Cook & Bell in the pink as England take command - Sydney, Day Three

 
'Daddy' Cook in the pink again

On a day when the SCG went pink in memory of Jane McGrath, Alastair Cook again looked in prime form as his plunder from the series rose to three hundreds and 766 runs. In the process, Cook became the 2nd highest run accumulator ever in a test series for England going past Denis Compton (753 vs South Africa in 1947) and his mentor Graham Gooch (752 against India in 1990 - in just three tests). Gooch is fond of the phrase 'Daddy' hundred to describe the importance of aiming big when a batsman passes 100. Cook has certainly done that in the series with scores of 235* at Brisbane, 148 at Adelaide and 189 here. And with Cook also passing John Edrich's record of batting 2,006 minutes in an Ashes series, he can ask Gooch 'who's the Daddy now?' 

From Sherminator to Terminator

After 18 Tests and 12 scores of 50 plus, Ian Bell finally got to three figures against Australia. In the process, he enjoyed the luck he perhaps hasn't previously in the Ashes. First, a decision to give him out caught behind off an inside edge when he had 67 was contentiously over-ruled on review when hot-spot failed to spot a mark on the bat. Then on 84, he was dropped by Steve Smith off a sharp caught and bowled chance. But as throughout the series, Bell's innings was one of the highest class and came when England needed it - countering all the old arguments that Bell only scores runs when the pressure is off.  When he came in, England were still 49 runs behind, but when he was out just before the close, he walked off with his side in complete command. As Shane Warne joked on-air, Bell has gone from sherminator to terminator.

Pup whimpers for Glenn on Jane McGrath Day

It was wonderful to see the support from players, supporters and broadcasters alike for Jane McGrath - although we're not sure about Nasser Hussain's shocking pink suit, but Michael Clarke may suggest simply re-naming day 3 at the SCG 'McGrath Day'. With Glenn McGrath so omnipresent on this day in particular, Pup will have been forgiven if he spent most of the day whimpering for the former all-time great to be in his attack. The fact that Shane Watson looked Australia's most dangerous seamer said everything and Clarke even had to turn to Mike Hussey for an over before tea. With Australia's next Test assignment being in Sri Lanka things are unlikely to get any better for Clarke's impotent attack.

What is the point of Steve Smith?

We're not quite sure what Steve Smith is supposed to be, and neither so it would seem is Clarke. With Smith demoted to seven in the order for this Test, it would seem that the selectors have him down as an all-rounder. But he failed with the bat again and then Clarke didn't turn to him with the ball until the England innings was over 100 overs old. When he failed to hold on to the admittedly difficult caught and bowled chance from Bell, it dawned on us that Smith could well be the first f***-all-rounder in Test history. As D-Ream once sang, 'Things Can Only Get Better' for the youngster.

Third time lucky for Beer could spell doom for Colly

Twice Michael Beer thought he had his first test wicket and both times he was foiled by the video umpire correctly reprieving Cook on 46 and 99. So it was hardly surprising that he gave a quick look at the umpire before celebrating the wicket of Paul Collingwood. A case of third time lucky for Beer, but not for Collingwood who probably hasn't had a worse taste in his mouth since he last sampled some of the local Australian brew. We're big fans of Colly here at the Reverse Sweep, but even we're not confident that we'll see him drinking again at the Test Tavern now. 

Player of the day

Alastair Cook has broken more records on this trip than a pious Radio 1 DJ who had been given a stack of gangsta rap vinyl, and he shares the plaudits with Ian Bell who finally removed that Ashes monkey from his back. Their partnership of 154 transformed a game that had been in the balance to one where England are now utterly dominant.  

Zero of the day

Although there were plenty of candidates amongst the Australian bowlers, it has to be Phillip Hughes. You could tell from his initial reaction that he knew that he hadn't caught Cook when he was on 99, but instead of asking the umpires to check the video he got carried away with the appeals of his team-mates. Did he really think that the footage would miss the obvious bounce before the ball went into his hands?

What happens next?

With the lead already 208, Australia's hopes of squaring the series are gone. England will likely try and bat until lunch before even considering a declaration with Matt Prior hoping to top the 85 he made in Melbourne. With the pitch likely to deteriorate, Australia will do well to combat Graeme Swann and avoid what seems a likely defeat. 

Where next?

Day 2 @ Sydney: England progress after Johnson's sting in the tail

Day 1 @ Sydney: Rain interrupts war of attrition

Read all the excerpts from KP's 2010 Ashes Diary

Read all the latest from our Ashes 2010/11 coverage

Check out all our Reverse Sweep heroes and zeroes 

The best and worst Test XIs of 2010

If you like this, follow us on Twitter @thereversesweep

The Boundary View: England progress after sting in the tail from Johnson - Sydney, Day Two

 
A sting in the tail

When James Anderson took his fourth wicket of the morning to reduce Australia to 189/8 with only five overs of the second new ball gone, England looked well set for another big victory here at the SCG. But a second fifty of the series from Mitchell Johnson and excellent support from Ben Hilfenhaus in a 9th wicket partnership of 76 may have given Australia a way back into the Test. Andrew Strauss hasn't got much wrong in the series, but he set the field back for Johnson too quickly and his continual field changes after every boundary had an element of a follow-the-ball policy. At least for the neutrals, the game is well poised after the one-sided contests in Adelaide and Melbourne.

Colly's last hurrah?

Many expect this to be Paul Collingwood's last test match, but he once again showed that he offers England far more than runs by bowling Mike Hussey with the last delivery before the new ball. In a four-man attack, it is absolutely vital that someone else can bowl a handful of tight overs so give the frontline bowlers some rest. And Collingwood has performed this role well in the series, bowling 31 overs for just 73 runs and is England's best fielder. But can he now do what is required in his main role with the bat to extend his test career beyond Sydney?

Tonight Matthew, I'm going to be Virender Sehwag

Andrew Strauss would normally be bracketed in the accumulator rather than master blaster brand of openers, but he was closer to Sehwag than Boycott today in recording his fastest test fifty off just 49 balls. Strauss was helped on his way by the filth served up by Australia's three frontline seamers especially Hilfenhaus, whom Strauss pulled for six over deep square leg.  Hilfenhaus got the last laugh though when the England captain missed a straight one, but he will hope his 60 from 58 balls has set the tone for England to build a big 1st innings lead.  

Beer loses his fizz

Australia have spent most of the series fighting a losing battle to get Alastair Cook's wicket, so when debutant Michael Beer induced Cook to sky a slog sweep to mid-on with only his 14th ball in test cricket, his arrival in the side suddenly looked akin to a selectorial masterstroke. Beer's celebration went flat immediately though with umpire Billy Bowden calling for the review, which confirmed a no-ball. It may only be Beer's eighth first-class match, but there is no excuse for a spinner overstepping in any form of cricket. Cook, who has now passed 600 runs in the series and is the second youngest man after Tendulkar to reach 5,000 test runs, will be looking to make Beer and Australia pay.

Tonight Matthew, I'm going to be David Hasselhoff

When Shane Warne suggested that Graeme Swann was going to be strutting around like David Hasselhoff prior to the series, he probably didn't expect to be bowling him throwdowns at the SCG. But, sure enough there was the former Baywatch star chewing the fat with Glenn McGrath and trying to hit Warne out of the ground. Perhaps it gave Kevin Pietersen his cue, as that can be the only excuse for getting out hooking Johnson with less than four overs of the day to go. Johnson isn't renowned for his brains, but he has managed to ouwit Collingwood and Ian Bell at Melbourne, and now Pietersen here with ill-judged hook shots.

Player of the day

James Anderson came into this series with many doubting whether he could shine in Australian conditions and with the kookaburra ball. He proved these people wrong straight away in Brisbane without getting the wickets he deserved. But ever since the wickets have come and his four wickets this morning took his tally for the series to 21 - seven more than anyone else. He just shades the honours today from Johnson, whose fifty and two wickets have given Australia a foothold in the match.

Zero of the day

Jonathan Trott batted for 499 minutes and 345 balls for his unbeaten 168 at Melbourne, but he came crashing down to earth with a six ball duck today. As a result his stellar test average dropped by  two and a half runs to 61.53 and his average against Australia by over 14 runs to 86.42. Still, it's not as if Trott wasn't due a failure.

What happens next?

A couple of quick wickets for Australia first-up will put them right back into the match and with Collingwood due in next, they will fancy their chances. England will hope that Cook can reach a third hundred of the series as part of getting a 150 run lead. It is all set-up for another fascinating day's cricket.

Where next?

Day 1 @ Sydney: Rain interrupts war of attrition

Read all the excerpts from KP's 2010 Ashes Diary

Read all the latest from our Ashes 2010/11 coverage

Check out all our Reverse Sweep heroes and zeroes 

The best and worst Test XIs of 2010

If you like this, follow us on Twitter @thereversesweep

The Boundary View: Rain the winner in war of attrition - Sydney, Day One

 
Old school

It may have been Sydney in January but it could just as easily have been Old Trafford in May as the 5th Test started under grey skies and increasingly frequent showers. Michael Clarke's first move as captain was a bold one after opting to bat despite the overhead conditions and a damp and green pitch. After that it was old school attritional test cricket as Australia's batsmen endeavoured to perform better than they had in similar bowler friendly conditions on Boxing Day in Melbourne. On that score, they succeeded but wickets at crucial times ensured that the honours just about went to England by the time rain brought a premature end to proceedings.

Out for lunch

Phillip Hughes has looked a batsman at war with his technical deficiencies since he came into the side at Perth. Today he battled hard in the difficult conditions and having seen off tricky opening spells from James Anderson and Chris Tremlett, he celebrated with consecutive boundaries off Tim Bresnan. But with lunch just three balls away, Hughes wafted at one outside off-stump from Tremlett and was caught by Paul Collingwood at third slip. Hughes still doesn't look like a test match opener to us, but at least his scores in the series are going in the right direction: 2,12, 16, 23 and now 31. 

Sparkling debut

David Gower famously pulled his first ball in Test cricket to the boundary and his fellow left-hander Usman Khawaja was similarly nerveless and composed in his first Test innings. He clipped two through the leg-side first ball before pulling his second to the boundary as he raced to 15 from his first eight balls. Things became less frenetic after that and Khawaja looked settled and well organised at the crease. He deserved better fortune than top-edging a sweep off Swann (striking again in the first over of a spell) to square leg the ball before rain stopped play for the day. Rotten luck but Khawaja confirmed that he has a bright future at the highest level. 

Watson's losing hand

Shane Watson may have been a team-mate of his at Rajasthan Royals and Hampshire, but we doubt whether he will follow Shane Warne to the poker table where an ability to stay expressionless is paramount. Watson isn't one to hide his disappointment behind a poker face when he is out and today we got the full repertoire. First, there was the cry of "oh no!" as he got an edge to one that shaped away slightly from Bresnan. Then there was a gesture with the right arm as the realisation that he had been dismissed sunk in, before finally the slow slouch off the ground. Watson had been particularly watchful in a morning session that saw him reach just 19 off 85 balls, but for the sixth time in the series he fell between 34 and 62 (and the 11th time in 14 innings against England) - another losing hand in terms of what is required from a test opener.

Player of the day

Chris Tremlett, who just takes the honours ahead of Khawaja, has been a revelation since coming in at Perth for his first Test in over three years. Once again, he was the pick of England's bowlers and had all the Australian batsman in trouble with his accuracy, bounce and movement. He may have only had the wicket of Hughes to show for it, but it was the 6'8" paceman that once again stood head and shoulders above the rest on day one.

Zero of the day

Michael Clarke's first move as Australia's 43rd Test captain was a brave one in opting to bat and a positive drive for three from his first ball suggested that this positivity was going to be transferred to his batting. But after that he went back into the shell in which he has habitually resided in the series, until he hit an erroneous cut to Anderson in the gully to depart for just 4. It certainly wasn't the example to set young Khawaja at the other end on debut. That's just 152 runs at 19 now in the series for the out of sorts Clarke.

What happens next?

The pitch will probably flatten out on day 2, so the partnership between Mike Hussey and Brad Haddin will be crucial for Australia in setting a decent 1st innings total. England will be hoping for more overcast conditions and a similarly miserly approach from their bowlers to bowl Australia out for less than 250. Weather permitting, it should be fascinating.

Where next?

The Curious Case of Nathan Hauritz

5th Test Preview: England look to give Clarke a baptism of fire

Read all the excerpts from KP's 2010 Ashes Diary

Read all the latest from our Ashes 2010/11 coverage

The best and worst Test XIs of 2010

If you like this, follow us on Twitter @thereversesweep 

5th Test: Sydney - Preview: England look to give Clarke baptism of fire

 
Mission Australia is almost accomplished. The Ashes have been retained, but the series is not yet won and England will be intent on securing the victory that will earn the 3-1 scoreline that their dominance throughout the series both deserves and demands.

England's stated intention is to become the number one side in the world. There is still someway to go until they are even close to achieving that - winning in India for example - but a series win in Australia would be a good start. Extra incentive could be provided by last year's series in South Africa when England went into the final match of the series in Johannesburg 1-0 up. They were then blown away by Dale Steyn and Morne Morkel and returned home with a creditable share of the spoils rather than a glorious scalp. 

The pitch at the Sydney Cricket Ground traditionally favours spin and swing, so Graeme Swann will look to reprise the leading role he played in the second innings of the crushing win in Adelaide. Swing King James Anderson too will be licking his lips - as will Mitchell Johnson if the radar has returned - at the prospect of embellishing his position as the leading wicket-taker in the series.

For Australia, the match has the appearance of a new chapter with Michael Clarke taking over from the injured Ricky Ponting to become Australia's 43rd Test captain - a position that has the same profile and pressure down under as the manager of the nation's football team does in England. There will be debuts too for Usman Khawaja - the first muslim to play for Australia - and Michael Beer, who will play his 8th first-class match and his first at the SCG.

Likely line-ups

England are likely to be unchanged with Tim Bresnan retaining his place ahead of the rested Steven Finn and Paul Collingwood playing what could prove to be his final test unless he can rediscover his mojo with the bat.

Khawaja will likely replace Ponting at number three - although it would be a real statement of intent for Clarke to take this pivotal role, whilst Beer will replace the injured Ryan Harris. Doug Bollinger will likely be 12th man, giving Ben Hilfenhaus another opportunity to get amongst the wickets. 

Look out for...

Michael Clarke has had just as a poor series with the bat as his erstwhile captain with just 148 runs at 21.14, and his previous silky technique seems to have deserted him. Indeed, his stats in his last 8 Tests are 322 runs at 21.46. So will the extra pressure of the captaincy provide renewal or further pain?  

Graeme Swann has had a solid rather than spectacular series. Poor in Brisbane and Perth, but impressive in Adelaide and Melbourne. The SCG pitch should suit him, so a match-winning performance here would be no real surprise.  

Previously at Sydney

They've been playing test cricket at the SCG since 1882 and England have a good record at the ground with 21 wins to Australia's 25 with 7 draws.

2007 - Australia won by 10 wickets- Warne, McGrath and Langer's grand finale as Australia walloped a shellshocked England to confirm the first Ashes whitewash since 1920/21.

2003 - England won by 225 runs- In a match perhaps best remembered for Steve Waugh's emotional hundred, England prevented a series whitewash with Mark Butcher's hundred in the first innings and Michael Vaughan's sparkling 183 - his third ton of the series - in the second, helping set Australia a stiff target of 452. Andy Caddick then took seven wickets - ten in the match - in his final test to let England bow out of a tough series on a high.

1999 - Australia won by 98 runs- England went into the final test of the series knowing that a win would enable them to square the series. But despite a hat-trick from Darren Gough on day 1, the luck deserted England when the third umpire controversially adjudged that Michael Slater had not been run out for 35 in Australia's second innings. Slater went on to make a brilliant 123 out of 184 and the target of 287 proved too much for Alec Stewart's side.

1995 - Match drawn - A potentially famous victory for England was ruined by the weather. Michael Atherton, John Crawley and Gough all hit half-centuries as England hit 309 batting first, before they shot out Australia for just 116 - they were 65/8 at one point. Atherton then declared with Graeme Hick two runs short of a hundred, but the weather, hundreds from Mark Taylor and Slater and stern resistance down the order enabled Australia to escape with the draw.

Prediction

In Australia's favour is their imposing recent record at the SCG - 14 wins in their last 16 matches including the remarkable turnaround against Pakistan last year. Indeed, England (in 2003 - see above) are the only opponents to win at the venue during this time.  However, as we've seen during the series, this Australian team is a shadow of its immediate predecessors and if England retain their focus, they should secure a comfortable win to take the series 3-1.

Where next?

Read all the latest from our Ashes 2010/11 coverage

The best and worst Test XIs of 2010

Watch Darren Gough's hat-trick at Sydney in 1999

The 25 Greatest Ashes Tests of them all: Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3

1st Test: England marks out of 10, 1st Test: Australia marks out of 10

2nd Test: England marks out of 10, Australia marks out of 10

3rd Test: England marks out of 10, Australia marks out of 10

4th Test: England marks out of 10, Australia marks out of 10

If you like this, follow us on Twitter @thereversesweep

4th Test: Melbourne - Preview: Can England reprise glory of 1986?

 
The last time England retained the Ashes down under was in the Boxing Day Test at Melbourne in 1986 when they crushed Australia by an innings and 14 runs to take an unassailable 2-0 lead in the series. With the debacle at Perth now behind them, Andrew Strauss' side has a second opportunity to retain the urn at the same Melbourne Cricket Ground over the coming days.

In the lead-up to the 4th test there has been much speculation about the late switch to a much greener looking pitch, which has given hope to Australians that Mitchell Johnson and Ryan Harris will find a similarly helpful, fast and bouncy wicket to the one that suited them so much at Perth. This is probably wishful thinking on behalf of the home side and the usual slow Melbourne pitch is a much more likely proposition.

This means that Australia will have to think hard about the make-up of their side. Do they risk going in again with four specialist quicks and the part-time spin of Steve Smith? Or do they hand Michael Beer a test debut in place of either Peter Siddle or Ben Hilfenhaus? Dropping the former would mean that Australia would lose its chief snarler in what appeared to be a new 'in your face' approach in Perth.

England also have decisions to make as to the make-up of the bowling attack, although Andy Flower confirmed earlier this week that they will stick to their four-man bowler approach in the absence of a world-class all-rounder. This is no surprise especially as Matt Prior isn't in the form to justify an elevation to number six.

Likely line-ups

England are likely to be unchanged although Tim Bresnan or Ajmal Shahzad may come in for Steve Finn if the latter is deemed to need a rest by the England management. other than that the only change could be Ian Bell being promoted to five ahead of Paul Collingwood.

For Australia, Ricky Ponting is almost certain to play despite a broken little finger and surely they won't repeat their error of The Oval 2009 by going in without a specialist spinner? If Beer does get the nod, expect Siddle to be the one carrying the drinks. Australia also has the option of bolstering the batting by playing Ponting's stand-by Usman Khawaja instead of Smith at number six.

Look out for…

We tipped Kevin Pietersen to end his long quest for a century in our preview of the Adelaide Test and despite crashing back down to earth in Perth, we fully expect him to reach three figures here again in Melbourne.

Ricky Ponting is too great a batsman not to stamp his influence on this series and despite his broken digit and poor run of scores, we would be very surprised if he doesn't make a significant score on the biggest of stages.

Finally, Graeme Swann had a quiet game in Perth after his seven wickets in Adelaide, but the surface at the MCG is likely to suit him better and we wouldn't be surprised to see him star in the 2nd innings. Australia may come to regret not picking their best spinner - the in-form Nathan Hauritz instead of the untried Beer.

Previously at Melbourne

Scene of the first ever Test match in 1877, there have been 53 encounters between England and Australia at the cavernous Melbourne Cricket Ground. Australia has the advantage with 27 wins to England’s 19 and perhaps a clue to the outcome of the 2010 edition is that there have only been 7 draws.

2006 – Australia won by an innings and 99 – England suffered a Boxing Day hangover as they were bundled out for just 159 with Warne taking his 700^th Test wicket. England struck back by reducing Australia to 84/5 before Hayden and Symonds both reached 150. England then capitulated for a second time for 161 for yet another woeful defeat on the most dispiriting of tours.

2002 – Australia won by five wickets – Justin Langer hit 250 as Australia amassed a powerful 551/6 and then England only managed 20 more runs than Langer made on his own. They did better after following on with Michael Vaughan scoring a sparkling 145 as England at least set Australia a target. They then restored further pride by taking five wickets as Australia stumbled over the winning line.

1998 – England won by 12 runs – A pulsating test match with a dramatic climax. Rain ruined day one but Alec Stewart scored a captain’s hundred as England made 270. Steve Waugh (122) then masterminded runs from the tail as Australia led by 70. And when England could only make 244 in their second innings and Australia reached 130/3 in pursuit of 162 all seemed lost. Step forward Dean Headley – who engineered a spectacular collapse and a famous England win.

1986 – England won by an innings and 14 – Mike Gatting’s side secured the retention of the urn with a crushing victory in the Boxing Day Test. Gladstone Small and Ian Botham took five apiece as Australia could only muster 141. Then Chris Broad’s third successive hundred provided the bedrock of England’s 208 1^st innings lead. Phil Edmonds and John Emburey then spun England to victory.

1982 – England won by 3 runs – The forerunner to Edgbaston 2005. An extremely tight match saw all four innings total between 284 and 294. When Australia were 218 for nine chasing 292 all looked lost for the home side. But Border and Thomson took them to within sight of the finishing line before that man Botham struck inducing an edge from Thomson that Tavare parried into the hands of a grateful Miller.

Prediction

If the weather holds true then the MCG is a result wicket and we fully expect England to win a tight encounter and therefore retain the Ashes with the final test in Sydney still to come.

Where next?

Dear Santa...

Read KP's Ashes Diary exclusively at the Reverse Sweep

Dean Headley's 15 minutes of fame

Read all the latest from our Ashes 2010/11 coverage

The 25 Greatest Ashes Tests of them all: Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3

If you like this, follow us on Twitter @thereversesweep

England's Dirty Dozen

 
After all the talk of securing the Ashes before Christmas and going through the tour unbeaten, England certainly came crashing back down to earth in Perth. Indeed, the collapse from 78/0 to 187 all out in the first innings was so disappointing that Icarus himself could have been the pilot of England’s doom. And it got worse in the second innings too with the capitulation for 123 reminding us that being an England cricket fan can be tough.

In fact, with alarming regularity, England’s batting has a tendency to brittleness and being prone to collapse like a house of cards in a force nine gale. On far too many occasions in our 30 years of following England expectation and anticipation can quickly turn into crushing disappointment, misery and despair.

Here is a dirty dozen of England’s worst batting performances over this time. Unfortunately, it is not an exhaustive list but merely one compiled of those disasters that come most easily to mind.

1. 51 all out, 2^nd innings, vs West Indies, 1^st Test, Kingston, 2009

In an inauspicious start for Andy Flower in his  first match in charge, England started their 2^ndinnings 74 runs behind. Just 33.2 overs later England were all out for 51. Coincidentally, this was almost a role reversal of what had happened at the same ground five years before when Steve Harmison, with 7 for 12 had bowled the West Indies out for 47.

2. 46 all out, 2^nd innings, vs West Indies, 3^rd Test, Port of Spain, 1994

Having played well throughout the match, England had been set 194 to win and were confident even though they needed to get the better of Curtly Ambrose and Courtney Walsh to reach their target. Nineteen overs of hostile fast bowling later, England were dismissed for a paltry 46, Ambrose with 6 for 24 and Walsh 3 for 16.

3. 79 all out, 2^nd innings, vs Australia, 1^st Test, Brisbane, 2003

After Nasser Hussain’s bizarre decision to give Australia first use of a flat Gabba track, England were always chasing this game especially with Matthew Hayden scoring a century in each innings. Set an unlikely 463 to win, England were demolished for 79. And Mark Butcher scored 40 of this dismal total!

4. 175 all out, 2^nd innings, vs Pakistan, 1^st Test, Multan, 2005

After dominating this match, with Marcus Trescothick scoring 193 in England’s 1^stinnings and Andrew Flintoff taking match figures of 8 for 156, England were set 198 to win on the last day of the 1^stTest. However, they fell 22 runs short to the express pace of Shoaib Akhtar and the wily spin of Danish Kaneira. The balloon of optimism from the 2005 Ashes success had been burst after only one match.

5. 129 all out, 2^nd innings, vs Australia, 2^nd Test, Adelaide, 2006

On the flattest of flat pitches England had scored 551 for 6 in their 1^stinnings, with Paul Collingwood scoring a double century. Although Australia had responded with 513 all out, surely England couldn’t lose from here?  Even the Australians, Shane Warne apart, expected the game to meander to a draw. However, after a shocking and timid display England were bowled out for 129 in 73 overs. Australia won by six wickets, and England, with Flintoff crying as he bowled, never recovered and lost the series 5-0.

6. 82 all out, 1^st innings & 93 all out, 2^ndinnings, vs New Zealand, 2^nd Test, Christchurch, 1983

Not one but two dismal batting performances in the same match. The nadir of a shambolic tour to the land of the long white cloud in 1983 was the 2^ndTest at Christchurch, where after New Zealand made 307 in their 1^st innings, England were shot for 82 and 93, following on, to lose by an innings. Richard Hadlee had match figures of 8 for 44.

7. 162 all out, 2^ndinnings, vs New Zealand, 4^th Test, The Oval, 1999

In this fourth and deciding Test of the series, England suffered the ignominy of defeat against a New Zealand side that had previously been ranked the worst team in Test cricket. Chasing 245 to win, England slumped from 123 for 2 to 162 all out to replace the Kiwis at the bottom of the rankings. Fortunately, Nasser Hussain recovered from this inauspicious start to his captaincy to help forge a more resilient England side in tandem with Duncan Fletcher.

8. 203 all out, 1^st innings, vs South Africa, 2^ndTest, Headingley, 2008

England were shot out for 203 by a South African side that had just had to save the 1^stTest at Lords. England, who had brought the hitherto unknown Darren Pattinson in for Collingwood, were blown away in 52.3 overs. South Africa responded with 522 and England eventually lost by ten wickets. This defeat and another one in the following Test at Edgbaston led to the resignation of Ashes hero Michael Vaughan as skipper.

9. 222 all out, 2^nd innings, vs Pakistan, 3^rd Test, The Oval, 2010

Having recovered from 94/7 in the first innings thanks to Matt Prior’s 84, England started their second innings 75 behind Pakistan. However, with Alastair Cook hitting a career saving hundred, England were 81 ahead with only two wickets down. Then Cook’s demise led to a sorry procession and the last seven wickets fell for 28 and despite a late flurry of wickets, Pakistan won by 4 wickets.

10. 155 all out, 1^st innings, vs Australia, 1^st Test, Lords, 2005

After bowling the Aussies out for 190, with Harmison taking 5 for 43, England collapsed to 21 for 5 thanks to their nemesis Glenn McGrath. Although the Aussies went on to win this battle by 239 runs, England won the war, the adulation, the Trafalgar Square celebrations and their MBEs.

11. 180 all out, 1^st innings and 169 all out, 2^{nd innings} vs South Africa, 4^th Test, Johannesburg, 2010

Having escaped by the skin of their teeth in the previous test at Cape Town, England went into the final test at The Wanderers needing just a draw to win the series. Unfortunately as at the WACA, the pitch had pace and bounce, and when Andrew Strauss was out to the first ball of the match, England’s defeat seemed inevitable. They weren’t helped by Daryl Harper’s ineptitude in the video umpire’s chair enabling Graeme Smith to be reprieved on the way to a hundred, but it was their inability to face the pace barrage from Dale Steyn and Morne Morkel - who snared 14 wickets between them - that hastened their doom.

12. 102 all out, 1^st innings, vs Australia, 4^thTest, Headingley, 2009

With all the talk before hand being about how a win would enable England to regain the Ashes (remind anyone of anything?), a confident Strauss elected to bat on a bowler friendly Headingley surface. But, fears that in the absence of Kevin Pietersen, the England batting was totally reliant on Strauss came to pass. With Stuart Broad batting too high at seven in the absence of Flintoff, and the selectors continuing to rely on an out of his depth Ravi Bopara, at number three, Australia roared back into the series. Happily for England, they bounced back to win the series and the Ashes in the next test at The Oval – can they repeat the trick in Melbourne?

Where next?

Read all the latest from our Ashes 2010/11 coverage

England's 10 best test wins of the noughties

Check out all our Reverse Sweep heroes and zeroes

If you like this, follow us on Twitter @thereversesweep

The Boundary View: Hussey & bowlers put England to the sword - Perth, Day Three

 
Hussey serves up more humble pie

Before the Ashes we suggested that Michael Hussey was shot as a test cricketer - we even wrote this: Zeroes - Mike Hussey. We now feel like turning the gun on ourselves as once again Mr Cricket proved that we couldn't have been more wrong if we had said on the night of the Election that Nick Clegg was a man of his word. Hussey is now the leading runscorer in the series and has hit six consecutive scores of 50 or above in an Ashes innings - a record. Now, where did we store that humble pie?

Test Cricket? It's a funny old game

Perhaps like no other sport, test cricket is a game of highs and lows. Mitchell Johnson's rise from the dead in this game is arguably the type of resurrection not seen for circa 2,000 years - especially given how low he sunk in Brisbane. Kevin Pietersen has gone in the opposite direction. After a test best 227 in Adelaide, he followed his first innings duck here with a dreadful shot to give Ben Hilfenhaus his first wicket since the first over of the series.

Not so elementary my dear Watson

We're not big fans of Shane Watson in the Reverse Sweep household (see Zeroes - Shane Watson), but to be fair he does provide plenty of hilarity. No one does the nervous nineties quite like him and it seemed inevitable that he would yet again fall short of the magical three figures. Sure enough, Chris Tremlett caught him in front for 95 and despite a desperate call for the review and a near flood of tears when the decision was upheld, Watson had to depart for his fourth ninety in test cricket. His conversion rate is worse than the ugliest of geeks with only two hundreds from 16 scores of 50 or more - only 12.5%.

Court Jester Smith rides his luck

Steve Smith is patently not a test number six, but he obviously picked the right fortune cookie last night if his innings today was anything to go by. He survived more appeals and reviews than Wikileaks head honcho Julian Assange, was nearly run out, hooked just short of fine-leg and even survived leaving his bat in the air while ducking a Tremlett bouncer and a top edge looped over the keeper and slips. When Smith said he was going to bring a bit of fun to the side, no-one realised that this would amount to playing the court jester in the middle too. The luckiest Australian since Liz Hurley invited Shane Warne in for a nightcap?

Time for the Review System to be reviewed?

For the most part, the dreaded UDRS has worked reasonably well in this series - whatever Aggers may say, but there is still room for significant improvement. A case in point was when Erasmus turned down a leg before decision against Smith when he had made 28. England sent for the review and it showed that the ball would have hit leg stump, but it was adjudged 'Umpire's Call' and the decision was upheld. If the technology is there why not use it to ensure that the right decision is given for every referral, especially when England lost one of its two reviews as a result?

Player of the day

Michael Hussey - certainly Australia's player of the series to date and now that he is the leading run scorer on both sides arguably the player of the series so far too. But Chris Tremlett deserves a mention too for his first test five for and eight wickets on his test comeback.

Zero of the day

Graeme Swann didn't have a good day. Ignored for the whole morning session by Strauss, he proved expensive when he finally came on and then dropped Peter Siddle before tea, thus allowing Australia to further extend their lead.  

What happens next?

It's over already thanks to Hussey and more poor batting from England - it will be 1-1 going into Melbourne.

Where next?

Perth: Day 1 - Tremlett's Sinatraesque Comeback

Perth: Day 2 - Johnson's rendition of I Am the Resurrection reduces England to rubble

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Perth Heroes & Zeroes: Adam Gilchrist,  Alex Tudor and Chris Broad

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The Boundary View: Tremlett's Sinatraesque Comeback - Perth, Day One

 
Brave call at toss pays off for Strauss

Andrew Strauss' brave call at the toss to insert Australia paid off in spades as England dominated again on the first day at the WACA. And it could have been worse too for Australia as had to recover from 69/5 before posting 268 all out. The recalled Chris Tremlett was the standout man in the attack, but all the bowlers chipped in with wickets even if James Anderson and Steve Finn were not at their best. Graeme Swann typically chipped in with a couple of wickets to emphasise once again his value to the side and provide further evidence why he should win the BBC Sports Personality of the Year award on Sunday.

Tremlett's Sinatraesque Comeback

 We've been saying for ages at the Reverse Sweep that Tremlett deserved another chance at Test cricket after regaining form, confidence and fitness in his first season with Surrey. The way he set up Phil Hughes with a succession of short balls before bowling him with a fuller one in his first over demonstrated that he has the skill and nous to flourish at the highest level. Shane Warne has said that Tremlett could be the best bowler in the World if he puts his mind to it and on this showing...  

To play, or not to play?

That is the question at Perth where the extra bounce means that batsmen have to adapt in deciding which balls to leave. Australia's Captain and Vice-Captain both got it wrong by playing needlessly at balls outside off-stump to depart early. That said, Paul Collingwood's spectacular diving one-handed catch at third slip to dismiss Ponting was simply stunning. Those that question his place in the side forget the package he offers - an average over 40 and runs invariably in tight situations, a useful occasional bowler, trusted lieutenant in the field and England's best fielder.

Ponting gets something right

Back in July when Steve Smith scored a counterattacking 80 against Pakistan at Headingley, Ponting was adamant that Smith was not a test number six. Ponting hasn't got much right in this series, but the evidence of today suggests he was spot on. How Smith - at best a test number seven or eight that can bowl a few overs of leg-spin - could come in ahead of Brad Haddin is beyond belief.

Deja vu as Hussey and Haddin star again

Once again in this series Australia were indebted to Michael Hussey and Brad Haddin. Indeed, the contribution of the two has been extraordinary. At Brisbane, where the pair added 307, Hussey and Haddin accounted for 69% of Australia's first-innings of 481. At Adelaide it was 61% and today it was 43%. It would have been higher, but for Mitchell Johnson - proving that once he gets in he is a dangerous performer with the bat - and Peter Siddle ensuring that the Australian tail wagged.

Player of the day

We suggested yesterday that Chris Tremlett could put in a man of the match performance if he was picked for his first Test in over three years. Well, he's certainly made a good start mixing up his length well to take 3/63 on a pitch that was always going to suit him.

Zero of the day

With Hughes and Ponting back in the hutch early, Michael Clarke needed to put in a strong performance as vice-captain. So dangling your bat half-heartedly at one well outside off-stump was not what the doctor ordered. Clarke just doesn't look like captain material to us.

What happens next?

If England have another good day tomorrow then the prospect of retaining the Ashes by Christmas will be tantalisingly close. Australia went for broke with a four-man pace attack, but will it be a gamble that fails dismally? The pitch looks much better for batting than a total of 268 suggests.

Where next?

Read all the latest from our Ashes 2010/11 coverage

Check out all our Reverse Sweep heroes and zeroes

Can England wrap up the urn by Christmas?

Exclusive: Read KP's 2010 Ashes Diary

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KP's Ashes Diary: 15th December - Lamborghinis, hundreds & Liz Hurley

 
It’s been a long time since we spoke peeps. Blame it on some trigger friendly traffic cops and the arrival of Jess and the little man. I’ve certainly not been able to stop scoring hundreds since my last diary entry…

Lamborghinis and the Fun Police

A number of you I spoke to in Brisbane mentioned the Fun Police at the Gabba. Well, I encountered Victoria’s version of them down on the Great Ocean Road last week. There I was minding my own business having just scored another hundred in a Lamborghini that Warney arranged for me when the Fun Police stopped me for speeding. Don’t they know who I am?

A dream double

Maybe they were still a bit sore about my double hundred in Adelaide – man, I felt in top form there – it was probably one of the best Test innings ever. I certainly showed Cooky that there is only one number one batsman in the side. I feel another double is just around the corner.

All-rounder

You may have seen me downplaying my bowling after I got that wuss Michael Clarke out at Adelaide. But between you and me peeps, I’m constantly in Straussy’s ear telling him that I am not only the best batman in the side but the best bowler too – sorry Swanny.

Hats off to Warney

Talking of spinners, my friend Warney really does get around. The IPL, Sky and Channel 9, KFC, Poker and now we find out he has been poking Elizabeth Hurley too. Where does he get the time?

Beer

Finally, I see that the Aussies have turned to Beer after their capitulation at Adelaide. I know how they feel. I drank a lot of pina coladas to drown my sorrows when I was having that bad trot with the bat last summer.

Right peeps, I’ve got another double hundred to compile…

Where next?

Read all the excerpts from KP's 2010 Ashes Diary

See Shane Warne's Ashes nightmare

Michael Beer's shock selection for the WACA explained

Read all the latest from our Ashes 2010/11 coverage

Check out all our Reverse Sweep heroes and zeroes

If you like this, follow us on Twitter @thereversesweep