The Reverse Sweep

Once upon a time in the court of King Ricky...

 
Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, Prince Ricky ascended to the throne upon the death of King Stephen. The King is dead, long live the King.

It was akin to Camelot, King Ricky had at his disposal a quorom of fearsome Knights, the like of whom had not been seen since the time of the Round Table. Chief amongst them was Sir Shane – a Knight that was able to conjure up victory from the jaws of defeat such as in the famous skirmish with the English at the Battle of Adelaide in 2006.

Many foes tried to storm the citadel, but all were easily beaten. King Ricky’s Green and Gold expedition force was also all-conquering overseas apart from a surprise defeat to the English in 2005 where Sir Glenn was felled by an arrow in the ankle, Sir Adam was rendered ineffective and the English found a new hero in Freddie of Preston.

But after being newly installed as Prince Regent of England due to the madness of King Vaughan, Freddie’s attempt to storm King Ricky’s castle a year later was met with ignominious defeat and ultimately the pedalo scandal.

King Ricky was now at the peak of his powers as the most dominant ruler in the world – no arrow could pierce his armour and no sword could breach his shield.

Then at the point of his greatest triumph, Sir Shane succumbed to his gambling habit, absconded from the castle and was last seen consorting with a failed actress. Sir Justin and Sir Glenn departed at the same time and shortly afterwards, Sir Matthew left to become a full-time cook and Sir Adam hung up his helmet to become a well-paid mercenary.

With his best Knights deserting him at the same time, a bereft King Ricky was suddenly vulnerable. Overseas raiding parties now met with regular defeat on the battlefield and the nototiously brittle Proteas army even managed to breach the walls of King Ricky’s castle, before his forces launched a successful counterattack.

But with the newly powerful English landing on his shore in the autumn of 2010 under the astute leadership of Lord Strauss of Radley and his Chief Adviser – a mysterious wizard only known as Flower, King Ricky knew the game was up. His new Knights were not up to the task. Sir Doug wears a toupee for Christ's sake, Sir Twatto has no staying power and is prone to tears, Sir Mitch is just as likely to slice himself open with his own sword then kill any of the enemy, and as for his heir Prince Michael the less said the better.

King Ricky took a gamble. Sir Nathan had proved a steady if uninspiring successor to Sir Shane. But King Ricky didn’t need steady, he needed the X-Factor. So, he knighted his unimpressive steward as Sir Xavier, and Sir Nathan was sent to the haberdashery to sell his old armour.

But, Sir Xavier had no pedigree and failed to impress in the battles at Brisbane and Adelaide. In the aftermath of the latter tussle, his fool Hilditch suggested that King Ricky have a Beer instead and lo and behold that is exactly what happened.

Things got better temporarily at the Battle of Perth, where Sir Mitch and Sir Cricket excelled but the English decimated his army at the Battle of Melbourne and King Ricky himself was wounded as his castle was ransacked by the rampant English sprinkled with some Proteas insurgents.

Too little, too late it was decided to exile the disgraced Sir Xavier and Sir Nathan was handed a new suit of armour for the forthcoming battle for the Holy Grail. King Ricky and his predecessor have successfully held onto the precious Grail for 12 years, but either King Strauss, King Muppet or King Mahendra all look set to wrest it from his grip over the coming weeks.

All seems lost for King Ricky. He has even taken to humming a tune from the famous English songsmith Sir Christopher of Martin:

“I used to rule the world / Seas would rise when I gave the word / Now in the morning I sleep alone / Sweep the streets I used to own ...”    

The inevitability of final defeat awaits and King Ricky knows that his folly of placing his kingdom in the hands of the untried Sir Xavier has proved to be a mistake of the most deadly proportions.

Prince Michael, it would seem, is already practicing his apologies and planning a new tattoo for his coronation - not that he is going to be King of much.

Where next?

Is this Ponting's cataclysmic epitaph?

Michael Clarke joins Linkin Park

Ashes 2010/11: Australia series marks out of 10

Ashes 2010/11: England series marks out of 10

Shane Watson: Finally the bride 

Check out all our Reverse Sweep heroes and zeroes including amongst others Nathan Hauritz, Justin Langer, Matt Hayden, Brett Lee, Sachin Tendulkar, Andy Flower, Andrew Hilditch and Hedley Verity

Follow us on Twitter @thereversesweep

Ashes 2010/11: Australia series marks out of 10

 
Australia's selectors confusingly named a 17 man squad prior to the Brisbane Test, so it is perhaps fitting that 17 men - not the same 17 mind - were eventually used throughout the series. Here are how they rated:

Shane Watson - 6 (5 Tests, 435 runs at 48.33, HS 95; 3 wickets at 74.33, BB 1/30): 435 runs and four fifties wouldn't normally be a bad series return especially in a well-beaten side, but Watson's failure to go on to record even one big score after getting to 36 eight times demonstrated that he is still a lower-middle order batsman desperately trying to be an opener. Doesn't rotate the strike enough, although maybe his abysmal running between the wickets has something to do with that after being involved in three catastrophic run-outs in the series. A reluctant bowler.

Simon Katich - 4 (2 Tests, 97 runs at 24.25, HS 50): Probably has the same low opinion of Shane Watson as us after being run out without facing a ball in the batting paradise of Adelaide. Started the series with a typically gritty 50 and ended it prematurely in Adelaide on one leg bravely refusing a runner. Australia missed his battling qualities thereafter, but with a team to reconstruct it is unlikely that the 35 year old will wear the Baggy Green again.

Phillip Hughes - 3 (3 Tests, 97 runs at 16.16, HS 31): Looked all at sea when he came in at Perth especially against Tremlett, but improved steadily match by match. However, a top score of 31 in three Tests is not good enough for an opening batsman and he would appear to have so many technical deficiencies that one wonders whether he will ever make a successful test batsman. Another sold down the river by Watson's keystone cops running, but he served his revenge cold in the second innings at Sydney.

Ricky Ponting - 2 (4 Tests, 113 runs at 16.14, HS 51*): Could it have been any worse for Ponting? Became the first Australian skipper to preside over three Ashes reverses since Billy Murdoch - when Queen Victoria was on the throne. Then there was his batting, where he made less runs in the series than Siddle and Johnson. Finally, his epitaph as captain - and maybe even as a test player - was the unseemly incident with the umpires at Melbourne. A broken finger is the least of his problems. 

Usman Khawaja - 6 (1 Test, 58 runs at 29.00, HS 37): Came in for his debut Test at Sydney with an increasingly desperate Australian press hyping him so much we were expecting the new Brian Lara. Khawaja did reasonably well though, dismissively pulling his second delivery in test cricket for four and generally looking composed and relaxed at the crease. Expect to see much more of him in the Baggy Green.

Michael Clarke - 4 (5 Tests, 193 runs at 21.44, HS 80): With Ponting's form deserting him, it was up to the vice-captain to step up to the plate. Clarke failed dismally and was guilty of a number of careless dismissals - especially getting out to Pietersen in Adelaide after his one decent knock of the series. Became Australia's 43rd Test captain at Sydney and quickly found that Lara Bingle was easy to manage in comparison. Is Clarke the tough character required to lead the rebuilding project? We're not so sure.

Michael Hussey - 9 (5 Tests, 570 runs at 63.33, HS 195): Came into the series with the axe hovering over his head, but emerged as Australia's best performer. Batted like Superman at Brisbane and Perth and fully deserved his two centuries. And for three Tests he stood almost alone of Australia's top six in facing down the England attack. Faded at Melbourne and Sydney after the effects of the kryptonite wore off, but that should not detract too much from a fine series for Mr Cricket.

Marcus North - 2 (2 Tests, 49 runs at 16.33; 1 wicket at 110.00): Started the series with his head in the noose and was hung out to dry after the heavy defeat in Adelaide. Australia's best spinner in Brisbane and Adelaide - not that there was much competition, but looked all at sea with the bat especially against Swann. Another unlikely to don the Baggy Green again.

Steve Smith - 4 (3 Tests, 159 runs at 31.80, HS 54*; no wickets): Ridiculously picked as a number six by the increasingly erratic Australian selectors at Perth, Smith was clearly out of his depth. His leg-spin showed some promise, but he picked up no wickets and went at four and a half runs an over. He is not yet ready for test cricket with either bat or ball, although he certainly has some pluck as evidenced by his fifty on the final day of the series.

Brad Haddin - 7 (360 runs at 45.00, HS 136): Started off the series like a train with a brilliant century at The Gabba, which as part of his 300 partnership with Hussey seemed to have put Australia in control. Increasingly became derailed as the series wore on with careless dismissals and some none-too-pretty work with the gloves. How long will Haddin be able to fend off the challenge of young pretender Tim Paine?

Mitchell Johnson - 4 (15 wickets at 36.93, BB 6/38; 122 runs at 17.42, HS 62): The ultimate hit or miss cricketer. Atrocious in Brisbane, dropped for Adelaide, the matchwinner in Perth, poor in Melbourne and indifferent in Sydney. Bowled plenty of tripe and went at over four an over during the series, but when he gets it right - as he did in Perth - Johnson is unplayable and therein lies the paradox. Also blew hot and cold with the bat with two fifties and three ducks.

Ryan Harris - 6 (3 Tests, 11 wickets at 25.54, BB 6/47; 14 runs at 3.50, HS 10*): Came in at Adelaide and bagged a king pair, but was Australia's best (make that only) bowler without getting much reward. Cashed in at Perth with nine wickets, before going wicketless at Melbourne and picking up a stress fracture. Has the pace, ability and heart to make a return to the test side, but perhaps not the body.

Peter Siddle - 6.5 (5 Tests, 14 wickets at 34.57, BB 6/54; 154 runs at 19.25, HS 43): Started off the series with a bang at Brisbane with a hat-trick and six wickets, and then took another six for in his home test at the MCG. But only two other wickets in the other five innings he bowled in smacks of inconsistency and it is interesting that he was successful when bowling a slightly fuller length. Probably didn't expect to score more runs and have a better average than Ponting, but looks to have some promise with the bat. One for the Australian selectors to persevere with. 

Ben Hilfenhaus - 2 (4 Tests, 7 wickets at 59.28, BB 3/121; 55 runs at 11.00, HS 34): Was our tip as leading wicket-taker before the series but proceeded to bowl like a bowling machine stuck in one delivery. He had only played one test in Australia prior to the series and it transpired that he was a shadow of the bowler who did so well in the 2009 Ashes. Needs to watch religiously a DVD of how James Anderson bowled.

Doug Bollinger - 1 (1 Test, BB 1/130, 7 runs): Was full of talk before the series about how he was going to let Pietersen's ego get him out, but as plans go it was up there with playing russian roulette with a fully loaded gun given KP's double hundred. Went at 4.5 runs per over, showed poor fitness levels, and made Watson's body language look positive. Unsurprisingly, the selectors decided the champagne was flat after just the one test. 

Xavier Doherty - 1 (2 Tests, 3 wickets at 102, BB 2/41; 27 runs at 9.00): Plucked from nowhere by Australia's erratic selectors to replace Nathan Hauritz and started well with 2/41 in the 1st innings at Brisbane. The wheels fell off after that though with Doherty looking every inch what he was - a bowler with a first-class average of over 50. Went at over five an over in Adelaide, but did do what he was brought into the side for by getting Pietersen out - for 227!

Michael Beer - 2 (1 Test, 1 wicket at 112; 4 runs at 4.00): Was surprisingly picked in the squad for Perth after only a handful of first-class matches and was finally handed a debut at Sydney. Looked a better bet than Doherty, but the moment that he over-stepped and handed Cook a reprieve proved to be the final nail in the coffin for Australia. Did enough though to suggest that he may get another chance.

Where next?

1st Test: England marks out of 10, Australia marks out of 10

2nd Test: England marks out of 10, Australia marks out of 10

3rd Test: England marks out of 10, Australia marks out of 10

4th Test: England marks out of 10, Australia marks out of 10

5th Test: England marks out of 10, Australia marks out of 10

The Curious Case of Nathan Hauritz

Check out all our Reverse Sweep heroes and zeroes

Read KP's Ashes Diary exclusively at the Reverse Sweep

Read all the latest from our Ashes 2010/11 coverage

If you like this, follow us on Twitter @thereversesweep

5th Test - Sydney: Australia marks out of 10

 

If any more proof was needed, the defeat in Sydney showed that this is the worst Australian side since the dark days of the mid-1980's. Impotent with the ball and, in most cases, clueless with the bat, Australia were beaten by an innings again - the first time ever they have had three such defeats in one series.

A massive rebuilding programme awaits, but how did the well-beaten XI rate here (see England marks out of 10 here): 

Shane Watson - 5: Two more starts and two more failures to go on call into question again the long-term viability of Watson opening. His shout of "oh no" when he was dismissed in the first innings summed things up perfectly - what he said about being run out in the second is probably unprintable. We're looking forward to the "Shane Watson's Comedy Moments" DVD - crazy run-outs, serial failures to reach three figures and plenty of sulking and preening.

Phil Hughes - 4: Actually resembled a reasonable test match opener in the first innings before ruining all his hard work by having an injudicious swish outside off-stump with lunch just three balls away. Gave Watson an eye for an eye for Melbourne by running him out in the second innings. The less said about his antics when claiming a catch off Cook on 99 the better.  

Usman Khawaja - 6: A composed debut with the dismissive pull to the boundary off only his second ball in test cricket being positively Goweresque. Not the finished article yet, but likely to emerge as a vital cog in a rebuilt Australian side.

Michael Clarke - 3: Not a great first match as Australia's 43rd Test captain with two more careless dismissals and his side conceding more runs in an innings to England down under than any previous Australian side in history - and Pup thought that Lara Bingle was hard to manage. At least showed he was prepared to be bold by opting to bat under grey skies and in handing the new ball to Johnson, but as job interviews go this wasn't a compelling performance from Pup to get the job as top dog on a permanent basis.

Michael Hussey - 4: To say that Mr Cricket will have been disappointed to get out to Collingwood to the delivery before the new ball was taken is a massive understatement. Made a late bid to be classified as an all-rounder by rolling his arm over, but the kryptonite he took before the Brisbane Test has well and truly worn off now.

Brad Haddin - 4: Moved up to six and immediately got out chasing a wide one in the 1st innings before Tremlett got him with a brute of a delivery in the second. A very good batsman, but with Australia rebuilding, how long will it be before Tim Paine comes in?

Steve Smith - 5: Plucky 50 in the second innings doesn't hide the fact that Smith is not yet ready for Test cricket. Not good enough to play as a specialist batsman or bowler and not good enough either yet as an all-rounder. Clarke would seem to agree too given that he didn't hand him the ball until the England innings was over 100 overs old.

Mitchell Johnson - 4: A typical hit and miss performance from Johnson. His 1st innings 50 kept Australia in the game, but he was then wayward with the new ball and despite taking four wickets went at nearly five runs an over. His downhill performance continued with a first-ball duck in the second innings. Makes Steve Harmison look accurate and consistent.

Peter Siddle - 4: After his strong performance at the MCG, Siddle had to be content with just the solitary wicket of nightwatchman Anderson here. Further demonstrated his promise with the bat with a fighting career best 43 on the final day. A man that Australia can rebuild a team around.

Ben Hilfenhaus - 4: Rode his luck with the bat in the partnership with Johnson that gave Australia a foothold in the game. Poor with the new ball, he at least managed to pick up three wickets - his best return of the series, but he could do worse than sitting down to watch a DVD of Anderson to see how a swing bowler can be effective - and more importantly less predictable - on Australian wickets.

Michael Beer - 3: Bowled tidily enough but will rue for the rest of his days the no-ball that let Cook off the hook when he had made only 46. Looked a better bet than Doherty, but how Nathan Hauritz didn't play even one Test in this series is a mystery.

Where next?

1st Test: England marks out of 10, Australia marks out of 10

2nd Test: England marks out of 10, Australia marks out of 10

3rd Test: England marks out of 10, Australia marks out of 10

4th Test: England marks out of 10, Australia marks out of 10

Check out all our Reverse Sweep heroes and zeroes

Read KP's Ashes Diary exclusively at the Reverse Sweep

Read all the latest from our Ashes 2010/11 coverage

If you like this, follow us on Twitter @thereversesweep

The Boundary View: England crush Australia to end 24 years of hurt - Sydney, Day Five

 
24 years of hurt, never stopped us dreaming 

Like many we wrote before the series that this Australian team was there for the taking, but despite this our natural English pessimism led us to predict that the series would end 2-2. How wrong we were. All 13 players used by England during the series performed well - even Paul Collingwood who led the way in the field, whilst only four Australian players turned up - five if you include Mitchell Johnson at Perth. England prepared thoroughly, were well led and performed brilliantly, and after 24 years of woe down under, it feels good to give the Australians a dose of their own medicine. Long may it continue.

High noon

Just before noon it was Chris Tremlett who fired the final bullet by bowling Michael Beer and so consigning Australia to a third crushing innings defeat of the series - the first time that they have suffered this ignominy even against the mighty West Indian sides of the 1980s. Tremlett has been a revelation since coming back into the side at Perth, but this is the moment that will be retold again and again to the grandchildren.

Jimmy floors 'em like Tyson

Alastair Cook deserves all the plaudits coming his way as Man of the Series, but James Anderson deserves equal mention. The wicket of Ben Hilfenhaus gave Anderson an impressive 24 wickets at 26 for the series - the most wickets by an England seamer in a five-Test series in Australia since Frank Tyson took 28 in the 1954/55 series. The 'Typhoon' has gone down in Ashes folklore for his contribution on that tour and that is exactly what Anderson deserves for proving all the doubters before the series incontestably wrong - including us (see Dear Jimmy...).

A bright future

Collingwood may be retiring but the rest of the squad should be around for some time yet. England's current ICC ranking of 3 is about right as there is still some way to go before this side can be mentioned in the same breath as India and South Africa. But with the Proteas being perennial bridesmaids and with the likes of Tendulkar, Dravid and Laxman probably nearing retirement,England's goal of becoming the number one side in the world seems more than realistic. A downer like the one suffered by the Ashes winning side of 2005 doesn't seem likely for this team with Messrs Strauss and Flower at the helm. 

Player of the day

Paul Collingwood led England out on his final day as a Test cricketer and as such he is our sentimental player of the day - farewell to England's working class hero.

Zero of the day

This one has to go to the Australian selectors. Their confused selection of a 17 man squad before the series set the tone and plenty of strange selections followed - Australia's best spinner Nathan Hauritz didn't play a single Test with the selectors preferring a man with a first-class average of over 50 (Xavier Doherty) and then Michael Beer - a bowler with only a handful of first-class matches under his belt. Phil Hughes was picked with a first-class season average of 15 and Steve Smith was picked for... well despite his plucky 50 today we are still trying to work that one out.

Where next?

Day 4 @ Sydney: England on the brink of joining Ashes immortals

Day 3 @ Sydney: Cook & Bell in the pink as England take command

Day 2 @ Sydney: England progress after Johnson's sting in the tail

Day 1 @ Sydney: Rain interrupts war of attrition

Read all the excerpts from KP's 2010 Ashes Diary

Read all the latest from our Ashes 2010/11 coverage

Check out all our Reverse Sweep heroes and zeroes 

Follow us on Twitter @thereversesweep

The Boundary View: Cook & Bell in the pink as England take command - Sydney, Day Three

 
'Daddy' Cook in the pink again

On a day when the SCG went pink in memory of Jane McGrath, Alastair Cook again looked in prime form as his plunder from the series rose to three hundreds and 766 runs. In the process, Cook became the 2nd highest run accumulator ever in a test series for England going past Denis Compton (753 vs South Africa in 1947) and his mentor Graham Gooch (752 against India in 1990 - in just three tests). Gooch is fond of the phrase 'Daddy' hundred to describe the importance of aiming big when a batsman passes 100. Cook has certainly done that in the series with scores of 235* at Brisbane, 148 at Adelaide and 189 here. And with Cook also passing John Edrich's record of batting 2,006 minutes in an Ashes series, he can ask Gooch 'who's the Daddy now?' 

From Sherminator to Terminator

After 18 Tests and 12 scores of 50 plus, Ian Bell finally got to three figures against Australia. In the process, he enjoyed the luck he perhaps hasn't previously in the Ashes. First, a decision to give him out caught behind off an inside edge when he had 67 was contentiously over-ruled on review when hot-spot failed to spot a mark on the bat. Then on 84, he was dropped by Steve Smith off a sharp caught and bowled chance. But as throughout the series, Bell's innings was one of the highest class and came when England needed it - countering all the old arguments that Bell only scores runs when the pressure is off.  When he came in, England were still 49 runs behind, but when he was out just before the close, he walked off with his side in complete command. As Shane Warne joked on-air, Bell has gone from sherminator to terminator.

Pup whimpers for Glenn on Jane McGrath Day

It was wonderful to see the support from players, supporters and broadcasters alike for Jane McGrath - although we're not sure about Nasser Hussain's shocking pink suit, but Michael Clarke may suggest simply re-naming day 3 at the SCG 'McGrath Day'. With Glenn McGrath so omnipresent on this day in particular, Pup will have been forgiven if he spent most of the day whimpering for the former all-time great to be in his attack. The fact that Shane Watson looked Australia's most dangerous seamer said everything and Clarke even had to turn to Mike Hussey for an over before tea. With Australia's next Test assignment being in Sri Lanka things are unlikely to get any better for Clarke's impotent attack.

What is the point of Steve Smith?

We're not quite sure what Steve Smith is supposed to be, and neither so it would seem is Clarke. With Smith demoted to seven in the order for this Test, it would seem that the selectors have him down as an all-rounder. But he failed with the bat again and then Clarke didn't turn to him with the ball until the England innings was over 100 overs old. When he failed to hold on to the admittedly difficult caught and bowled chance from Bell, it dawned on us that Smith could well be the first f***-all-rounder in Test history. As D-Ream once sang, 'Things Can Only Get Better' for the youngster.

Third time lucky for Beer could spell doom for Colly

Twice Michael Beer thought he had his first test wicket and both times he was foiled by the video umpire correctly reprieving Cook on 46 and 99. So it was hardly surprising that he gave a quick look at the umpire before celebrating the wicket of Paul Collingwood. A case of third time lucky for Beer, but not for Collingwood who probably hasn't had a worse taste in his mouth since he last sampled some of the local Australian brew. We're big fans of Colly here at the Reverse Sweep, but even we're not confident that we'll see him drinking again at the Test Tavern now. 

Player of the day

Alastair Cook has broken more records on this trip than a pious Radio 1 DJ who had been given a stack of gangsta rap vinyl, and he shares the plaudits with Ian Bell who finally removed that Ashes monkey from his back. Their partnership of 154 transformed a game that had been in the balance to one where England are now utterly dominant.  

Zero of the day

Although there were plenty of candidates amongst the Australian bowlers, it has to be Phillip Hughes. You could tell from his initial reaction that he knew that he hadn't caught Cook when he was on 99, but instead of asking the umpires to check the video he got carried away with the appeals of his team-mates. Did he really think that the footage would miss the obvious bounce before the ball went into his hands?

What happens next?

With the lead already 208, Australia's hopes of squaring the series are gone. England will likely try and bat until lunch before even considering a declaration with Matt Prior hoping to top the 85 he made in Melbourne. With the pitch likely to deteriorate, Australia will do well to combat Graeme Swann and avoid what seems a likely defeat. 

Where next?

Day 2 @ Sydney: England progress after Johnson's sting in the tail

Day 1 @ Sydney: Rain interrupts war of attrition

Read all the excerpts from KP's 2010 Ashes Diary

Read all the latest from our Ashes 2010/11 coverage

Check out all our Reverse Sweep heroes and zeroes 

The best and worst Test XIs of 2010

If you like this, follow us on Twitter @thereversesweep

The Boundary View: England progress after sting in the tail from Johnson - Sydney, Day Two

 
A sting in the tail

When James Anderson took his fourth wicket of the morning to reduce Australia to 189/8 with only five overs of the second new ball gone, England looked well set for another big victory here at the SCG. But a second fifty of the series from Mitchell Johnson and excellent support from Ben Hilfenhaus in a 9th wicket partnership of 76 may have given Australia a way back into the Test. Andrew Strauss hasn't got much wrong in the series, but he set the field back for Johnson too quickly and his continual field changes after every boundary had an element of a follow-the-ball policy. At least for the neutrals, the game is well poised after the one-sided contests in Adelaide and Melbourne.

Colly's last hurrah?

Many expect this to be Paul Collingwood's last test match, but he once again showed that he offers England far more than runs by bowling Mike Hussey with the last delivery before the new ball. In a four-man attack, it is absolutely vital that someone else can bowl a handful of tight overs so give the frontline bowlers some rest. And Collingwood has performed this role well in the series, bowling 31 overs for just 73 runs and is England's best fielder. But can he now do what is required in his main role with the bat to extend his test career beyond Sydney?

Tonight Matthew, I'm going to be Virender Sehwag

Andrew Strauss would normally be bracketed in the accumulator rather than master blaster brand of openers, but he was closer to Sehwag than Boycott today in recording his fastest test fifty off just 49 balls. Strauss was helped on his way by the filth served up by Australia's three frontline seamers especially Hilfenhaus, whom Strauss pulled for six over deep square leg.  Hilfenhaus got the last laugh though when the England captain missed a straight one, but he will hope his 60 from 58 balls has set the tone for England to build a big 1st innings lead.  

Beer loses his fizz

Australia have spent most of the series fighting a losing battle to get Alastair Cook's wicket, so when debutant Michael Beer induced Cook to sky a slog sweep to mid-on with only his 14th ball in test cricket, his arrival in the side suddenly looked akin to a selectorial masterstroke. Beer's celebration went flat immediately though with umpire Billy Bowden calling for the review, which confirmed a no-ball. It may only be Beer's eighth first-class match, but there is no excuse for a spinner overstepping in any form of cricket. Cook, who has now passed 600 runs in the series and is the second youngest man after Tendulkar to reach 5,000 test runs, will be looking to make Beer and Australia pay.

Tonight Matthew, I'm going to be David Hasselhoff

When Shane Warne suggested that Graeme Swann was going to be strutting around like David Hasselhoff prior to the series, he probably didn't expect to be bowling him throwdowns at the SCG. But, sure enough there was the former Baywatch star chewing the fat with Glenn McGrath and trying to hit Warne out of the ground. Perhaps it gave Kevin Pietersen his cue, as that can be the only excuse for getting out hooking Johnson with less than four overs of the day to go. Johnson isn't renowned for his brains, but he has managed to ouwit Collingwood and Ian Bell at Melbourne, and now Pietersen here with ill-judged hook shots.

Player of the day

James Anderson came into this series with many doubting whether he could shine in Australian conditions and with the kookaburra ball. He proved these people wrong straight away in Brisbane without getting the wickets he deserved. But ever since the wickets have come and his four wickets this morning took his tally for the series to 21 - seven more than anyone else. He just shades the honours today from Johnson, whose fifty and two wickets have given Australia a foothold in the match.

Zero of the day

Jonathan Trott batted for 499 minutes and 345 balls for his unbeaten 168 at Melbourne, but he came crashing down to earth with a six ball duck today. As a result his stellar test average dropped by  two and a half runs to 61.53 and his average against Australia by over 14 runs to 86.42. Still, it's not as if Trott wasn't due a failure.

What happens next?

A couple of quick wickets for Australia first-up will put them right back into the match and with Collingwood due in next, they will fancy their chances. England will hope that Cook can reach a third hundred of the series as part of getting a 150 run lead. It is all set-up for another fascinating day's cricket.

Where next?

Day 1 @ Sydney: Rain interrupts war of attrition

Read all the excerpts from KP's 2010 Ashes Diary

Read all the latest from our Ashes 2010/11 coverage

Check out all our Reverse Sweep heroes and zeroes 

The best and worst Test XIs of 2010

If you like this, follow us on Twitter @thereversesweep

The curious case of Nathan Hauritz's banishment from Australia's Ashes side

 
We've never been Nathan Hauritz's biggest fans at the Reverse Sweep (see the link at the end of this post for evidence), but even we would admit that he had done a reasonable job as Australia's spinner and indeed was (and still is) incontestably the best twirler to wear the Baggy Green post-Warne.

Sure, he struggled in India just prior to the Ashes but a) he was just coming back from injury, b) Ricky Ponting's lack of faith in his spinner was ably demonstrated by the atrocious fields he set, and; c) it's not as if he was the first spinner to struggle in India - just ask Warne and Murali.

Butother than India, Hauritz had done a steady if unspectacular job and actually took 29 wickets in six home tests against Pakistan and West Indies last year at a decent 26.82. Those two sides may not exactly be the strongest in the world, but we can't imagine that Xavier Doherty or Michael Beer would have done as well.

Hauritz also did quite well in the 2009 Ashes, taking 10 wickets in 3 Tests at 32.10. Indeed, the decision to leave him out of the XI in the decider at The Oval probably ensured that Australia's grip on the Ashes was relinquished.

Despite his culling from the national side, Hauritz has also picked up 19 wickets in six first-class matches this season at 26.78 (as well as hitting his first two first-class hundreds). Hardly spectacular, but as we hinted before pretty reasonable. Again, it is significantly better than Beer's 16 wickets at 43, Doherty's almost identical 15 at 43 -or even Steve Smith's 12 at 42.

So, Hauritz really would seem to be the best spinner Australia has and their failure to call on him during the series appears to be inexplicable. We're not saying that Hauritz would have made the difference between Australia winning and losing the Ashes, but we bet he would have done better than those that replaced him.

Where next?

5th Test preview: England aim to give Clarke a baptism of fire

Michael Beer's selection explained

Zeroes: Nathan Hauritz

Zeroes: Andrew Hilditch

Read all the latest from our Ashes 2010/11 coverage

The best and worst Test XIs of 2010

If you like this, follow us on Twitter @thereversesweep

KP's Ashes Diary: 2nd January - It was KP that won it...

 
Wow, I am an Ashes winner again and as I explained the other day, my team-mates and England supporters all have me to thank for it.

Back in 2008 when I was captain, I devised a grand plan to get rid of that imbecile Peter Moores even though it meant sacrificing my position as skipper. Well, everyone loves a martyr don't they?

Part 2 of the plan was to develop a supposed weakness against left-arm spin, thus tricking the evil Australians into dropping their star spinner Nathan Hauritz. I had to do something after Hauritz's brilliant bowling got me out at Cardiff in 2009. 

I didn't realise how well this would work as first Xavier Doherty and then Michael Beer have been called up by the foolish Australian selectors - it would be like us picking me as a specialist spinner instead of Swanny or maybe even making me captain again - ha ha!

I can now reveal that I should also be given the credit for the rebirth of Chris Tremlett as a world-class bowler after I did all that work with him on my frequent trips to the Rose Bowl, before we both ended up at Surrey. I was also the one that persuaded the selectors to pick Jonathan Trott at the Oval in 2009 and my refusal to bat at three led to Trotty becoming the best batsman since Bradman. You see, I am a batting, coaching and selectorial genius!

I wasalso responsible for the safe evacuation of the Chilean miners, the creation of the coalition government in the United Kingdom and the end of Apartheid in South Africa - even though I was only a small boy at the time, I was Mandela's Chief Advisor.

Next on the agenda is world peace, democracy in North Korea and the renaissance of my good friend Lalit Modi. Now, where did I put those pills...

Where next?

Read all the excerpts from KP's 2010 Ashes Diary

Read all the latest from our Ashes 2010/11 coverage

Check out all our Reverse Sweep heroes and zeroes

If you like this, follow us on Twitter @thereversesweep

5th Test: Sydney - Preview: England look to give Clarke baptism of fire

 
Mission Australia is almost accomplished. The Ashes have been retained, but the series is not yet won and England will be intent on securing the victory that will earn the 3-1 scoreline that their dominance throughout the series both deserves and demands.

England's stated intention is to become the number one side in the world. There is still someway to go until they are even close to achieving that - winning in India for example - but a series win in Australia would be a good start. Extra incentive could be provided by last year's series in South Africa when England went into the final match of the series in Johannesburg 1-0 up. They were then blown away by Dale Steyn and Morne Morkel and returned home with a creditable share of the spoils rather than a glorious scalp. 

The pitch at the Sydney Cricket Ground traditionally favours spin and swing, so Graeme Swann will look to reprise the leading role he played in the second innings of the crushing win in Adelaide. Swing King James Anderson too will be licking his lips - as will Mitchell Johnson if the radar has returned - at the prospect of embellishing his position as the leading wicket-taker in the series.

For Australia, the match has the appearance of a new chapter with Michael Clarke taking over from the injured Ricky Ponting to become Australia's 43rd Test captain - a position that has the same profile and pressure down under as the manager of the nation's football team does in England. There will be debuts too for Usman Khawaja - the first muslim to play for Australia - and Michael Beer, who will play his 8th first-class match and his first at the SCG.

Likely line-ups

England are likely to be unchanged with Tim Bresnan retaining his place ahead of the rested Steven Finn and Paul Collingwood playing what could prove to be his final test unless he can rediscover his mojo with the bat.

Khawaja will likely replace Ponting at number three - although it would be a real statement of intent for Clarke to take this pivotal role, whilst Beer will replace the injured Ryan Harris. Doug Bollinger will likely be 12th man, giving Ben Hilfenhaus another opportunity to get amongst the wickets. 

Look out for...

Michael Clarke has had just as a poor series with the bat as his erstwhile captain with just 148 runs at 21.14, and his previous silky technique seems to have deserted him. Indeed, his stats in his last 8 Tests are 322 runs at 21.46. So will the extra pressure of the captaincy provide renewal or further pain?  

Graeme Swann has had a solid rather than spectacular series. Poor in Brisbane and Perth, but impressive in Adelaide and Melbourne. The SCG pitch should suit him, so a match-winning performance here would be no real surprise.  

Previously at Sydney

They've been playing test cricket at the SCG since 1882 and England have a good record at the ground with 21 wins to Australia's 25 with 7 draws.

2007 - Australia won by 10 wickets- Warne, McGrath and Langer's grand finale as Australia walloped a shellshocked England to confirm the first Ashes whitewash since 1920/21.

2003 - England won by 225 runs- In a match perhaps best remembered for Steve Waugh's emotional hundred, England prevented a series whitewash with Mark Butcher's hundred in the first innings and Michael Vaughan's sparkling 183 - his third ton of the series - in the second, helping set Australia a stiff target of 452. Andy Caddick then took seven wickets - ten in the match - in his final test to let England bow out of a tough series on a high.

1999 - Australia won by 98 runs- England went into the final test of the series knowing that a win would enable them to square the series. But despite a hat-trick from Darren Gough on day 1, the luck deserted England when the third umpire controversially adjudged that Michael Slater had not been run out for 35 in Australia's second innings. Slater went on to make a brilliant 123 out of 184 and the target of 287 proved too much for Alec Stewart's side.

1995 - Match drawn - A potentially famous victory for England was ruined by the weather. Michael Atherton, John Crawley and Gough all hit half-centuries as England hit 309 batting first, before they shot out Australia for just 116 - they were 65/8 at one point. Atherton then declared with Graeme Hick two runs short of a hundred, but the weather, hundreds from Mark Taylor and Slater and stern resistance down the order enabled Australia to escape with the draw.

Prediction

In Australia's favour is their imposing recent record at the SCG - 14 wins in their last 16 matches including the remarkable turnaround against Pakistan last year. Indeed, England (in 2003 - see above) are the only opponents to win at the venue during this time.  However, as we've seen during the series, this Australian team is a shadow of its immediate predecessors and if England retain their focus, they should secure a comfortable win to take the series 3-1.

Where next?

Read all the latest from our Ashes 2010/11 coverage

The best and worst Test XIs of 2010

Watch Darren Gough's hat-trick at Sydney in 1999

The 25 Greatest Ashes Tests of them all: Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3

1st Test: England marks out of 10, 1st Test: Australia marks out of 10

2nd Test: England marks out of 10, Australia marks out of 10

3rd Test: England marks out of 10, Australia marks out of 10

4th Test: England marks out of 10, Australia marks out of 10

If you like this, follow us on Twitter @thereversesweep

4th Test: Melbourne - Preview: Can England reprise glory of 1986?

 
The last time England retained the Ashes down under was in the Boxing Day Test at Melbourne in 1986 when they crushed Australia by an innings and 14 runs to take an unassailable 2-0 lead in the series. With the debacle at Perth now behind them, Andrew Strauss' side has a second opportunity to retain the urn at the same Melbourne Cricket Ground over the coming days.

In the lead-up to the 4th test there has been much speculation about the late switch to a much greener looking pitch, which has given hope to Australians that Mitchell Johnson and Ryan Harris will find a similarly helpful, fast and bouncy wicket to the one that suited them so much at Perth. This is probably wishful thinking on behalf of the home side and the usual slow Melbourne pitch is a much more likely proposition.

This means that Australia will have to think hard about the make-up of their side. Do they risk going in again with four specialist quicks and the part-time spin of Steve Smith? Or do they hand Michael Beer a test debut in place of either Peter Siddle or Ben Hilfenhaus? Dropping the former would mean that Australia would lose its chief snarler in what appeared to be a new 'in your face' approach in Perth.

England also have decisions to make as to the make-up of the bowling attack, although Andy Flower confirmed earlier this week that they will stick to their four-man bowler approach in the absence of a world-class all-rounder. This is no surprise especially as Matt Prior isn't in the form to justify an elevation to number six.

Likely line-ups

England are likely to be unchanged although Tim Bresnan or Ajmal Shahzad may come in for Steve Finn if the latter is deemed to need a rest by the England management. other than that the only change could be Ian Bell being promoted to five ahead of Paul Collingwood.

For Australia, Ricky Ponting is almost certain to play despite a broken little finger and surely they won't repeat their error of The Oval 2009 by going in without a specialist spinner? If Beer does get the nod, expect Siddle to be the one carrying the drinks. Australia also has the option of bolstering the batting by playing Ponting's stand-by Usman Khawaja instead of Smith at number six.

Look out for…

We tipped Kevin Pietersen to end his long quest for a century in our preview of the Adelaide Test and despite crashing back down to earth in Perth, we fully expect him to reach three figures here again in Melbourne.

Ricky Ponting is too great a batsman not to stamp his influence on this series and despite his broken digit and poor run of scores, we would be very surprised if he doesn't make a significant score on the biggest of stages.

Finally, Graeme Swann had a quiet game in Perth after his seven wickets in Adelaide, but the surface at the MCG is likely to suit him better and we wouldn't be surprised to see him star in the 2nd innings. Australia may come to regret not picking their best spinner - the in-form Nathan Hauritz instead of the untried Beer.

Previously at Melbourne

Scene of the first ever Test match in 1877, there have been 53 encounters between England and Australia at the cavernous Melbourne Cricket Ground. Australia has the advantage with 27 wins to England’s 19 and perhaps a clue to the outcome of the 2010 edition is that there have only been 7 draws.

2006 – Australia won by an innings and 99 – England suffered a Boxing Day hangover as they were bundled out for just 159 with Warne taking his 700^th Test wicket. England struck back by reducing Australia to 84/5 before Hayden and Symonds both reached 150. England then capitulated for a second time for 161 for yet another woeful defeat on the most dispiriting of tours.

2002 – Australia won by five wickets – Justin Langer hit 250 as Australia amassed a powerful 551/6 and then England only managed 20 more runs than Langer made on his own. They did better after following on with Michael Vaughan scoring a sparkling 145 as England at least set Australia a target. They then restored further pride by taking five wickets as Australia stumbled over the winning line.

1998 – England won by 12 runs – A pulsating test match with a dramatic climax. Rain ruined day one but Alec Stewart scored a captain’s hundred as England made 270. Steve Waugh (122) then masterminded runs from the tail as Australia led by 70. And when England could only make 244 in their second innings and Australia reached 130/3 in pursuit of 162 all seemed lost. Step forward Dean Headley – who engineered a spectacular collapse and a famous England win.

1986 – England won by an innings and 14 – Mike Gatting’s side secured the retention of the urn with a crushing victory in the Boxing Day Test. Gladstone Small and Ian Botham took five apiece as Australia could only muster 141. Then Chris Broad’s third successive hundred provided the bedrock of England’s 208 1^st innings lead. Phil Edmonds and John Emburey then spun England to victory.

1982 – England won by 3 runs – The forerunner to Edgbaston 2005. An extremely tight match saw all four innings total between 284 and 294. When Australia were 218 for nine chasing 292 all looked lost for the home side. But Border and Thomson took them to within sight of the finishing line before that man Botham struck inducing an edge from Thomson that Tavare parried into the hands of a grateful Miller.

Prediction

If the weather holds true then the MCG is a result wicket and we fully expect England to win a tight encounter and therefore retain the Ashes with the final test in Sydney still to come.

Where next?

Dear Santa...

Read KP's Ashes Diary exclusively at the Reverse Sweep

Dean Headley's 15 minutes of fame

Read all the latest from our Ashes 2010/11 coverage

The 25 Greatest Ashes Tests of them all: Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3

If you like this, follow us on Twitter @thereversesweep

KP's Ashes Diary: 15th December - Lamborghinis, hundreds & Liz Hurley

 
It’s been a long time since we spoke peeps. Blame it on some trigger friendly traffic cops and the arrival of Jess and the little man. I’ve certainly not been able to stop scoring hundreds since my last diary entry…

Lamborghinis and the Fun Police

A number of you I spoke to in Brisbane mentioned the Fun Police at the Gabba. Well, I encountered Victoria’s version of them down on the Great Ocean Road last week. There I was minding my own business having just scored another hundred in a Lamborghini that Warney arranged for me when the Fun Police stopped me for speeding. Don’t they know who I am?

A dream double

Maybe they were still a bit sore about my double hundred in Adelaide – man, I felt in top form there – it was probably one of the best Test innings ever. I certainly showed Cooky that there is only one number one batsman in the side. I feel another double is just around the corner.

All-rounder

You may have seen me downplaying my bowling after I got that wuss Michael Clarke out at Adelaide. But between you and me peeps, I’m constantly in Straussy’s ear telling him that I am not only the best batman in the side but the best bowler too – sorry Swanny.

Hats off to Warney

Talking of spinners, my friend Warney really does get around. The IPL, Sky and Channel 9, KFC, Poker and now we find out he has been poking Elizabeth Hurley too. Where does he get the time?

Beer

Finally, I see that the Aussies have turned to Beer after their capitulation at Adelaide. I know how they feel. I drank a lot of pina coladas to drown my sorrows when I was having that bad trot with the bat last summer.

Right peeps, I’ve got another double hundred to compile…

Where next?

Read all the excerpts from KP's 2010 Ashes Diary

See Shane Warne's Ashes nightmare

Michael Beer's shock selection for the WACA explained

Read all the latest from our Ashes 2010/11 coverage

Check out all our Reverse Sweep heroes and zeroes

If you like this, follow us on Twitter @thereversesweep

3rd Test: Perth - Preview: Can England wrap up the urn by Christmas?

 
Australia has confirmed its overwhelming cricketing superiority over its former colonial masters in the last two Ashes Tests at Perth, winning at a canter in 2002 and 2006 to gain an unassailable 3-0 lead in the series.

But this time is different, and having survived the Gabbatoir and then extinguished the horrors of Adelaide in 2006, England know a win at the WACA - where they have only won once - would see them retain the Ashes before Christmas.

They may never get a better chance. Australia would appear to be in complete disarray with the selectors doing a passable impersonation of England in the 1990's. Simon Katich's injury means that Phil Hughes comes in to open the innings and Steve Smith replaces the discarded Marcus North in the lower middle order. The seamers may be juggled again, but the biggest surprise of all is the pick of left arm spinner Michael Beer - a man with just six first-class matches to his name.

England have no such problems and James Anderson will hope to make a similarly impressive contribution as Kevin Pietersen when he popped back to England for the birth of his son in the World T20 - even if Bob Willis may not be amused. England have dominated the last seven days of the series and if they can repeat the trick at the WACA then the urn will be theirs and Australia may just capitulate completely.

Likely line-ups

The only selection debate for England is whether to go with Tremlett, Bresnan or Shahzad to replace the injured Broad. Otherwise they will be unchanged.

Australia are pondering over a three or four man seam attack, with Beer making his debut if it is the latter and either Siddle or Hilfenhaus missing out if it is the former. 

Look out for…

Chris Tremlett has not been confirmed as Broad’s replacement yet, but if he plays his fourth test and his first since 2007, he should enjoy the bouncy WACA wicket and a man of the match performance is not out of the question.

It will be a surprise if Mitchell Johnson doesn’t come back into the Australian line-up, with Ponting and his selectors fully aware that the misfiring Johnson is their most likely match-winner on his home ground. He took 8 for 61 on this ground against South Africa in 2008-09, so England’s batsmen may finally be about to find what all the fuss is about.

The Pitch – It would seem that the WACA pitch could return to the lively track of old if curator Cameron Sutherland is to be believed: "We're going to aim for a fair bit of grass on top this year. Certainly, we want a result and we're confident that we'll have a pitch that will produce a result." Could this play into England’s hands given they would appear to have the most settled and potent attack?

Previously at Perth

A look back at the record books shows that England have an abysmal record at Perth, winning only one out of 11 Tests. Australia have won seven and England have been on the receiving end of some fearsome beatings in the last five WACA contests.

2006 – Australia won by 206 runs – Monty Panesar made a belated entry into the series and took five for 92 on day one as Australia were bowled out for 244. England were unable to take advantage though and folded for 215 before Australia racked up the runs second time around with Hussey, Clarke and Gilchrist all making hundreds – the latter off only 57 balls. Cook made a hundred, but England could only reach 350 and the Ashes were gone.

2002 – Australia won by an innings and 48 - England and in particular Alex Tudor were terrorised on a quick Perth wicket by Brett Lee. England could only make 185 and 223 as the game finished on the 3^rd day, which meant that Australia had secured the Ashes again on just the 11^th day of the series

1998 – Australia won by 7 wickets – Another dreadful Perth experience for England as they were shot out for just 112 on the opening day in just 39 overs. Tudor had a better WACA experience than he would have four years later and took four for 89 on debut. Again, England were only able to take the game into the third day.

1978 – England won by 166 runs - England’s only Test win at the WACA came against an Australian team ravaged by World Series Cricket defections. David Gower scored 102 and Rodney Hogg took 10 wickets as Australia fell well short of their victory target of 328.    

Prediction

Despite the curator's promise of a green and bouncy wicket, the WACA has lost much of its hostile reputation in recent years, so England's top six could be set to cash in again. This Englishman may regret his bravado, but we go for England to break their Perth hoodoo to give Strauss the best of early Christmas presents.

Where next?

Michael Beer's shock selection for the WACA explained

Read all the latest from our Ashes 2010/11 coverage

Check out all our Reverse Sweep heroes and zeroes

If you like this, follow us on Twitter @thereversesweep

Michael Beer's selection for WACA Test explained

 
We've been racking our brains at the Reverse Sweep to understand why Australia have replaced one inexperienced and sub-standard left arm spinner in Xavier Doherty with another in Michael Beer who has even less first-class experience.

We think that we may know the answer. And it is a remarkably simple explanation.

As the Australian selectors convened and Chairman Andrew Hiditch called the meeting to order, he explained that they had a number of tricky choices to make and suggested that they start with the specialist spinner position.

"I think we would all agree that Punter's gamble on his Tasmanian mate hasn't worked. Unfortunately, Xavier doesn't have the X-Factor" Hidlitch may have said.

"The choice seems to be either going back to Little Nathan, or maybe picking another left-arm spinner like Steve O'Keefe or even this guy that Warney has mentioned called Michael Beer. What do you think?"

At this point, the waiter came to the table and asked what everyone wanted to drink.

"Beer" answered David Boon, still thinking wistfully of his recently sacked mate Merv Hughes.

"I'll go for beer too" agreed Jamie Cox.

"Why not, I'll have beer as well" said Greg Chappell.

"Ok, Beer it is" said Hilditch. "That was remarkably easy. Now that's move on to Marcus North's position..." 

Where next?

Zeroes: Andrew Hilditch

Read all the latest from our Ashes 2010/11 coverage

Check out all our Reverse Sweep heroes and zeroes

If you like this, follow us on Twitter @thereversesweep