The Reverse Sweep

KP's Ashes Diary: 5th February - Schedules, Torres & Piers Morgan

 
It’s been a long time since I wrote a diary entry peeps and you can blame it entirely on the ridiculous schedule we have. How the authorities can expect us to play a 50 over match every three or four days is beyond me. I know now how those Chilean miners felt.

The schedule is also to blame for our poor form in the current ODI series and don’t try and tell me it is exactly the same for the Australians.

Anyway enough about cricket for the moment. As you may all know I am a big Chelsea fan. I keep trying to persuade Roman to build a cricket ground next to Stamford Bridge to help reduce my travelling time so I can play the odd county match occasionally. He’s certainly been splashing the cash this week, so you never know.

Now I know a lot about football, but I haven’t heard much about this Fernando Torres geezer Chelsea have just signed. Is he any good?

I’m going to keep this diary going for the World Cup, although with six warm-up matches before the quarter-finals, I’m not sure how much I’ll have to talk about.

Anyway must dash, I’ve got to send another Tweet to my good friend Piers Morgan – he’s such a nice understated guy you know…

Where next?

Read all the excerpts from KP's 2010 Ashes Diary

Delve into our comprehensive Ashes 2010/11 coverage

Check out all our Reverse Sweep heroes and zeroes including David Gower, Shane Watson, Justin Langer and Hedley Verity

If you like this, follow us on Twitter @thereversesweep

KP's Ashes Diary: 12th January - I love the IPL even with the 50% pay cut

KPWe may have won the Ashes and the World Cup may be coming up, but let’s face it the main gig for me this year is the IPL because it pays the most. All that lovely wonga for hardly any work and then there are those glitzy celebrity filled IPL nights too, which are right up my street.

However, as much as I am looking forward to the IPL, I was flabbergasted that I’ve had to take a huge pay cut this year. I only fetched $650,000 at the auction last weekend, which is more than a 50% pay cut. Don’t they remember that I was the Man of the Tournament in the World T20 last season? I’ll have to cancel that order for a diamond encrusted Lamborghini now.

But do you know what the best thing about the IPL is? It’s that I get to change franchises. Sod loyalty. Now after playing for Notts, Hampshire and Surrey, I can now experience the pleasure of playing for Deccan Chargers after my time with Bangalore. Although as Deccan isn’t that close to Chelsea, I’m not sure if it works geographically.

Finally, I couldn’t help noticing that Cooky didn’t get an IPL contract. See I told you all that I should have been Man of the Series in the Ashes instead of him.

Where next?

Read all the excerpts from KP's 2010 Ashes Diary

Delve into our comprehensive Ashes 2010/11 coverage

Check out all our Reverse Sweep heroes and zeroes including David Gower, Shane Watson, Justin Langer and Hedley Verity

If you like this, follow us on Twitter @thereversesweep

KP's Ashes Diary: 11th January - The urn needs some bling

 
Well I, KP the magnificent we did it. KP we won the Ashes and gave the Aussies an almighty trouncing. I have to say though that I’m not impressed with the urn. It’s too small, it isn’t gold and it doesn’t have any diamonds on it. And as you can see from the picture above, you cannot even put any champagne in it. Maybe Lord’s should let me and Jess design a new bling version, so that next time we have a proper trophy to lift up?

Another sour point was Cooky getting the Man of the Series award. What did he do to justify getting that over me? I was the one who sacrificed the captaincy to get rid of Moores - without which none of this would have been possible. I was the one who scored a double century in a Test we actually won. And I was the man who got the key wicket of the whole series when I outfoxed Clarkey in Adelaide. Cooky scored a few runs granted, but compared to what I did at the Oval in 2005 it was small fry.

Anyway peeps, must dash as I have to get some shuteye before the T20 match tomorrow at the ground that should be re-named the KP Oval. I’ll talk to you about the IPL next time…

Where next?

Read all the excerpts from KP's 2010 Ashes Diary

Delve into our comprehensive Ashes 2010/11 coverage

Check out all our Reverse Sweep heroes and zeroes including Paul Collingwood, Douglas Jardine, Hedley Verity and Matthew Hayden

If you like this, follow us on Twitter @thereversesweep

KP's Ashes Diary: 5th January - Don't blame me, blame David Hasselhoff

 
I can't believe all the bad press I am getting about my dismissal yesterday. It was neither rash nor reckless, but just a supreme batsman affected by the arrival of his hero at the SCG.

As I wrote back at the start of the tour, David Hasselhoff is my hero. Like me, he is not just a mere man, but a great one. Not content with bringing high-brow drama like Knight Rider and Baywatch to the screen or having a voice comparable to Sinatra, the Hoff also single-handedly brought down the Berlin Wall and saved Eastern Europe from the scourge of communism.

I can relate to these great deeds, having been solely responsible for winning the Ashes in 2005 and then again this year thanks to my cunning plan to sacrifice my captaincy to unseat Moores the Terrible from the throne - see my last diary entry, if you don't believe me.

Once I realised that the Hoff was at the SCG yesterday, I just had to get to meet him. The trouble was is that I was out in the middle at the time. I tried to go off retired hurt and even feigned that I had a problem with my elbow, but the physio and Straussy were having known of it.

So, I'll admit that with just four overs to go and the prospect of finally meeting the greatest man in the world looming nearer, I lost concentration for a minute. I felt bad, but this feeling disappeared as soon as I met the Hoff. Wow, what a man. So modest and humble too - just like me.

Ok peeps, time to sign-off and watch Cooky and Belly get my runs.

Where next?

Read all the excerpts from KP's 2010 Ashes Diary

Read all the latest from our Ashes 2010/11 coverage

Check out all our Reverse Sweep heroes and zeroes including Paul Collingwood, Billy Bowden, Mitchell Johnson and David Lloyd

If you like this, follow us on Twitter @thereversesweep

KP's Ashes Diary: 2nd January - It was KP that won it...

 
Wow, I am an Ashes winner again and as I explained the other day, my team-mates and England supporters all have me to thank for it.

Back in 2008 when I was captain, I devised a grand plan to get rid of that imbecile Peter Moores even though it meant sacrificing my position as skipper. Well, everyone loves a martyr don't they?

Part 2 of the plan was to develop a supposed weakness against left-arm spin, thus tricking the evil Australians into dropping their star spinner Nathan Hauritz. I had to do something after Hauritz's brilliant bowling got me out at Cardiff in 2009. 

I didn't realise how well this would work as first Xavier Doherty and then Michael Beer have been called up by the foolish Australian selectors - it would be like us picking me as a specialist spinner instead of Swanny or maybe even making me captain again - ha ha!

I can now reveal that I should also be given the credit for the rebirth of Chris Tremlett as a world-class bowler after I did all that work with him on my frequent trips to the Rose Bowl, before we both ended up at Surrey. I was also the one that persuaded the selectors to pick Jonathan Trott at the Oval in 2009 and my refusal to bat at three led to Trotty becoming the best batsman since Bradman. You see, I am a batting, coaching and selectorial genius!

I wasalso responsible for the safe evacuation of the Chilean miners, the creation of the coalition government in the United Kingdom and the end of Apartheid in South Africa - even though I was only a small boy at the time, I was Mandela's Chief Advisor.

Next on the agenda is world peace, democracy in North Korea and the renaissance of my good friend Lalit Modi. Now, where did I put those pills...

Where next?

Read all the excerpts from KP's 2010 Ashes Diary

Read all the latest from our Ashes 2010/11 coverage

Check out all our Reverse Sweep heroes and zeroes

If you like this, follow us on Twitter @thereversesweep

KP's Ashes Diary: 23rd December - Mitchell, Santa & the Second Coming

 
Two days to go until Santa arrives peeps and I'm more excited than when Mitchell Johnson gave me his mobile number.

Perth Forgotten

Indeed, all the excitement over Christmas and seeing Mitch again on Boxing Day means that I have pretty much forgotten about Perth. It was just a blip and had absolutely nothing to do with our wives and girlfriends arriving. That said, I did have to change my bat in the second innings when I noticed that Jess had written a saucy message on the bat grip. I can't remember what happened next ball though...

The Second Coming

It hasn't gone unnoticed in the camp that Cooky's birthday falls on Christmas Day and you can be sure that we've got plenty of surprises planned for the young lad. I'd always though I should have been born on Christmas Day, given that I am the Second Coming. 

Mitch's number

A lot of people have asked me why I asked for Mitch's number in the middle at Perth. It was a simple mistake. I assumed he was for hire, because he'd given me a good net in Brisbane that got me all set up for my big innings in Adelaide. I was just hoping to book him in for Melbourne. Now of course, I've realised that he is Australia's best bowler. What ever happened to Xavier Doherty?

Right, Happy Christmas peeps I'm off to wrap some presents and then help wrap up the Ashes from Boxing Day. See you all at the MCG!

Where next?

Read all the excerpts from KP's 2010 Ashes Diary

Read all the latest from our Ashes 2010/11 coverage

Check out all our Reverse Sweep heroes and zeroes

If you like this, follow us on Twitter @thereversesweep

KP's Ashes Diary: 15th December - Lamborghinis, hundreds & Liz Hurley

 
It’s been a long time since we spoke peeps. Blame it on some trigger friendly traffic cops and the arrival of Jess and the little man. I’ve certainly not been able to stop scoring hundreds since my last diary entry…

Lamborghinis and the Fun Police

A number of you I spoke to in Brisbane mentioned the Fun Police at the Gabba. Well, I encountered Victoria’s version of them down on the Great Ocean Road last week. There I was minding my own business having just scored another hundred in a Lamborghini that Warney arranged for me when the Fun Police stopped me for speeding. Don’t they know who I am?

A dream double

Maybe they were still a bit sore about my double hundred in Adelaide – man, I felt in top form there – it was probably one of the best Test innings ever. I certainly showed Cooky that there is only one number one batsman in the side. I feel another double is just around the corner.

All-rounder

You may have seen me downplaying my bowling after I got that wuss Michael Clarke out at Adelaide. But between you and me peeps, I’m constantly in Straussy’s ear telling him that I am not only the best batman in the side but the best bowler too – sorry Swanny.

Hats off to Warney

Talking of spinners, my friend Warney really does get around. The IPL, Sky and Channel 9, KFC, Poker and now we find out he has been poking Elizabeth Hurley too. Where does he get the time?

Beer

Finally, I see that the Aussies have turned to Beer after their capitulation at Adelaide. I know how they feel. I drank a lot of pina coladas to drown my sorrows when I was having that bad trot with the bat last summer.

Right peeps, I’ve got another double hundred to compile…

Where next?

Read all the excerpts from KP's 2010 Ashes Diary

See Shane Warne's Ashes nightmare

Michael Beer's shock selection for the WACA explained

Read all the latest from our Ashes 2010/11 coverage

Check out all our Reverse Sweep heroes and zeroes

If you like this, follow us on Twitter @thereversesweep

KP's Ashes Diary: 1st December - Brisbane, Tashes & Doug Perignon

 
Hello peeps, it’s been a long time since I sent you one of my diary entries but I was waiting to bat for nearly two days whilst the warm-up act of Straussy, Cooky and Trotty overstayed their welcome at the crease and the main man was stuck with his pads on in the pavilion.

Here are my reflections on the drawn match at The Gabba:

One-nil to KP

Those cunning Aussies tried to get me by picking a left-arm spinner, but did it phase KP? No way, mate. I think I showed that Xavier Doherty who’s boss. I didn’t get out to him anyway. Shame about that waft outside off-stump to Siddle, but you can’t win them all.

On Mitchell’s moustache

Ha ha! If you thought my moustache was bad, what about Mitchell’s? It certainly didn’t help him bowl better, did it? Or bat better. Or even catch better. Ha ha!

On Andy Flower’s mole

Gee, we were shocked that Andy had to have something removed from his face during the Test in Brisbane. I didn’t quite understand what it was, but I am bloody worried that I may need an operation to remove my moustache now.

On Christmas

I'm really excited as today is the 1st December and I got to open the first window on my Advent Calendar. Can you guess what the picture was? Yes, that's right - a picture of me!

On Adelaide

I’ve got happy memories of the Adelaide Oval after scoring 158 four years ago. Gee, me and Colly really rubbed their noses in it didn’t we? Did we win that match? Or perhaps it was a draw.

On Doug Bollinger

I hear Mitchell might be getting the flick from the Aussie side instead of some bloke that wears a toupee. I think he is called Doug Perignon or something. Jessica sent me a couple of pictures of him - one in cricket gear and the other in civvies. Is he really a cricketer? Must dash, peeps, I’ve got a net session…

Where next?

Read all the excerpts from KP's 2010 Ashes Diary

See Shane Warne's Ashes nightmare

Zeroes: Mitchell Johnson

KP's Ashes Diary is being brought to you exclusively this winter by the Reverse Sweep. However, please note that Kevin Pietersen may or may not have said or written the things this article said he did. Just in case

KP's Ashes Diary: 19th November - Nightmares, hundreds & the 2nd best batsman in our side

 
Hello peeps, sorry it’s been a while since my last diary post – I guess I’ve been busy growing my tash, which as no doubt will have seem is now coming along nicely.

On last night’s nightmare

Man, I didn’t get much sleep last night. I kept having the same nightmare, which involved continually missing a straight one from a left arm spinner and being bowled – just like what happened yesterday. Man, it was horrible. I just hope that the Aussies don’t pick O’Keefe and Doherty for Brisbane – that really would be too much to take. Playing Warney was easy compared to these cack handed guys.

On watching Belly

I’d have preferred to have been in the middle, but I really enjoyed watching Belly bat over the last two days. He’s a fantastic batsman. Indeed, he is so good, he is now probably the second best batsman in the side after yours truly.

On that elusive hundred

It’s been a long time since I scored a first-class hundred. That is true, but just you wait peeps for Brisbane…

Where next?

Read all the excerpts from KP's 2010 Ashes Diary

See Shane Warne's Ashes nightmare

England's Ashes preparations: Is it all going a bit too smoothly?

KP's Ashes Diary is being brought to you exclusively this winter by the Reverse Sweep. However, please note that Kevin Pietersen may or may not have said or written the things this article said he did. Just in case

KP's Ashes Diary: 11th November - Moustaches, Roebuck and runs

 
Fresh from scoring a fluid 33in England's latest warm-up match With South Australia, Kevin Pietersen files the latest instalment of his Ashes Diary, which is being brought to you exclusively this winter by the Reverse Sweep. 

On growing a moustache

What do you reckon? Don't I look so damn cool? I'm going for the sophisticated Clark Gable look from Gone With The Wind. Film offers can't be far away. Seriously though I'm growing the moustache for two reasons. Firstly, to scare off Xavier Doherty or any other slow left arm spinner who thinks they are going to get my wicket in the Test series this summer. And secondly, it's for a good cause - you can donate here http://uk.movember.com/mospace/1064686/.

On scoring 33 against South Australia

I enjoyed my time at the crease today and feel I am back to my usual commanding self hitting five fours and one six. It was disappointing to get out, but I am saving the really big runs for Brisbane in two weeks. I can pretty much guarantee that I will score a hundred.

On Peter Roebuck

The Aussies seem to have gone quiet over the last couple of days. Ponting said we will find it "hard to come to grips" with the pitch in Brisbane, but what does he know anyway? I was surprised to read one nice article about me in the Sydney Morning Herald. At first I thought the Aussies were going soft, but Beefy tells me that the writer Peter Roebuck is actually English. He didn't have much else good to say about him though. One thing that was wrong in the article though was Roebuck's assertion that Pietermaritzburg was not named in my honour. You can't be right about everything I suppose.

Where next?

Read all the excerpts from KP's 2010 Ashes Diary

Botham's Ashes

See Shane Warne's Ashes nightmare

Please note that Kevin Pietersen may or may not have said or written the things this article said he did. Just in case

KP's Ashes Diary: 8th November - David Hasslehoff is my hero

 
Following England’s impressive win in their first warm-up match against Western Australia, an ebullient Kevin Pietersen delivers his latest diary entry, which is brought to you exclusively by the Reverse Sweep this winter.

On David Hasslehoff

I was a bit disappointed that Warney compared Swanny to David Hasslehoff the other day. Warney knows that the Hoff is my hero. He’s a great singer, fantastic actor and like me is extremely modest - he is credited with bringing down the Berlin Wall and I won the Ashes in 2005.

On getting the swagger back

Man, it felt good at the crease over the weekend. I really enjoyed my cameo yesterday in the run chase. I feel like I’ve had the hottest curry as the runs are really beginning to flow now.

On being a clown

I have never really been a technical player, you've seen me play for six years, I play like a clown. For Brisbane, I was thinking of wearing an orange wig, white facepaint and a red nose, but decided not to as everyone might confuse me with Colly.

Where next?

Read all the excerpts from KP's 2010 Ashes Diary

10 things NOT to look forward to about The Ashes

10 reasons to love Graeme Swann

Please note that Kevin Pietersen may or may not have said or written the things this article said he did. Just in case

KP's Ashes Diary: 6th November - I am "The Man"

 

As the phoney war ends and Australia continue their losing streak, England finally got underway with the tour opener at the WACA against Western Australia yesterday. Kevin Pietersen made his first venture to the crease today and after a fairly frantic 58, here is his latest diary instalment.

On making 58

As my good mates Take That would say, I am Back for Good. It felt so good at the crease today and that 58 must be my highest score for two years. It is only a hundred runs less than the greatest innings in Ashes history - my 158 at The Oval in 2005 if you even need to ask. Once again I am the saviour of the England cricket team. Roll on the Ashes.

On Shane Warne

Who needs that nobody John Buchanan? We should hire Shane Warne as our coach driver instead. He knows exactly what this team needs. I read yesterday that he said that I need to be encouraged to strut around and do my own thing, and that I need to be made to feel important and be made to feel like "The Man". I've been trying to tell Straussy and Flower this for months.

On Morgs

Now that the natural state of order has been restored with the return of Ian Bell, I've got my gopher Eoin Morgan back. I've included a picture of Morgs bringing my supplies of Brylcreem grooming products into the airport. That'll teach him for trying to upstage me in the 50 over game - there is only room for one star in this side.

Where next?

Read all the excerpts from KP's 2010 Ashes Diary

7 reasons why the Poms love Shane Warne

Michael Vaughan's Master Race

KP's Ashes Diary: 4th November - Doug Boddingtons

 
After a couple of days break – well you know how much time KP spends in the nets, here is the latest instalment in Kevin Pietersen’s Ashes diary, which is being brought to you exclusively this winter on The Reverse Sweep.

On Doug Bollinger

I’d never heard of this Doug Boddingtons character until a few days ago. Apparently he’s heard of me though. Last time he was going on about Nathan Hauritz’s new mystery ball getting me out – apparently it is called an ego or something. Now he has said that he’d like to "have Andrew Strauss and Kevin Pietersen in his pocket." What? It sounds like some strange English Public School ritual – I’ll have to ask Straussy what this fool is going on about. I hope it isn’t as painful as the toastrack.

On Glenn McGrath

I bumped into Glenn McGrath the other day. He didn’t fall for the cricket ball under the shoe trick that I pulled at Edgbaston in 2005 – shit, don’t print that! Swanny and I gave him a bit of a ribbing about Australia’s serial losing habit and asked him what his prediction for the series was. It was 5-0, of course. He may be right too, if Australia continue to play like they are.

On Sri Lanka’s amazing win at Melbourne

It looks like I was right to be worried about this Xavier Doherty dude - oh man, another slow left armer to haunt my dreams and wreck my average. I left the ground after his fourth wicket to go and have a lie down. Do you know the result?

Where next?

Read all the excerpts from KP's 2010 Ashes Diary

Separated at birth: Doug Bollinger and CBeebies Justin Fletcher

Separated at birth: Alastair Cook and Kaka

Please note that Kevin Pietersen may or may not have said or written the things this article said he did. Just in case

KP's Ashes Diary: 1st November - Feeling Fantastic

 
The Reverse Sweep is exclusively posting Kevin Pietersen's Ashes diary throughout the winter. Today he talks about his form, Wayne Rooney, Australia's T20 defeat and getting one over on John Buchanan.

On feeling fantastic

I keep being asked about my form, but to be honest I feel fantastic now after working with Fordy on some mental and technical aspects of my game whilst I was in Durban. In essence, it is all about looking good at the crease. I've got some new pads and gloves and with the Brylcreem product I mentioned the other day, I feel like the business again. If I look back to 2005, I looked good at the crease with the skunk and if I can do that again, I'm sure that the runs will flow.

On Wayne Rooney

As I was saying in the press, I have a lot of empathy with Wayne Rooney at the moment. We are both the best at what we do but have struggled recently. We're both really intelligent and humble guys who've just had our first kids. Just like me, the man's a genius, he will be a legend of the game and he should be supported rather than be hammered about stuff. One thing though we don't have in common, is that I don't have a fetish for grannies. I prefer Golden Delicious.

On Australia's defeat to Sri Lanka

We all sat down to watch the match last night and had a good laugh at Australia's expense. By the way, do you know I was the Player of the Tournament at the World T20 earlier in the year? Straussy kept going on about the Aussies putting an image on some clock in London the other day. Crazy guys these Aussies.

On John Buchanan not carrying passengers

Ha ha. Good old Straussy has foiled that John Buchanan coach driver bloke. You know that we had hired this guy to drive our coach during the tour? Well, because he had a go at me in the press, Straussy has told him that he won't be carrying any passengers on this tour. So it seems we have asituations vacant for a new coach driver. I hope Peter Moores doesn't apply.

Read all the excerpts from KP's 2010 Ashes Diary

Zeroes: John Buchanan

10 things NOT to look forward to about The Ashes

Please note that Kevin Pietersen may or may not have said or written the things this article said he did. Just in case

KP's Ashes Diary: 31st October - My Ego and Xavier Doherty

 
The Reverse Sweep will be exclusively posting Kevin Pietersen's Ashes diary throughout the winter. Today a jetlagged KP gives us his thoughts on Doug Bollinger's comments about his ego getting him out...

On Perth

Just a quick diary entry today as I am absolutely whacked after that plane journey and we're starting training straight away - you know how long I like spending in the nets. Two observations on Perth. First, it's a long way from Chelsea and secondly there seem to be a lot of Saffers here. I could soon feel quite at home.

On Doug Bollinger and My Ego

I hear that Aussie bowler with the lager surname who looks like that camp bloke off CBeebies has said that he reckons my ego will get him my wicket during the Ashes. Gee, he's pretty dumb even for an Australian. Everyone knows that it is slow left armers that get me out. What's an ego anyway - is it Hauritz's new mystery ball?

On Xavier Doherty

Talking about slow left armers - gee, I hate those tricky buggers - I'm pretty worried about this Xavier Doherty dude that the Aussies have called up. Apparently, he has a first-class average of 50, which given the other slow left armers that have got me out suggests I could be in trouble. Shit, I can feel another crisis in confidence approaching...

Where next?

Read all the excerpts from KP's 2010 Ashes Diary

Zeroes: John Buchanan

Doug Bollinger as you've never seen him before

Eight reasons to love Kevin Pietersen

Please note that Kevin Pietersen may or may not have said or written the things this article said he did. Just in case

KP's Ashes Diary: 30th October - The longest journey...

 
The Reverse Sweep will be exclusively posting Kevin Pietersen's Ashes diary throughout the winter. Today KP continues to rail against John Buchanan, moans that he has been separated from Jessica and Dylan for five weeks and talks about his latest Brylcreem product.

On John Buchanan (again)

Actually, one thing I forgot to say about Mr Nobody yesterday was that he is an even worse coach driver than Peter Moores, and believe me that does say something as Moores was continually taking the wrong turning and blaming the GPS. When I complained they sacked as both. And I wasn’t even driving. It still rankles. Mr Nobody had the best team to drive in the history of cricket. Anyone could have driven that team. He has done nothing else and Straussy told me that Mr Nobody’s reputation at Middlesex is mud – apparently he drove the coach for them for a while too. Gee these coach drivers don’t half get around.

On being separated from Jessica and Dylan

It sucks. Obviously I respect Andy Flower’s decision. I have to. But I didn’t react too well. Australia is a long way from Chelsea. I’m not prepared to say any more. I’ve got loads of videos and pictures on the laptop with a Liberty X soundtrack so that will help. But five weeks is a long time…

On his latest Brylcreem product

Have you seen what it looks like? Oh you’ve got the picture. It’s amazing isn’t it? Brylcreem had wanted to get Shahid Afridi involved, but were worried he’d eat all the stock. He’s a crazy dude that Afridi. Tell everyone to go and buy it and then you can look as slick and cool as me.

Gee this flight is taking a long time…

Where next?

Read all the excerpts from KP's 2010 Ashes Diary

Zeroes: John Buchanan

Eight reasons to love Kevin Pietersen

Please note that Kevin Pietersen may or may not have said or written the things this article said he did. Just in case

KP's Ashes Diary - 29th October: Here we go

 
As revealed yesterday, the Reverse Sweep will be exclusively posting Kevin Pietersen's Ashes diary throughout the winter. Today, as KP prepares to depart for Australia with the rest of the squad, he gave us his thoughts on the trip and Mr Madcap himself - John Buchanan...

On Australia

Gee, it's a long way from Chelsea. It's even further away from home than the Rose Bowl, although I have actually been down under more frequently than I've been to Hampshire.

On the flight

I cannot believe we have got to spend 20 hours on a plane! That's longer than I've spent at the crease all summer. Luckily, Jess has made a Liberty X's Biggest Hits Playlist for my IPod - although I'm not sure how much time that will take up. I've also got plenty of videos of my best innings on the laptop - although some of the pictures are a bit grainy now. I must admit that I do like watching myself bat and Straussy has said it may help me regain my confidence too.

On John Buchanan

I don't even know who he is. The only bloke I've heard with that name was that guy Warney said drove the Australian team to the ground from the hotel, used to whitter on about some Chinese dude and stick notes under the player's hotel doors. Sounds like some sort of cruising homosexual to me. Whoever, he is I'm not interested in what he has to say. Who is he? He's a nobody. Flower tells me he has been hired to drive our coach sometimes on this tour, so I'll give him the old switch hit treatment when I run into him.

Where next?

If cricketers were World Cup footballers

Eight reasons to love Kevin Pietersen

Please note that Kevin Pietersen may or may not have said or written the things this article said he did. Just in case

Exclusive: KP's Ashes Diary here at the Reverse Sweep

 
We bring you the exciting news that we will be exclusively ghost writing Kevin Pietersen's Ashes Diary over the winter here at the Reverse Sweep.

It's so hush hush that we're not sure that KP even knows himself yet. But rest assured, we will be bringing you (almost) daily diary entries from the great man himself as he seeks to rediscover his mojo against his favourite opponents. Will he find form and help England bring back the Ashes? Or has his self-confidence got so low that past glories will never be recaptured? What dressing room exclusives will he reveal? And just how much does he like Liberty X?

We're not sure why we have been bestowed this honour, but guess that it is probably something to do with the fact that we have always been big supporters of KP here at the Reverse Sweep. True, he manages to drop the odd clanger on Twitter or in interviews and he certainly plays the odd rash stroke, but when all's said and done, he is England's best batsman and a cricketing version of Jose Mourinho - the 'Special One'. At least that's what his agent told us to say.

Oh and we once gave him directions from Chelsea to Southampton, which may explain a few things...

Tomorrow we will bring you the first diary entry, which will feature KP's thoughts as the team prepares to fly down under.

Where next?

What can England learn from Australia's Indian woes?

If cricketers were World Cup footballers

Eight reasons to love Kevin Pietersen