The Reverse Sweep

10 reasons why Ian Botham may have worn sunglasses at the premiere of 'From the Ashes'

 

It's certainly been quite a week for cricket film premieres. Following swiftly on the heels of 'Fire in Babylon', the shindig for 'From the Ashes' - a documentary about the infamous 1981 Ashes series - saw the likes of Ian Botham, David Gower and Bob Willis swanning along the red carpet and posing for the cameras.

But in every picture we've seen of the event - such as the one above - Botham is wearing shades despite the premiere being in the evening and sunglasses plainly not being the most suitable attire for a trip to the cinema.

Here are ten possible reasons why Beefy chose to don the shades: 

1. His old nemesis Ian Chappell caught Botham by surprise in the car park as he was arriving and landed a couple on him
2. Beefy's just a shy retiring sort of chap, who doesn't like the limelight. No really!
3. Shh! He's on an undercover mission from MI5 to assassinate Charles Colville. Don't blow his cover!
4. Botham's eyes still haven't been put back in place after popping out of their sockets on seeing Pippa Middleton at the recent Royal Wedding
5. He's doubling up as Bob Willis's bodyguard after unsubstantiated rumours that the merciless Jonathan Trott was going to take his revenge for the verbal attacks Willis made during the World Cup
6. They're his special Knight of the Realm shades given to Botham personally by the Queen
7. The real Botham wasn't available, so his Madame Tussauds waxwork was used as a last minute replacement
8. He'd been out on the tiles with Gower and a couple of quiet ones turned into a marathon binge session
9. He's auditioning for the title role in the next Terminator film, or and perhaps most plausibly;
10. Despite having been a magnificent cricketer, at the end of day he's a bit of a nob

Where next?

Botham's Ashes

See Ian Botham stink the place out in Sky's new Ashes advert

All-time England Ashes XI - All-rounder

First Andy Gray, and now is Ian Botham getting the boot from Sky?

Cricket Heroes: Bob Willis, David Gower and Cricket Zeroes: Charles Colville

Follow us on Twitter @thereversesweep

First Andy Gray, and now is Ian Botham getting the boot from Sky?

 
Our spies at Sky tell us that the dismissal of Andy Gray is just the start of a political correctness purge at the broadcaster to rid itself of the dinosaurs that stalk its sports coverage. Judging from this leaked letter, which may or may not be genuine, it would seem that Ian Botham is next in the firing line…

Dear Sir Ian,

Even though you are in Australia, you may have seen reports that Andy Gray was sacked yesterday for multiple episodes of sexism towards a female assistant referee and to fellow Sky presenters.

The company has decided to use this window of opportunity to review our roster of sports presenters and pundits with the aim of pensioning off any that could be accused of being guilty of political incorrectness. For example, henceforth all female Sky Sports News presenters will be required to wear a burqa when on-air. 

Doubtless you will understand that Sky just cannot take the risk of any more bad publicity in light of the antics of Gray and the grinning jackanapes Richard Keys.

Unfortunately, the spotlight has now fallen on you. We have collated evidence that irrefutably proves that you discriminate amongst others  against Australians, people that are folicly challenged and pensioners.

Firstly if we go back to your playing days, you clearly took a pathological delight in beating Australia. In particular, your exploits at Headingley and Edgbaston in 1981, your haul of wickets in the 1985 series and the decisive role you played at Brisbane and Melbourne in 1986 makes the Sky board uncomfortable. Sport is supposed to be about the taking part not the winning and the fact that you beat Australia in five of the seven Ashes series you played against them means that you obviously don’t share our belief.

Then there is the series that has recently concluded. Having looked back at the tapes, you seem to have taken an unhealthy delight in glorifying and gloating about England’s success. On several episodes you mocked the Australian team and players like Mitchell Johnson, Michael Clarke and Xavier Doherty in particular. Worse of all, your comments about Doug Bollinger’s hair demonstrate that you are a closet baldist.

If this wasn’t enough, your running battle with Ian Chappell places us in an untenable position. Chappell is 67 and we simply cannot tolerate Sky employees bullying an old age pensioner let alone challenging them to a bout of fisticuffs.

Finally, we have become aware that you had a torrid two-year affair with an Australian waitress named Kylie Verrells. We have testimony that you promised to marry her and even engaged in bondage sessions with the demure young lady. Doubtless you enjoyed dangling an Australian girl on a string. As part of Sky’s new pious approach, we simply cannot tolerate lies, misogyny, adultery and dubious sexual acts.

All these episodes of playing to win, anti-Australianism, baldism, ageism and adultery amount to gross misconduct in Sky’s HR policy and mean that you are dismissed with immediate effect.

Yours sincerely,

A. Faceless HR bod

Where next?

Botham's Ashes

See Ian Botham stink the place out in Sky's new Ashes advert

All-time England Ashes XI - All-rounder

Zeroes: Mitchell Johnson

Doug Bollinger as you've never seen him before

Michael Clarke joins Linkin Park

Follow us on Twitter @thereversesweep

Dear Santa...

 
With Christmas only two days away, we’d been wondering what some of cricket’s big names have asked Santa for.

Thanks to a renegade Elf in Santa's inner sanctum, all can now be revealed:

Shane Watson – the man who Carly Simon once wrote a song about has asked for his bedroom to be covered wall to wall and floor to ceiling with mirrors. He has also asked for a year’s supply of Kleenex. No, not for that! But in anticipation of more tears when he next gets out in the nervous nineties

Michael Clarke– a lifelike Lara Bingle rubber doll and a backbone

Jonathan Trott and Doug Bollinger – appointments with Jacques Kallis’ new hair consultant

Ricky Ponting – the hottest curry sauce of all – anything that means he can get amongst the runs again, but on no account does he want any Beer to go with it

Andrew Strauss- an exclusive membership of the club of Middlesex captains that have won an Ashes series down under. To date, Mike Gatting, Mike Brearley and Pelham Warner are the only members

Steve Smith– Being young he wants to learn, so he has asked Santa for  ‘The Marcus North Tutorial of Batting at Six’ and ‘The Idiots Guide to Leg-Spin by Chris Schofield'

Steve Finn– he had wanted clothes, but after being so expensive at the WACA he managed to bag a sponsorship deal with Prada, so the tall paceman now wants the same radar that Mitchell Johnson used in Perth

Matt Prior & Peter Siddle and Ian Botham & Ian Chappell – a pair of boxing gloves each so that they can take their respective war of words into the ring

Michael Hussey– some more kryptonite to ensure that he can reprise his Superman heroics at Melbourne and Sydney

Kamran Akmal  - A new set of wicketkeeper gloves made entirely out of velcro

Salman Butt, Mohammad Aamer and Mohammad Asif  - A damn good lawyer

Nathan Hauritz – Having got rid of his Australian kit at a recent garage sale, the discarded spinner now wants a fresh new kit from Santa in time to make a comeback in Sydney

MS Dhoni– some cotton wool in which to wrap up Zaheer Khan prior to every test match and particularly for the upcoming tours of England and Australia

Tim Bresnan and Jesse Ryder - a KFC Bargain Bucket per day for life

Ijaz Butt  - World War III

Harbhajan Singh– a set of Matthew Hayden’s cook books so that he can prepare a meal for his good friends Hayden and Andrew Symonds when he tours Australia later this year

Daniel Vettori - the Prime Ministership of New Zealand - well he does everything else. Either that or to wake up on Christmas Day as an Australian - there seems to be a vacancy for a spinner

Ian Bell – a DVD of the Famous Five, so he can prepare for his promotion up the batting order

Paul Collingwood – a guide to the best retirement homes in the North East of England

Mitchell Johnson – Kevin Pietersen’s phone number

Kevin Pietersen - A romantic dinner for two with Mitch

Where next?

Check out all our Reverse Sweep heroes and zeroes featuring Shane Watson, Mitchell Johnson and Nathan Hauritz amongst others

Historic India-Pakistan peace summit flounders on cricket diplomacy

Read KP's Ashes Diary exclusively at the Reverse Sweep

If you like this, follow us on Twitter @thereversesweep

Ashes 100-1: 33 - Bodyline and nine other Ashes controversies

 
Throughout the history of the oldest and longest running international sporting contest, the Ashes have not been without their moments of controversy, most famously of course in the ‘Bodyline’ series of 1932-33 when Douglas Jardine’s leg theory strategy to nullify Bradman and his general animosity to all things Australian nearly led to a diplomatic incident between the two countries.

So to mark us reaching number 33 in our Ashes countdown, here are ten of the best Ashes controversies we’ve managed to dig out from the history books:

1. “Bodyline”

The most rancorous cricket series of them all. It slid from crisis to crisis and having at one time reached governmental level looked set to be called off. An unrepentant Jardine spoke openly of his dislike of all things Australian and there were near-riots at Adelaide. Despite overwhelming pressure the immovable Jardine refused to change his strategy and England won 4-1. The controversy ran on though and prompted rule changes, which effectively outlawed Bodyline tactics. Larwood never played for England again and Jardine’s captaincy ended before the teams next met in England in 1934.

2. Fisticuffs and withdrawals

Today’s PCB may be bad but 100 years ago the Australian Board of Control (BOC) was even worse. A meeting to confirm the touring party to England in 1912 resulted in a fight between Australia’s captain Clem Hill and BOC representative Peter McAllister. As part of the fallout Hill and five other leading players - Warwick Armstrong, Victor Trumper, Tibby Cotter, Hanson Carter and Vernon Ransford - refused to tour and Australia were soundly beaten.

3. Vandals stopped play

The last day of the third Test of the 1975 series at Headingley was evenly poised with Australia 225 for 3 chasing 420 to win the series and so retain the Ashes. However, the pitch was vandalised overnight by protesters campaigning for the release of convicted robber George Davis. Captains Tony Grieg and Ian Chappell both reluctantly agreed the game could not continue, although rain would have meant a draw in any case. Davis was freed the following year but was soon behind bars again after being caught red-handed.

4. Captain Pratt

Ricky Ponting’s frustration at England’s bowlers continually taking breaks from the field of play during the 2005 series boiled over at Nottingham when he was run out by substitute fielder Gary Pratt. As the video shows as he left the field, Ponting visibly swore and gesticulated at the England dressing room. England won a tight match by three wickets after collapsing when chasing a small target.

 

5. The Packer Affair

The 1977 series in England was completely overshadowed by the furore surrounding World Series Cricket, news of which broke as the Australian side arrived. Mike Brearley, who replaced the sacked WSC player recruiter and ringleader Tony Grieg, led England to a 3-0 win against a divided Australian side full of soon-to-be Packer players. International cricket would never be the same again.

6. The Aluminium Bat

Although not strictly an Ashes controversy due to the Ashes not being at stake in the three match 1979-80 series, the episode of Dennis Lillee’s aluminium bat is still worthy of inclusion. England captain Brearley, sporting a beard that made him look an Ayatollah, strongly objected and two proud men went toe to toe. The umpires sided with Brearley and in frustration, Lillee flung the bat across the WACA pitch. Priceless.

7. Bottles and walk-offs

After a long and drawn out series, the 1970-71 encounter went down to a decider at Melbourne. In a tight match, England’s John Snow was warned for short-pitched bowling after striking Terry Jenner on the head. The crowd didn’t like it either and Snow was grabbed by a spectator and bottles and cans were thrown at him. England captain Ray Illingworth responded by leading his side from the field. They returned after warnings from officials, and with their resolve emboldened won by 62 runs to regain the Ashes.

8. Chuckers and draggers

England were thrashed 4-0 in 1958-59, but much of their ire was reserved for what they considered the illegality of some of the bowlers they faced – throwing in the case of Ian Meckiff and dragging by the ‘Blond Giant’ Gordon Rorke. Later events would suggest that England were right where Meckiff was concerned when he was called for throwing four times in his only over in the first test of the 1963/64 home series with South Africa.

9. Gower goes to the theatre

The 1989 series was a disaster for England and captain David Gower regularly felt the heat of some pretty hostile press conferences. After a dismal third day at Lord’s in the second test, Gower answered a few questions before deciding it was all too much and stood up to announce that he had tickets for the theatre to see Anything Goes, that the taxi was waiting, and then proceeded to walk out stage left leaving a bemused press lost for words. Even though Gower returned after the rest day and scored a hundred, his reign was doomed. As were England.

10. 500-1

Our last controversy would have caused headlines across the World today, but in a more innocent 1981 rarely raised a whimper. With England crashing to seeming defeat at Headingley in 1981,Dennis Lillee and Rod Marsh couldn’t resist the odds of 500/1 for the England win. Then came the heroics of Botham and Willis, which led England to the most unlikeliest of victories. Rightfully, no-one questioned the efforts of Lillee and Marsh though who both battled to the end in an attempt to lose their stake.

Where next?

Heroes: Douglas Jardine

Heroes: Dennis Lillee

Heroes: David Gower

Ashes 100-1: 57 - All-time Australian Ashes XI: Number 3

 
As we wrote when selecting the openers (see Australian openers and England openers), picking all-time Australia and England Ashes XIs is certainly a difficult undertaking. Trying to get down to eleven names a side from the many great players that have graced over 130 years of frequent and brilliant cricket is going to probably cause us a few sleepless nights. However, picking the batsman who will come in at number three and captain Australia is an extremely facile task.

Whilst the record of several other Australian batsmen at first drop merit a mention, especially Ricky Ponting (2057 runs at 54.13), but also Clem Hill (1903 runs at 35.90), David Boon (1693 at 52.90), Ian Chappell (1542 at 45.35) and Charlie Macartney (1260 at 63.00), there is only one possible choice.

That man is of course one Donald George Bradman - the greatest batsman ever and probably the best cricketer of them all.

As we've written before, Bradman was simply a phenomenon. Australians tend to over-use the phrase 'a once in a generation cricketer', but for the Don it would be an understatement. His Ashes record reads as 5028 runs at 89.78 from 37 tests. He scored 19 hundreds (including 8 doubles - 2 of them triples). Indeed, he scored nearly 1500 runs more than the second best run accumulator in Ashes history, Jack Hobbs.

At first drop, Bradman's average was even higher at 93.02, which hardly makes it a surprise therefore that England only won two Ashes series when Bradman was in situ for Australia - his debut series in 1928/29 (when an Australian side in the process of being rebuilt was hammered 4-1 by A.P.F Chapman's England side) and of course the infamous Bodyline series of 1932/33. It is a tribute to Bradman, that Douglas Jardine's strategy in the latter series was entirely based around nullifying the Don. Despite this, Bradman still averaged 56.57, which although a poor performance by his standards would still have been considered a good return for any other batsman in history.

We have also selected Bradman as captain of our Australian XI. He was a naturally attacking captain who only lost three matches in his 24 tests as captain and never lost a series. Australia actually lost his first two matches as captain in the 1936/37 Ashes, but no problem, Bradman scored 270, 212 and 169 in the last three tests as Australia bounced back to win the series 3-2 (see full story in Back From The Dead). The only other test he lost as captain was at The Oval in 1938 when Len Hutton scored 364 and England 903 for seven. The Don didn't get an opportunity to respond as he had been carried from the field injured. If he had, we wouldn't have bet against him beating Hutton's new mark.

Bradman never lost another test as captain and bowed out at the zenith by leading the 1948 Invincibles - perhaps the greatest test side in the history of the game. And did the captaincy affect Bradman's batting? Not a bit of it. He actually averaged 101.51 with 14 hundreds from his 24 tests as captain.

As we said the most straight-forward pick of them all.

Where next?

Bradman and Hammond: Two Batting Phenomenons

Archie Jackson: The Other Bradman

The 30 Greatest Batsmen Ever: Part 1 (30-21), Part 2 (20-11), Part 3 (10-1) 

Ashes 100-1: 74 - If Lillee Don't Get You, Thommo Must

In 1976, the Sex Pistols appeared on the Today show hosted by Bill Grundy and the juggernaut that was Punk Rock revolutionised the music scene across the world and especially in the UK forever. However, a couple of years before, a very different revolution took place in the 1974/75 Ashes series in Australia.

A confident and experienced England team arrived expecting to successfully defend the Ashes, but their balloon of optimism was soon burst by an Australian side that more closely resembled a rock band (just look at the footage, if you don't believe me) than a cricket team. Ian Chappell's team could certainly play cricket however and they did it in a ruthless and unforgiving fashion. They were fronted by a couple of tearaway fast bowlers in Dennis Lillee and Jeff Thomson.

"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust; if Lillee don't get you Thommo must!"

So read one of the banners adorning cricket grounds down under that summer. And boy was it accurate as Thomson took 33 wickets and Lillee 25 as England were simply blown away. Just over 40 years after Douglas Jardine's masterly strategy of directing the ball at the Australian batsmen during the Bodyline series, Lillee and Thomson did something remarkably similar even if Chappell didn't resort to Jardine's now outlawed leg theory fields.

Actually more English batsmen suffered broken bones during this series, which was still in the days before helmets, than had their Australian counterparts 40 years before. There was no outcry this time of course, partly due to the jingoistic and baying nature of the Australian crowds, but also because of the 'win at all costs' mentality was now inbred into the game.

This new method of attack was certainly too much for England's frail batting line-up, which included David 'Bumble' Lloyd. In the 1st test at Brisbane despite a courageous hundred from Tony Grieg, Australia won by a convincing margin of 166 runs with Thomson taking six for 46 and breaking the hands of Amiss and Edrich. This prompted England to recall the 42 year old veteran Colin Cowdrey for the second test. On arriving at the crease, Cowdrey went up to Thomson with his hand outstretched and said:

"I don't believe we've met. My name's Cowdrey"

Wonderful stuff and he duly played the two lightningly quick Australian bowlers as well as anyone in making 22 and 41, but England still lost heavily by nine wickets. The third test at Melbourne was in contrast a very close match, which ended on the fifth day with Australia just eight runs short of victory with two wickets in hand. The out of form England captain Mike Denness dropped himself for the fourth test but it didn't help England's slide as Australia won easily by 171 runs to secure the return of the Ashes. The script of the summer continued in the next test at Adelaide as despite 11 wickets for Derek Underwood, Australia cantered to a 163 run win.

England did manage to win the final test at Melbourne with Denness, having recaptured his form during the state matches, hitting 188 as England won by an innings. But just like England's habit of winning dead rubber matches in the Australian dominated series' of the nineties, this was a hollow victory given that Thomson didn't play due to injury and Lillee only bowled six overs.

Australia's team of larrikins went on to dominate briefly - even beating the West Indies 5-1 in Australia the following summer, before the World Series Cricket schism led to the premature break-up of the side. But make no mistake, the Australian team of 1974-75 was a seriously good side as the video below demonstrates.