The Reverse Sweep

Sir Charles Colville and other cricket unthinkables

He may not have played in the first match of the series yesterday, but Alastair Cook's very presence in the England T20 squad would have been unthinkable just a few short months ago.

This prompted us to look into our crystal ball for our latest piece for All Out Cricket's jolly good website to see what other big cricket stories that may seem wholly implausible now but which may become unlikely reality during the remainder of 2012.

To read what the likes of Chris Gayle, Lalit Modi, Jonathan Trott and our old friend Charles Colville could be getting up to read The Year That Won't Happen (or will it?).

Where next?

Cricket Zeroes: Charles Colville

Are the BCCI about to solve its biggest 'problem'?

BREAKING: Bob Willis attacked; Jonathan Trott arrested

Chris Gayle may be cool, but we're not sure even he can carry this look off...

Check out all our Reverse Sweep cricket heroes and zeroes

If you like this, follow us on Twitter @thereversesweep

10 reasons why Ian Botham may have worn sunglasses at the premiere of 'From the Ashes'

 

It's certainly been quite a week for cricket film premieres. Following swiftly on the heels of 'Fire in Babylon', the shindig for 'From the Ashes' - a documentary about the infamous 1981 Ashes series - saw the likes of Ian Botham, David Gower and Bob Willis swanning along the red carpet and posing for the cameras.

But in every picture we've seen of the event - such as the one above - Botham is wearing shades despite the premiere being in the evening and sunglasses plainly not being the most suitable attire for a trip to the cinema.

Here are ten possible reasons why Beefy chose to don the shades: 

1. His old nemesis Ian Chappell caught Botham by surprise in the car park as he was arriving and landed a couple on him
2. Beefy's just a shy retiring sort of chap, who doesn't like the limelight. No really!
3. Shh! He's on an undercover mission from MI5 to assassinate Charles Colville. Don't blow his cover!
4. Botham's eyes still haven't been put back in place after popping out of their sockets on seeing Pippa Middleton at the recent Royal Wedding
5. He's doubling up as Bob Willis's bodyguard after unsubstantiated rumours that the merciless Jonathan Trott was going to take his revenge for the verbal attacks Willis made during the World Cup
6. They're his special Knight of the Realm shades given to Botham personally by the Queen
7. The real Botham wasn't available, so his Madame Tussauds waxwork was used as a last minute replacement
8. He'd been out on the tiles with Gower and a couple of quiet ones turned into a marathon binge session
9. He's auditioning for the title role in the next Terminator film, or and perhaps most plausibly;
10. Despite having been a magnificent cricketer, at the end of day he's a bit of a nob

Where next?

Botham's Ashes

See Ian Botham stink the place out in Sky's new Ashes advert

All-time England Ashes XI - All-rounder

First Andy Gray, and now is Ian Botham getting the boot from Sky?

Cricket Heroes: Bob Willis, David Gower and Cricket Zeroes: Charles Colville

Follow us on Twitter @thereversesweep

Is it time for the County Championship equivalent of Match Of The Day?

 
The Reverse Sweep finds it strange that cricket fans in the UK are able to watch two live matches a day of an Indian domestic competition on ITV4, but not a single ball all summer of the County Championship. The closest you can get is the excellent ECB site - thanks @AndyinBrum.

Whilst it is perhaps understandable that Sky (or any other broadcaster for that matter) is reluctant to show live matches of a competition that is unfortunately scheduled whilst most of us are at work, what about producing a nightly highlights programme?

The County Championship equivalent of Match Of The Day could show an hour and a quarter's worth of highlights from the featured game of the day and then fill a further 45 minutes with analysis, a round-up of the other matches and features on the county game.

We'd certainly watch it even if we would incur the undoubted wrath of Mrs Reverse Sweep.

It's not as if Sky doesn't have enough channels, and if they don't want to do it why not ITV4 or BBC 3/4?

One thing though Sky, whilst we'd dearly love you to incorporate the County Championship Match Of The Day into your schedule, please, please don't let Charles Colville be the anchor. 

Where next?

County Championship XI of the week #4

Ten to watch in 2011: Adam Lyth, Jade Dernbach,  Rory Hamilton-Brown, Samit Patel, Alex Hales, Danny Briggs, Ben Stokes, James Harris, Jos Buttler, Adil Rashid

Cricket Zeroes: Charles Colville

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Zeroes: Charles Colville

If David Lloyd (see Heroes: David Lloyd) is probably the most universally loved member of the Sky Sports cricket team then Charles Colville must be the most disliked.

We sometimes ponder that Sky deliberately keeps Colville in employment so they can justify their otherwise mostly exclusive policy of recruiting ex-England captains to its commentary team.

Colville is everything you don't want a cricket commentator to be. He is smug, irritating, ignorant, tells appalling jokes and if he was any more reactionary he could serve in Robert Mugabe's government. His style would be more suited to trash television like Britain's Got Talent, and funnily enough if you think of a dumbed down version of Piers Morgan then voila you have Colville.

Some detractors of Colville (are there any supporters?) would say that at least he is part of Sky's second string and is limited to highlights, international matches not involving England and domestic cricket. But for those of us that work, that highlights package is normally the only chance we get to see England in test action during the week.

There are still groans every time in the Reverse Sweep house whenever Colville's ugly mug appears on the screen. Indeed we sometimes wonder if Bob Willis' acid tongue and extreme vehemence at times is as a result of having to spend an inordinately long period of time next to the grinning jackass Colville.

There are many bad cricket commentators worldwide - Bill Lawry, Danny Morrison and Laxman Sivaramakrishnan immediately spring to mind, but Colville has to be the worst of them. As the man himself would say "Got him!", you are truly a Reverse Sweep zero Charles.