Are Cook, Trott and Bell more impressive than Pippa Middleton's derriere?

 
There may be lies, damn lies and statistics, but the recent exploits of Alastair Cook, Jonathan Trott and Ian Bell almost warrant the creation of a new religion.

Rewind back to the Ashes of 2009 and the smell of fear that emanated from England fans when Kevin Pietersen’s dodgy achilles finally gave up the ghost after England’s historic win at Lord’s in the 2nd Test.

From then on, captain Andrew Strauss was like Obi Wan Kenobi – England’s only hope – as they somehow defied a statistical thrashing to gloriously regain the Ashes in that momentous decider at the Oval.

Since the celebration corks were popped, the champagne has gone flat for England’s supposed two main batsmen. Pietersen’s troubles with left-arm spin have been documented ad nauseum and have contributed to a poor return of just one hundred in 19 Tests. He has averaged 40.59 during that time, which is decent enough but hardly the figures that one who so obviously craves greatness would expect from himself.

The captain’s stats are even worse. During the same period, Strauss has also only scored one hundred – albeit an important one in the 2nd innings at Brisbane – but averages a paltry 32.38. If this poor run continues, Strauss is in danger of becoming a specialist captain a la Mike Brearley. Maybe he gave up the wrong form of the game?

During and at various times since that 2009 Ashes, Cook, Trott and Bell have each been derided by the media. After a poor run, many thought that Cook should be left out of the Ashes party until he saved his bacon with a brave hundred against Pakistan at the Oval last summer. Trott was widely regarded as a temporary solution only in the pivotal number three position and Bell was thought not to have the mental strength required to justify his obvious talent.

Thankfully the media hasn’t been so wrong since they joyously concurred with Neville Chamberlain and foolishly declared peace in our time following the Munich Conference of 1938.  

Indeed, Cook, Trott and Bell despite sounding like a firm of solicitors, are enjoying such a collective golden run that their figures are arguably even more impressive than her royal hotness Pippa Middleton’s quite stunning derriere.

Since saving his skin at the Oval last summer, Cook has hit six hundreds in 12 Test innings at a quite spectacular average of 111. Indeed the transformation has been so remarkable that one is left to wonder whether the real Cook hasn’t been kidnapped and replaced with a left-handed reincarnation of Sir Jack Hobbs.

Trott’s hot streak goes back even further to the start of last summer when he struck 226 against Bangladesh at Lord’s. Including this innings, Trott has hit 1377 runs in 13 Tests at a Bradmanesque 86 with five hundreds.

Like Cook, Bell saved his place with a courageous hundred – 140 at Durban in the Boxing Day Test of 2009. Since then his transformation to a fully fledged Jedi Knight has been completed and his light sabre has yielded 1253 runs in 14 Tests at 83.53 with five hundreds. Yoda may contemplate that Bell is a more impressive graduate than even Luke Skywalker such is the style with which the former sherminator has performed. 

So whilst Carol Vorderman’s figure is clearly not in the same league as the heavenly Pippa’s despite the former being awarded Rear of the Year, the figures of Cook, Trott and Bell can be mentioned in the same breath. Well, nearly.

Where next?

Matt Prior's Desert Island Discs

2nd Test, Lord's: England marks out of 10

Andrew Strauss is struck down by Kevin Pietersen's virulent malaise

Jack Hobbs by Leo McKinstry | Book review

Check out all our Reverse Sweep cricket heroes and zeroes

If you like this, follow us on Twitter @thereversesweep

Comments

[Tracerbullet007]

If the trio can replicate this form in the subcontinent, they will be more impressive than even JLo's rear...

[The Reverse Sweep]

Now don't be silly Tracerbullet007, they'd all have to surpass Bradman to beat JLo's rear!

[havy]

I`m here for the first time and i will return because i like this blog !