Duncan Fletcher's secret mission as India's coach

 
Congratulations Duncan on being appointed as India's new coach. You have successfully achieved the first part of your secret mission.

Now we can reveal the second and major part of your mission.

Remember how when you took over as England coach they were bottom of the ICC Test rankings and you successfully took them towards the top?

Well, your mission with India is exactly the opposite.

So, for your first Test series as coach in England, you need to do the following:

• Persuade Sachin to retire before the series
• Instruct Sehwag to emulate the patient batting style of Geoffrey Boycott; if he starts hitting boundaries, drop him
• Pick Sreesanth and Munaf Patel for every Test but rest Zaheer until the series is lost
• Hire Andrew Symonds as Harbhajan's minder
• Find India's version of Gavin Hamilton and make him captain instead of Dhoni

If you follow these five simple steps, then your mission can't fail to be achieved.

Mission Control, Lord's

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