Revealed: New PCB Player Code of Conduct

 
Following the news that the PCB has revised its Player Code of Conduct, the Reverse Sweep has managed to glean a copy from a source whom we cannot reveal other than to say that he has been known to associate with the Bookies Circle.

The Code, which takes the form of ten key guidelines for players provides illuminating reading:

1. Henceforth, all players on tour must have a picture of our Dear Leader Chairman Butt above their bed with praise and thanks being given morning and evening.
2. Remember who your Captain is. He is to be undermined and conspired against at all times.
3. On the way out to the crease, every batsman is to punch the new Jonathan Trott effigy as they leave the dressing room. The effigy will be burnt at the end of every tour and a new one created for the next tour.
4. Any victories (which are admittedly unlikely) must be dedicated to Chairman Butt. Any defeats can be blamed on a conspiracy initiated by India, its agent Shoaib Malik and august cricket bodies.
5. On no account let Yasir Hameed speak to the press. If necessary gag him for the entire tour.
6. Don't laugh at Umar Akmal's green make-up. He is only a boy and he can't help it if he has a fixation with the Wicked Witch from the Wizard of Oz. It also fixes his spots.
7. Everyone must actively participate in the PCB's chosen charitable concern and 'Adopt a Bookie'.
8. Don't worry about any spot or match-fixing allegations. We know that you will always be innocent and that India will be behind it. Rest assured that Judge Qayyum will be on the case and that everyone will be exonerated.
9. Remember that Younis Khan is an enemy of Pakistan cricket and not a world-class batsman and reasonably successful Pakistan captain. It was Chairman Butt and not he who was the inspiration for the 2009 World T20 win.
10. Finally, remember that a cricket ball a day keeps the doctor away. Follow the example of Afridi and munch away.

Where next?

Heroes: Imran Khan

Historic India-Pakistan peace summit flounders on cricket diplomacy

The Ten Commandments of Ijaz Butt

 

Please note that our source may be wrong and the PCB Player Code of Conduct may or may not be along the lines of this article. Just in case

Comments

[The Compulsive Hooker]

Brilliant!

[The Reverse Sweep]

Thanks Compulsive Hooker - just occasionally there is some inspiration there!

[cricket]

Chairman PCB has destroyed pakistan cricket single handed!

[Emo Style, Emo Girls, Emo Boys, Emo Love, Romantic]

yes i agree with u chairman of pcb has destroyed pakistani cricket.

[Skin Whitening Forever]

Good luck ,Great post,love you!Thanks for the info it had cleared out too many things in my mind. Your recommendations are really good.