New captain Michael Clarke is a very different animal.
Even if he has any thoughts of his own (and we doubt that), he seems more than happy to utter the nothingness provided to him by the faceless marketing people at Cricket Australia - providing of course that anything about himself is in the third person. Anyone that survives a Clarke press conference without falling asleep deserves a knighthood.
Clarke hardly exudes positivity either, so the fact that the man with the worst body language in the team – Shane Watson – has been made vice-captain must be a concern for Australian cricket fans.
Every time Watson runs out a colleague, is given out, hit for a boundary or has an appeal turned down by the umpire he pretty much bursts into tears and looks inconsolable.
That isn’t what the Australian cricket team needs.
The team is at rock bottom at the moment and what it needs is a tough Allan Border or Steve Waugh type character to shake them up, encourage the youngsters, instil character and unity, and ultimately lead them out of the mire.
Instead they have Tweedledum and Tweedledee – two preening metrosexuals who look like they will go crying to Mummy at the first sign of trouble.
Clarke and Watson would appear to be more concerned with moisturisers, tattoos and their own private ‘who can be the most boring at press conferences’ competition than having the requisite skills to lead the Australian cricket team out of the abyss.
It is almost like putting C3PO and Jar Jar Binks in charge of the Millennium Falcon.
It's a good bet that England will be keeping the Ashes for some time yet.
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