Zeroes: Shane Watson

We had been saving this one up until the Ashes, but as he seems to be pontificating about anything from approaches from bookies to what he is going to do to Stephen Finn come November, we couldn't resist any longer from presenting the ultimate Reverse Sweep zero.

Like many other cricket lovers, including it must be said many Australians, we have developed an unfathomable dislike of Shane Watson. It possibly warrants a book to go into all the reasons why the highlighted fool is unpopular in the cricket world, but we will be brief, try to control the vitriol here and limit ourselves to just five reasons why Watson is a zero.

Vanity - Watson seems like the sort of bloke who spends far too long standing in front of the mirror admiring themselves. He is 29 but still clearly dyes his hair, which let's face it is pretty sad. His signature tune is clearly Carly Simon's "You're So Vain", and yes he probably does think that the song is about him.

 

Tears - Watson always looks on the verge of them and his whiny nature certainly gets on our goat.

 

Tantrums - As evidenced by Watson's ridiculously over the top 'celebration' when getting Chris Gayle out in last year's test series in Australia (see picture above). Passion is fine but impersonating a toddler having a tantrum is not. If Watson was not embarrassed by that, then he has no shame. 

Brains- Or rather the lack of them. Watson's IQ is probably equivalent to that of a lobotomised monkey. That may explain the inane nonsense that he spouts to the press. Indeed his outpourings are so banal and so pointless, that they make Michael Clarke's Tweets Pulitzer Prize winning in comparison. Just shut up, Shane.

Talent- Up until last summer, we'd always been able to console ourselves that Watson was as much Australia's answer to Andrew Flintoff as Chris Lewis had once been the new Ian Botham. But since Watson's reinvention as a test opener his glass body seems to have held up and he has flourished (despite being a walking LBW) - notwithstanding his comical search for his maiden test hundred. His innocuous bowling has even earned a place on the (dis)honours board at Lord's too. Surely, the bubble will burst soon?

If you need any further proof of Watson's ghastliness, check out the following video, which was brought to our attention by JRod of Cricket With Balls. Words fail us, except that Twatto is an absolute zero.

Where next?

Check out all our other Reverse Sweep heroes and zeroes

10 reasons why Australia / England will win the Ashes

Ashes Squad Player Profiles: Australia and England

Comments

[Beggy G]

I don't believe your dislike is unfathomable, I reckon it's completely fathomable for the reasons you've given alone - and thank you for articulating much of what I find annoying. Add to that list the fact that he represents chucking out the baby of Australian masculinity with the bathwater of sexist ockerdom and I can completely fathom MY feelings on the matter.
You don't have to be an ignorant pig to be a man and by the same token you don't have to be a vain crybaby to be sensitive and passionate.
But worst of all, Watto looks like Wayne Rooney with a wig in that ad.

[numra bilal]

shut up u guys just dont know anything he is now a vital part of australian cricket team and shame on all aussies who dislike him have u all forgotten that it was watson the last man standing for australia to take them home by scoring a century in the final of icc champions trophy and it was watson who scored 97 against pakistan when australia were struggling in sydney test i dont belive in all this shit that people dislike him if anyone truly loves cricket australia then i can bet they just cant hate him cause he has given so much to australias cricket

[f1 merchandise]

Ah, Wayne Rooney... God gave him a great gift with his footballing skills pity he didn't throw in a brain

[Chris]

On your goat? ON your goat?! That's a new one:-)

[The Reverse Sweep]

Ha ha Chris, maybe I shouldn't use and English idiom. It sounded more polite than 'Watson really pisses me off'!

[The Reverse Sweep]

You're right Beggy G the resemblance to Rooney is a bit scary! I thought that Australia was the last bastion of manhood and then Shane Watson and Mitchell Johnson came along. They don't make them like Dennis Lillee any more!

[The Reverse Sweep]

Wow Numra, we've found a fan of Watson that isn't his Mum or Dad! Seriously, I am a Pom so I am allowed to dislike Australian cricketers, although it's only Watson and Johnson from the current team that grate (ok maybe Brad Haddin too).

[greyblazer]

I don't think he is that bad a bowler as he bowled reasonably well in places like India but not good enough to take a 5for.He is just a twatt.

[silverstone]

If I was Sir Alex, I'll drop Wayne Rooney quicker than a prostitute's pants. The guy should be punished not because of what he did, but because of the stupid way he did it.